So, this was the first year I spent Christmas away from my family. I was very sad not to spend Christmas with my family because it is my favorite time of year because of the craziness that ensues when the holidays role around. The part that was hardest is that my sister had my parents come to her house and so they all got to be together without me there. And, it was of course the year that my sister decided to get herself in the family way and announce it on Christmas Eve to my parents, her inlaws and her sister in law. So, everyone but me. Since it was Christmas Eve, I was with the boy and his family celebrating with them and did not get the news till the next day after everyone else found out, including most of the extended family (biological or otherwise). So, I'm going to be an aunt in less than a year. Woo hoo go me! Oh wait, I don't have to do anything!
Spending Christmas with the boys family was okay. There is a lot of in-family bickering which I guess is standard for families, but it's different for me because we do not spend a lot time with extended family. I suppose my sister and I have our moments, but it seems really different. I suppose that is in part because we are still relatively young and we don't have actually important things to bicker about. Normally we just know what things to say to irritate each other, but maybe after many yhears she and I will be bickering more and more. I should work to make that not happen. Perhap finding my zen place would help. Now if only I would take the time to get a zen place.
Something that I have done for myself is get a job for the summer. I am going to be working at a big law firm here in San Diego, which is awesome for me and happened because some very awesome professors helped me out. It also means that I have sold out, and, to be honest, I am very excited about it. It's still far away, but it is also nerve wracking because all the questions of "can I do this" and "am I going to be over my head" and "what am I thinking" are running around my head. As soon as school starts up again then I am certain that those will dissipate to be drown out by the amount of work that I think I'm going to have next semester. Stupid brain signing up for so many classes....
Now I really must start working on a paper because I'm just that much of a procrastinator. But you knew that.
Kleenex, tissue for the gods...
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Hopefully still counting
I have one more final left, then maybe a post will appear. Until such time, may I suggest clicking on the following link to raise money for abolishing AIDS. All you need to do is go to the site and light the candle by clicking. Then a pharmacuetical company will provide another dollar.
https://www.lighttounite.org/
Love to you all!
https://www.lighttounite.org/
Love to you all!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
It's my birthday
So, in honor of the big day, and the last year spent in my 20's I am spending the day, and most of the night in the libarary working on papers.
My life is awesome.
At least I'm not old and cranky. Well, I'm not old anyway.
Cannons should explode in classical music more often. (FYI My computer's thesaurus's recommendation for synonyms for cannon were gun, big gun, field gun, and mortar.)
My life is awesome.
At least I'm not old and cranky. Well, I'm not old anyway.
Cannons should explode in classical music more often. (FYI My computer's thesaurus's recommendation for synonyms for cannon were gun, big gun, field gun, and mortar.)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I wanna be a burnout
Oh, wait, I meant I am burnt out. I don't know why, it's not like I've done that much this semester, I just have an overwhelming sense of apathy. That's not good considering the mountain of work that looms in my sights...
Things seem to be moving peculiarly slowly. Everything is sort of going about at its own pace and plodding along, and I seem to be statisfied with sitting around watching the whole thing happening as opposed to getting involved in my own life. It's a very surreal experience of failing to be invested in what is going on. Much of it is so dependant on the fact that I am just very anxious about the whole job search process. I think that once I know what I am going to be doing (0r if I need to keep working on it, at least) I will be ready to jump into the whole "school" thing more. It's as if being in limbo in one part of my life I feel the need to be in limbo in all of it. That's not so helpful.
I really didn't have much to say, but I wanted you all to know that I am alive and still spending time on the internet while I should be studying.
When will I be less bitter and more smooth....
Things seem to be moving peculiarly slowly. Everything is sort of going about at its own pace and plodding along, and I seem to be statisfied with sitting around watching the whole thing happening as opposed to getting involved in my own life. It's a very surreal experience of failing to be invested in what is going on. Much of it is so dependant on the fact that I am just very anxious about the whole job search process. I think that once I know what I am going to be doing (0r if I need to keep working on it, at least) I will be ready to jump into the whole "school" thing more. It's as if being in limbo in one part of my life I feel the need to be in limbo in all of it. That's not so helpful.
I really didn't have much to say, but I wanted you all to know that I am alive and still spending time on the internet while I should be studying.
When will I be less bitter and more smooth....
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Unsuppressing
So, on Monday, there was this overexploited anniversary that I got tired of hearing about by the Thursday prior. It's been five years since some people decided to take a truly nasty swipe at what they percieve is wrong with the world -- the US and it's capitalism. I did not realize how mixed my emotions were about that time and the anniversary of that moment until everytime they played yet another heart wrenching moment of "what life would be like if only my (insert personal relation/spouse/unknown parent) had not died that day" I began to cry. I am about to use this space to attempt some catharsis about that day, so feel free to ignore it or change the channel, or whatever you need to do.
To begin with, I watched, live, as both planes hit the WTC towers when I came into my everyday life of work. I was waiting for a coworker to arrive so we could get coffee. I honestly cannot remember if we ever got it. However, it was not going to be an everyday day, and for a long time afterwards it wasn't going to be normal.
After watching the towers get hit, and thinking how badly the air traffic controllers had f-ed up, I did not turn off theTV and instead watched as a reporter was giving an update from the Pentagon when there were muted explosions, not just on TV but in the real world as well. Soon, it was obvious that the Pentagon had been hit as well. Various reports claimed five to ten flights that were still flying but their locations were unknown. Speculation ran rampent as to what other targets were left to be attacked and how much chaos was going on in the city of DC.
Working on Capitol Hill I was both very close to an expected target, yet not really that near danger. I did not work in the Capitol Building, nor did I, at that time, go over there often. But, I still felt like I was a target, because I worked for the government. The response of my office left a lot to be desired, but that's a different rant that I have since dealt, and no one really knew if we should even leave the building. After sitting on pins and needles glued to the television reports of chaos, riots, and attacks in the subway, one alert staffer noticed that a line on the front desk phone that never rang before was ringing. It was settled by the Capitol Police, we were to get the f- out the building. What in my mind was hours of watching the news and trying in multiple calls to calm my mother down, who had awoken to the news that I might be under a terrorist attack, we were told that we were still at risk and we should leave. It was less then an hour, in reality.
As we evacuated, in a calm and orderly fashion, as we were one of the few offices that had not left yet, it was eeriely quiet on the street. However, there were still signs of an unaltered life out there. As were were walking to a coworker's apartment, a FedEx truck was making deliveries. The driver allowed the rolling rear door to slam shut with a bang, and that's when I realized just how damn scared I was. I thought it was an explosion and my heart stopped beating for a long moment.
Those of us who went to the coworkers house sat together trying to piece together what was being reported, what we could and could not do -- could not take the metro, could not make phone calls because all the circuits were busy, could only sit and watch and listen as the military jets scrambled over our heads. It was a time devoid of anything but a cold, clammy intensity sitting and the bottom of my stomach wishing someone could tell me what was really going on.
Eventually, I went home, where my friends slowly gathered bringing with them copious amounts of beer and alcohol. Some of us drank in front of the television slowly trying to figure out who knew what and what really was going on. Others had to get out and be active to shut out all of the emotions that were brewing in a weird and unknown way. I have no idea what all we talked about or how long we were there, but eventually, we made for the bar, a haven of normalcy in a time of the unknown.
Some went to the back to try to find a seat -- I don't remember if I was with them, but even if I wasn't I lived it through them -- and saw the Presidential helicopters fly by in their three formation -- a memory that would haunt them for a moment later as they returned to the back patio on a subsequent visit. Through the whole day, the question remained -- what if --.
As more unfolded, over the days and weeks following, I started feeling very lucky about where I was and that a few people were willing to take on terrorists to prevent anymore people from dieing. I truly doubt that I would have been in a building that would have been hit if all had gone by the terrorists plan, but it might have happened. That it didn't was a blessing from some people somewhere who never met me or anyone I worked with.
On a broader scale, I saw something that could have been great -- a bringing together of a nation -- that eventually turned to something uglier then I have seen before -- a devisive political environment where no policy can truly be good because there is no compromise or debate or thought -- and I am truly disheartened. We started a war in Afghanistan that is barely even mentioned in the news. The "bad guys," those that have become figureheads for a movement that masterminds, trains, and encourages attacks like those we have gone through are still out there, no longer pursued with all due diligence because we are focused on another part of the world that had nothing to do with what happened.
Instead, we are fighting so many different battles -- not just those that are being fought by the soliders -- around the world. We are trying to do so much with the rationalization that has something to do with those four planes and those thousands of peoples lives lost, and no of it will actually stop the river, instead, they're causing the damn to leak more and more. And more and more bloodshed, hatred, and ideology get born without a moment's thought to why.
Why do those people seek us out to hate and destroy? Why do we continue to allow them to win the hearts of potential allies by pandering to war instead of development? How is it that our foreign policy remains so much in the hands of those that would burn bridges to keep the enemy outside that it fails to realized that their are others on the other side of the bridge that may some day might wish to cross it? Not to mention we are simply finding only outside problems and solutions, when there are those inside who create just as much damage.
And then we have the exploitation of the grief, anger, pain, and horror as another anniversary roles through. We look back and try to determine what has and hasn't changed. Find that it is the appropriate time to trot out those that have lost persons most dear and listen without hearing their stories. Where are the people still working to fix what is still wrong for those people? Why is the sound byte and dramatic flag shot on a single day more imporatant than the needs of those still reeling from a world turned upside down? What do we do everyday to make those that lost whole -- at least as much as can be done? Why is it that the children who do not know thier fathers are more important a story then those children of the military men in Afghanistan who will not know their fathers?
The President called 9/11 the greatest threat our nation has faced, but a Professor just put that into perspective by pointing out that just over a hundred years ago, we fought a civil war that redefined people's rights and self that cost more American lives, money, and time then 9/11. And we're still dealing with the fall out from that.
I know that for myself, I have never really examined all the emotions that I experience in watching thousands of people die or thinking that it could just have easily been me as anyone of them. I know that I cannot yet confront the memories when the TV tells me to. I know that I still need something to help me get to that place. I don't know what that something is, but I am certain that CBS, ABC, or NBC cannot provide it, nor can an abandonment of reason to bloodlust, nor can acquiescence to a leader who chooses to expand the problem instead of finding a solution to the one at hand. Poltics, arguing, and pandering do not help or move us anywhere.
I don't know what does, but I hope that someday we can find out what can, together.
To begin with, I watched, live, as both planes hit the WTC towers when I came into my everyday life of work. I was waiting for a coworker to arrive so we could get coffee. I honestly cannot remember if we ever got it. However, it was not going to be an everyday day, and for a long time afterwards it wasn't going to be normal.
After watching the towers get hit, and thinking how badly the air traffic controllers had f-ed up, I did not turn off theTV and instead watched as a reporter was giving an update from the Pentagon when there were muted explosions, not just on TV but in the real world as well. Soon, it was obvious that the Pentagon had been hit as well. Various reports claimed five to ten flights that were still flying but their locations were unknown. Speculation ran rampent as to what other targets were left to be attacked and how much chaos was going on in the city of DC.
Working on Capitol Hill I was both very close to an expected target, yet not really that near danger. I did not work in the Capitol Building, nor did I, at that time, go over there often. But, I still felt like I was a target, because I worked for the government. The response of my office left a lot to be desired, but that's a different rant that I have since dealt, and no one really knew if we should even leave the building. After sitting on pins and needles glued to the television reports of chaos, riots, and attacks in the subway, one alert staffer noticed that a line on the front desk phone that never rang before was ringing. It was settled by the Capitol Police, we were to get the f- out the building. What in my mind was hours of watching the news and trying in multiple calls to calm my mother down, who had awoken to the news that I might be under a terrorist attack, we were told that we were still at risk and we should leave. It was less then an hour, in reality.
As we evacuated, in a calm and orderly fashion, as we were one of the few offices that had not left yet, it was eeriely quiet on the street. However, there were still signs of an unaltered life out there. As were were walking to a coworker's apartment, a FedEx truck was making deliveries. The driver allowed the rolling rear door to slam shut with a bang, and that's when I realized just how damn scared I was. I thought it was an explosion and my heart stopped beating for a long moment.
Those of us who went to the coworkers house sat together trying to piece together what was being reported, what we could and could not do -- could not take the metro, could not make phone calls because all the circuits were busy, could only sit and watch and listen as the military jets scrambled over our heads. It was a time devoid of anything but a cold, clammy intensity sitting and the bottom of my stomach wishing someone could tell me what was really going on.
Eventually, I went home, where my friends slowly gathered bringing with them copious amounts of beer and alcohol. Some of us drank in front of the television slowly trying to figure out who knew what and what really was going on. Others had to get out and be active to shut out all of the emotions that were brewing in a weird and unknown way. I have no idea what all we talked about or how long we were there, but eventually, we made for the bar, a haven of normalcy in a time of the unknown.
Some went to the back to try to find a seat -- I don't remember if I was with them, but even if I wasn't I lived it through them -- and saw the Presidential helicopters fly by in their three formation -- a memory that would haunt them for a moment later as they returned to the back patio on a subsequent visit. Through the whole day, the question remained -- what if --.
As more unfolded, over the days and weeks following, I started feeling very lucky about where I was and that a few people were willing to take on terrorists to prevent anymore people from dieing. I truly doubt that I would have been in a building that would have been hit if all had gone by the terrorists plan, but it might have happened. That it didn't was a blessing from some people somewhere who never met me or anyone I worked with.
On a broader scale, I saw something that could have been great -- a bringing together of a nation -- that eventually turned to something uglier then I have seen before -- a devisive political environment where no policy can truly be good because there is no compromise or debate or thought -- and I am truly disheartened. We started a war in Afghanistan that is barely even mentioned in the news. The "bad guys," those that have become figureheads for a movement that masterminds, trains, and encourages attacks like those we have gone through are still out there, no longer pursued with all due diligence because we are focused on another part of the world that had nothing to do with what happened.
Instead, we are fighting so many different battles -- not just those that are being fought by the soliders -- around the world. We are trying to do so much with the rationalization that has something to do with those four planes and those thousands of peoples lives lost, and no of it will actually stop the river, instead, they're causing the damn to leak more and more. And more and more bloodshed, hatred, and ideology get born without a moment's thought to why.
Why do those people seek us out to hate and destroy? Why do we continue to allow them to win the hearts of potential allies by pandering to war instead of development? How is it that our foreign policy remains so much in the hands of those that would burn bridges to keep the enemy outside that it fails to realized that their are others on the other side of the bridge that may some day might wish to cross it? Not to mention we are simply finding only outside problems and solutions, when there are those inside who create just as much damage.
And then we have the exploitation of the grief, anger, pain, and horror as another anniversary roles through. We look back and try to determine what has and hasn't changed. Find that it is the appropriate time to trot out those that have lost persons most dear and listen without hearing their stories. Where are the people still working to fix what is still wrong for those people? Why is the sound byte and dramatic flag shot on a single day more imporatant than the needs of those still reeling from a world turned upside down? What do we do everyday to make those that lost whole -- at least as much as can be done? Why is it that the children who do not know thier fathers are more important a story then those children of the military men in Afghanistan who will not know their fathers?
The President called 9/11 the greatest threat our nation has faced, but a Professor just put that into perspective by pointing out that just over a hundred years ago, we fought a civil war that redefined people's rights and self that cost more American lives, money, and time then 9/11. And we're still dealing with the fall out from that.
I know that for myself, I have never really examined all the emotions that I experience in watching thousands of people die or thinking that it could just have easily been me as anyone of them. I know that I cannot yet confront the memories when the TV tells me to. I know that I still need something to help me get to that place. I don't know what that something is, but I am certain that CBS, ABC, or NBC cannot provide it, nor can an abandonment of reason to bloodlust, nor can acquiescence to a leader who chooses to expand the problem instead of finding a solution to the one at hand. Poltics, arguing, and pandering do not help or move us anywhere.
I don't know what does, but I hope that someday we can find out what can, together.
Friday, August 25, 2006
many happy returns
Well, I should start with an apology to all of you who have checked for a sign of life in the last month and a half, but well....my excuses are trite and pointless and you probably wouldn't believe my apology to be sincere anyway. Or, you've stopped checking and will never read this again.
So, to recap my summer:
Family wedding
See above post -- actually it's the post below not above
Friend's wedding
awesome time had by me, I think, I don't remember the end except I invited the whole wedding reception to my parent's house to continue the party -- with their approval of course-- where I subsequently gave away my favorite flipflops to a girl I've met twice who does not remember me from the first time we met because she didn't like me because she thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend (who is now her husband and father of her baby)...enough said.
Summer externship with Judge
I am no longer going their, but I still have work to do. I learned lots, but most important to me was that I am not an idiot and can probably be a good lawyer
Searching for an apartment
So much to say, so little to show for it. Eventually we found a place. It's in the same complex I live in right now and we're not moving till September. There is much frustration rooted in this activity that I would rather not subject you all to, but it's focused on two things: 1) someone else's level of participation in the process and 2) my inability to express my frustration re #1 and internal battling over it. Now we move to living together.
Oh, and we are, obviously, nowhere nearer the beach.
School
I took a summer seminar. I went to class, read some stuff, spent most of class thinking "daaah, I can read..." (me drooling), and wrote a paper that I could have done better with. Got my grade yesterday, could be worse, could be better. Settled on that.
So, then what's new, you may ask. I am back at school. I am working two jobs (at the library training all the little first year workers and as a TA to the lawyering skills department -- I gots you skillz right here byatch). I am starting the unsettling process of summer associate recruiting, i.e., I am looking for my summer job at a law firm as of yesterday (wait, summer isn't for 9 months, you say, to which I respond: getting a summer job for lawyers is like having a baby you start out having some fun, then have to do a bunch of things right so you don't screw it up before you get it, and then you hope you end up with something that doesn't screw you or itself up to badly. Or something like that.) I am a "provisional member" of a law journal -- go me -- oh wait, that's a lot more work.
What isn't new: I still don't get enough sleep.
For more details please check back in a month. Hopefully I'll have posted multiple times since then.
Welcome to the circulation desk, you're about to listen to me for three hours of which you will remember barely anything at all. Learn it, love it, live it...
So, to recap my summer:
Family wedding
See above post -- actually it's the post below not above
Friend's wedding
awesome time had by me, I think, I don't remember the end except I invited the whole wedding reception to my parent's house to continue the party -- with their approval of course-- where I subsequently gave away my favorite flipflops to a girl I've met twice who does not remember me from the first time we met because she didn't like me because she thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend (who is now her husband and father of her baby)...enough said.
Summer externship with Judge
I am no longer going their, but I still have work to do. I learned lots, but most important to me was that I am not an idiot and can probably be a good lawyer
Searching for an apartment
So much to say, so little to show for it. Eventually we found a place. It's in the same complex I live in right now and we're not moving till September. There is much frustration rooted in this activity that I would rather not subject you all to, but it's focused on two things: 1) someone else's level of participation in the process and 2) my inability to express my frustration re #1 and internal battling over it. Now we move to living together.
Oh, and we are, obviously, nowhere nearer the beach.
School
I took a summer seminar. I went to class, read some stuff, spent most of class thinking "daaah, I can read..." (me drooling), and wrote a paper that I could have done better with. Got my grade yesterday, could be worse, could be better. Settled on that.
So, then what's new, you may ask. I am back at school. I am working two jobs (at the library training all the little first year workers and as a TA to the lawyering skills department -- I gots you skillz right here byatch). I am starting the unsettling process of summer associate recruiting, i.e., I am looking for my summer job at a law firm as of yesterday (wait, summer isn't for 9 months, you say, to which I respond: getting a summer job for lawyers is like having a baby you start out having some fun, then have to do a bunch of things right so you don't screw it up before you get it, and then you hope you end up with something that doesn't screw you or itself up to badly. Or something like that.) I am a "provisional member" of a law journal -- go me -- oh wait, that's a lot more work.
What isn't new: I still don't get enough sleep.
For more details please check back in a month. Hopefully I'll have posted multiple times since then.
Welcome to the circulation desk, you're about to listen to me for three hours of which you will remember barely anything at all. Learn it, love it, live it...
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Oh my god, where have I been?
Well, nowhere really, oh wait, somewhere, but not sure why I couldn't update before now.
So, it is now almost the second week in July and I haven't updated in oh, about three weeks. You three people left checking this spot are dedicated and I thank you and apologize for my retarditude. (hee, hee, making up words is fun.)
Okay, so the boy has moved down to here, but we have not gotten a place yet. We did submit an application at one place on Friday, so here's hoping everything works out. It's a cute two bedroom place with GIANT closets. I love closets!!!! You can put stuff in them and forget all about it :)
Living in a one bedroom place temporarily makes me realize why a two bedroom is necessary: we don't want to do the same stuff all the time and I don't do homework in the bedroom or I will sleep. That's not to say I won't sleep in the living room while doing homework, but I will wake up sooner. Stupid comfy couch.
However, if we do get this place, I think we'll need more furniture. Which is expensive, even at IKEA. Which is where I went this weekend. I like IKEA, but I feel like I shouldn't be shopping there any more. IKEA has always seemed like the college-transition-into-adulthood furniture store. I think that I have reached adulthood, of some sort, even though I'm in school still. I want to start thinking about buying more substantial "grown-up" furniture made with real word not "engineered" wood (read: pressboard). It is like when I switched from a futon to a "real" bed (and then again from a full to queen sized bed). It's an indication of settling down and being an established person. Perhaps I'm looking for establishment when I don't feel established as though my furniture purchases will anchor me somehow. Who thought furniture desires could be so revealing...
I also am tired of blonde woods. I wish for deep color dark wood. That I can't explain.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to the beautiful town of Erie, PA. Let's just say that I don't think I'm moving there ever. I went for my cousin's wedding and helping my mom take care of my grandparents/keep her sanity. My sister and her husband were there too. My sister does a much better job of helping with the physical side of my grandparents needs. Obviously, doing it for a living helps a lot, but having confidence in how you should help plays a long way into it. My strength is that I have learned to listen to my grandfather in a way that he thinks that I am truly hanging on every word he says. I do listen to him, even when I've heard the story a million times because it is the stuff that means the most to him.
My mom told me that my grandfather has since proclaimed me as his favorite because I actually listen to him. I think that is both terribly unfair to my cousins who see him much more regularly and very sad for my grandpa. Now, I am the first to admit that I don't find my grandpa the most exciting individual ever, but he has seen and done some things that have immense importance to him. The entire history of the Methodist church and his family bloodlines may not be my cup of tea, but it is his passion. I know that the ridiculous things that I find worthwhile to be passionate about aren't everyone else's favorite topic, but I hope that when I'm 80 + years old some one will let me tell them everything I know about them, where or not they truly care. That is what I told my mom. I know it is extrodinarily hard for her and her sister to put up with taking care of their parents and dealing with the same stories that they've both heard a billion times, but he just wants someone to listen to him. I am fairly certain that is all he ever wanted.
Spending time with my grandparents make me really afraid of getting really old. When faced with the frustration, pain, anger, and depression that comes with the new restrictions on my grandparents, it scared me about what getting old is about. I don't think I need to fear it yet, but it was definitely frightening.
The other milestone of the trip was only having one argument with my sister. That is a milestone for us because we tend to grate each other's nerves in the most effective and raw sort of way. Yeah growing up.
Then there was Fourth of July. But I must do some school work, so hopefully I'll update soon and talk about that. Don't hold your breath :)
Commercials about Judge "Insert first name(s)" TV shows make me proud to not recognize anyone on them.
So, it is now almost the second week in July and I haven't updated in oh, about three weeks. You three people left checking this spot are dedicated and I thank you and apologize for my retarditude. (hee, hee, making up words is fun.)
Okay, so the boy has moved down to here, but we have not gotten a place yet. We did submit an application at one place on Friday, so here's hoping everything works out. It's a cute two bedroom place with GIANT closets. I love closets!!!! You can put stuff in them and forget all about it :)
Living in a one bedroom place temporarily makes me realize why a two bedroom is necessary: we don't want to do the same stuff all the time and I don't do homework in the bedroom or I will sleep. That's not to say I won't sleep in the living room while doing homework, but I will wake up sooner. Stupid comfy couch.
However, if we do get this place, I think we'll need more furniture. Which is expensive, even at IKEA. Which is where I went this weekend. I like IKEA, but I feel like I shouldn't be shopping there any more. IKEA has always seemed like the college-transition-into-adulthood furniture store. I think that I have reached adulthood, of some sort, even though I'm in school still. I want to start thinking about buying more substantial "grown-up" furniture made with real word not "engineered" wood (read: pressboard). It is like when I switched from a futon to a "real" bed (and then again from a full to queen sized bed). It's an indication of settling down and being an established person. Perhaps I'm looking for establishment when I don't feel established as though my furniture purchases will anchor me somehow. Who thought furniture desires could be so revealing...
I also am tired of blonde woods. I wish for deep color dark wood. That I can't explain.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to the beautiful town of Erie, PA. Let's just say that I don't think I'm moving there ever. I went for my cousin's wedding and helping my mom take care of my grandparents/keep her sanity. My sister and her husband were there too. My sister does a much better job of helping with the physical side of my grandparents needs. Obviously, doing it for a living helps a lot, but having confidence in how you should help plays a long way into it. My strength is that I have learned to listen to my grandfather in a way that he thinks that I am truly hanging on every word he says. I do listen to him, even when I've heard the story a million times because it is the stuff that means the most to him.
My mom told me that my grandfather has since proclaimed me as his favorite because I actually listen to him. I think that is both terribly unfair to my cousins who see him much more regularly and very sad for my grandpa. Now, I am the first to admit that I don't find my grandpa the most exciting individual ever, but he has seen and done some things that have immense importance to him. The entire history of the Methodist church and his family bloodlines may not be my cup of tea, but it is his passion. I know that the ridiculous things that I find worthwhile to be passionate about aren't everyone else's favorite topic, but I hope that when I'm 80 + years old some one will let me tell them everything I know about them, where or not they truly care. That is what I told my mom. I know it is extrodinarily hard for her and her sister to put up with taking care of their parents and dealing with the same stories that they've both heard a billion times, but he just wants someone to listen to him. I am fairly certain that is all he ever wanted.
Spending time with my grandparents make me really afraid of getting really old. When faced with the frustration, pain, anger, and depression that comes with the new restrictions on my grandparents, it scared me about what getting old is about. I don't think I need to fear it yet, but it was definitely frightening.
The other milestone of the trip was only having one argument with my sister. That is a milestone for us because we tend to grate each other's nerves in the most effective and raw sort of way. Yeah growing up.
Then there was Fourth of July. But I must do some school work, so hopefully I'll update soon and talk about that. Don't hold your breath :)
Commercials about Judge "Insert first name(s)" TV shows make me proud to not recognize anyone on them.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Forever and one great weekend later
So, I had some awesome friends in for the weekend which a) was fun, b) forced me to go to the beach (it was a real struggle to get me there), and c) was fun. Jocelyn, Sarah, and Winslow seemed to enjoy themselves, too. Which just means that my friends should all come visit me. Just try not to come all at once because with four there is room, five might be a squeeze, but I know that I have more than five friends so you wouldn't all fit.
I had forgotten what going out and being confident in yourself around the people you are with is like. Since having moved here to go to school, on the rare occasion that I go out, I never know if people find me fun/cool/entertaining/"insert other positive adjectives here" or if they tolerate me because I offer to drive sometimes. With true friends, like Jocelyn, Sarah and Winslow, I knew that they liked me for me and they know me well enough to tell me to do stuff, rummage through my refrigerator, call me weird, tolerate the fact that I say "there's my school" every time we pass it (about twenty times), and make me laugh. I felt truly at ease and really let myself enjoy it, even the hangover.
The best part, now that I've thought about it, was that we didn't spend the whole time reminiscing about the way things were or "remember that one time when...", not that we didn't do that, but that we spent a lot of time looking forward at our individual lives and at how our friendship has and will continue to change. I realized that I do miss them terribly, but I am also aware that even if I moved back to the east coast, it would not be the same as it ever was. We're all making new decision and thinking about the next five years in very different ways. We're all contemplating more long term decisions like careers, kids, marriage (if you're not already married), finding a place to live for longer than a year or two. Not that any one of us had answers but we certainly had questions.
We did "gossip" in that way that I found out how some of my friends I haven't seen and I never write are doing. I also got to share some updates about the first year DC crew, so I felt somewhat "in the know." That was good to hear about the further adventures of life as I used to know it. To those of you out there that I heard about: congratulations on the good stuff and good luck with the new stuff and try not to drive too fast. To those of you I got to give the update on: congratulations on the good stuff and good luck with the new stuff from Jocelyn, Sarah, and Winslow (if you've met him (which you may have but he's asked for anonymity on the internet)).
We also played poker. Jocelyn is extraordinarily lucky on deals, no matter what game you're playing. Don't play her for money. Winslow and Sarah play too much poker and know too many games so I never remember the rules to anything. This makes me a patsy. Play me for money.
We went out drinking, like for reals drinking. I got the hic-ups for about an hour, we played with a sharpie at the bar (Sarah to the waitress: "Where can we get good tattoos around here?", Waitress to Sarah after looking at the four of us in our sharpie splendor (mostly the others as I am too afraid of "permanent"): "You might want to stick to the sharpie."), we got bum rushed out with the heard at closing time, and the next day was a long process of recouping for some (my trash can misses you). Then we went to the beach. I think I could only do that once a quarter as I hate the hic-ups.
On Sunday, we went on the quest of the "Amusement Park" for Jocelyn and fish tacos for Winslow. Since I didn't take either of them to TJ to drink as expected (because that's what you do when you come to San Diego, right?), it was only right. The amusement park is really a boardwalk type area that has a roller coaster that was made of wood and built in the 1940s. It is just mellow enough that I liked it, but still no too boring for those with a greater sense of adventure. Then we went on the tilt-a-whirl and tried to take pictures of each other while the ride was in motion. Winslow said that made him feel like Saturday morning (not so good). Then we staggered away, me complaining of "neck pain" because I am getting old, and Sarah and Jocelyn managed to find a greasy taco place which served up some grub, including the long awaited fish tacos.
Then they left, and I felt sad. Then I started looking to see if there were reasonably priced apartments in the beach areas because I live near a McDonald's, the Vietnamese grocery, and my school. There are, so the next one to visit may have an easier time getting to the beach. Finding parking, however, is another matter.
In contrast, I went out with some folks from school last night (for a couple of beers and dinner) and I realized that while they were cool people that I genuinely like, I still feel guarded around them. This is a personal flaw that only I can fix. I cannot keep hoping that I will magically have friends like Jocelyn, Sarah, and Winslow because those friendships didn't just happen. It took time to get there and a willingness to expose my flaws to them and it was more then worth it.
And I still don't know where the salt from our table went...really, I have no idea.
I had forgotten what going out and being confident in yourself around the people you are with is like. Since having moved here to go to school, on the rare occasion that I go out, I never know if people find me fun/cool/entertaining/"insert other positive adjectives here" or if they tolerate me because I offer to drive sometimes. With true friends, like Jocelyn, Sarah and Winslow, I knew that they liked me for me and they know me well enough to tell me to do stuff, rummage through my refrigerator, call me weird, tolerate the fact that I say "there's my school" every time we pass it (about twenty times), and make me laugh. I felt truly at ease and really let myself enjoy it, even the hangover.
The best part, now that I've thought about it, was that we didn't spend the whole time reminiscing about the way things were or "remember that one time when...", not that we didn't do that, but that we spent a lot of time looking forward at our individual lives and at how our friendship has and will continue to change. I realized that I do miss them terribly, but I am also aware that even if I moved back to the east coast, it would not be the same as it ever was. We're all making new decision and thinking about the next five years in very different ways. We're all contemplating more long term decisions like careers, kids, marriage (if you're not already married), finding a place to live for longer than a year or two. Not that any one of us had answers but we certainly had questions.
We did "gossip" in that way that I found out how some of my friends I haven't seen and I never write are doing. I also got to share some updates about the first year DC crew, so I felt somewhat "in the know." That was good to hear about the further adventures of life as I used to know it. To those of you out there that I heard about: congratulations on the good stuff and good luck with the new stuff and try not to drive too fast. To those of you I got to give the update on: congratulations on the good stuff and good luck with the new stuff from Jocelyn, Sarah, and Winslow (if you've met him (which you may have but he's asked for anonymity on the internet)).
We also played poker. Jocelyn is extraordinarily lucky on deals, no matter what game you're playing. Don't play her for money. Winslow and Sarah play too much poker and know too many games so I never remember the rules to anything. This makes me a patsy. Play me for money.
We went out drinking, like for reals drinking. I got the hic-ups for about an hour, we played with a sharpie at the bar (Sarah to the waitress: "Where can we get good tattoos around here?", Waitress to Sarah after looking at the four of us in our sharpie splendor (mostly the others as I am too afraid of "permanent"): "You might want to stick to the sharpie."), we got bum rushed out with the heard at closing time, and the next day was a long process of recouping for some (my trash can misses you). Then we went to the beach. I think I could only do that once a quarter as I hate the hic-ups.
On Sunday, we went on the quest of the "Amusement Park" for Jocelyn and fish tacos for Winslow. Since I didn't take either of them to TJ to drink as expected (because that's what you do when you come to San Diego, right?), it was only right. The amusement park is really a boardwalk type area that has a roller coaster that was made of wood and built in the 1940s. It is just mellow enough that I liked it, but still no too boring for those with a greater sense of adventure. Then we went on the tilt-a-whirl and tried to take pictures of each other while the ride was in motion. Winslow said that made him feel like Saturday morning (not so good). Then we staggered away, me complaining of "neck pain" because I am getting old, and Sarah and Jocelyn managed to find a greasy taco place which served up some grub, including the long awaited fish tacos.
Then they left, and I felt sad. Then I started looking to see if there were reasonably priced apartments in the beach areas because I live near a McDonald's, the Vietnamese grocery, and my school. There are, so the next one to visit may have an easier time getting to the beach. Finding parking, however, is another matter.
In contrast, I went out with some folks from school last night (for a couple of beers and dinner) and I realized that while they were cool people that I genuinely like, I still feel guarded around them. This is a personal flaw that only I can fix. I cannot keep hoping that I will magically have friends like Jocelyn, Sarah, and Winslow because those friendships didn't just happen. It took time to get there and a willingness to expose my flaws to them and it was more then worth it.
And I still don't know where the salt from our table went...really, I have no idea.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Really, I'm fine
So, for the last week I have supposed to have been working on writing my memo for my law review application. It is a 10 page document, written like a legal memo, based on research they have provided in a 132 page packet. Let's just say that procrastination wins all the time when I am the opponent. I got it done, but I didn't sleep much Thursday night.
Thus, I slept a lot Friday night, just before going to bed. Were I went to read myself back to sleep, which I couldn't. 4 am is a great time of day, really it is. Just not for being awake. Even my late night neighbors know that. So, finally I fell back asleep and I got up at 2pm. Then I cleaned. Got through the living room, minus my desk. My 10' x 10' living room really shouldn't take 3 hours to clean, but that's how long I took. Now, I just need to clean the rest of my apartment. Hopefully it won't take as long because I would like to at least like to find out something about this city I live in, in case anyone wants to come visit me ever.
However, having a clean apartment for visitors is nice too...
Let's see, updates.
1) I am officially no longer in my first year of law school. Woohoo.
2) The boy's sister got married last weekend and I was there. The day after finals. I cannot say I really got a break that weekend. I did however hear a lot of people ask me when he and I would be getting married. By lots of people I mean four people, repeatedly through out the reception. They were his cousins who I met at Thanksgiving and they were very persistent. Unfortunately the boy was not sitting at the same table. Not because he was supposed to be at a different table, but because sometimes it is easier to just acquiesce to circumstances. So, I sat with the parents, cousins, and family patriarch. No pressure there.
That night, I helped prepare a brunch for the next morning with the boy's mom and the boy. I also helped more the next morning before I left to come back and work on the writing assignment, right as people were showing up for the brunch.
3) I read a whole non-law book! Woohoo! Not a challenging book, but good read called Inkheart. Along the lines of a kids book with some very interesting themes about evil, imagination, and family.
4) The boy is in Australia right now and will move down here when he gets back. So, I really need to do some apartment hunting, and I should maybe get rid of come stuff so that there is room in a closet that I apparently will have to share. Oh, and I should tell my parents.
5) I am working as a judicial intern this summer. I am nervous, excited, daunted, and unsure. I start next week. We shall see.
...beware the groove...
Thus, I slept a lot Friday night, just before going to bed. Were I went to read myself back to sleep, which I couldn't. 4 am is a great time of day, really it is. Just not for being awake. Even my late night neighbors know that. So, finally I fell back asleep and I got up at 2pm. Then I cleaned. Got through the living room, minus my desk. My 10' x 10' living room really shouldn't take 3 hours to clean, but that's how long I took. Now, I just need to clean the rest of my apartment. Hopefully it won't take as long because I would like to at least like to find out something about this city I live in, in case anyone wants to come visit me ever.
However, having a clean apartment for visitors is nice too...
Let's see, updates.
1) I am officially no longer in my first year of law school. Woohoo.
2) The boy's sister got married last weekend and I was there. The day after finals. I cannot say I really got a break that weekend. I did however hear a lot of people ask me when he and I would be getting married. By lots of people I mean four people, repeatedly through out the reception. They were his cousins who I met at Thanksgiving and they were very persistent. Unfortunately the boy was not sitting at the same table. Not because he was supposed to be at a different table, but because sometimes it is easier to just acquiesce to circumstances. So, I sat with the parents, cousins, and family patriarch. No pressure there.
That night, I helped prepare a brunch for the next morning with the boy's mom and the boy. I also helped more the next morning before I left to come back and work on the writing assignment, right as people were showing up for the brunch.
3) I read a whole non-law book! Woohoo! Not a challenging book, but good read called Inkheart. Along the lines of a kids book with some very interesting themes about evil, imagination, and family.
4) The boy is in Australia right now and will move down here when he gets back. So, I really need to do some apartment hunting, and I should maybe get rid of come stuff so that there is room in a closet that I apparently will have to share. Oh, and I should tell my parents.
5) I am working as a judicial intern this summer. I am nervous, excited, daunted, and unsure. I start next week. We shall see.
...beware the groove...
Friday, May 19, 2006
And out...
Today, I finished my last final of my first year. I was plesantly surprised with how it turned out. No need to cry afterwards. Merely, a need to drink. Which I did. In the parking lot with a few classmates. For two hours.
I was OUTSIDE!!!!!
Thus, I got a sunburn for being in cloudy to sunny outdoors. My first sun related issue since moving here to "sunny southern california." I think that says something about my reclusive nerdiness. Or maybe it doesn't. I don't know, and I don't care.
Three hour naps in the middle of the day to "sleep it off" are awesome.
Woohoo!
I was OUTSIDE!!!!!
Thus, I got a sunburn for being in cloudy to sunny outdoors. My first sun related issue since moving here to "sunny southern california." I think that says something about my reclusive nerdiness. Or maybe it doesn't. I don't know, and I don't care.
Three hour naps in the middle of the day to "sleep it off" are awesome.
Woohoo!
Monday, May 15, 2006
2 down 2 to go
I am an ubernerd!!!!! (I don't have umlauts, which makes me sad that I cannot express the proper vowel mutation, which expresses my ubernerdiness.)
I realized at some point last night while not sleep because the overwhelming panic that I could not accept a B in the class that I took the final for this morning. (Which sounds like this smorning in my head so I could not figure out if I spelled it properly, hee hee.) For those not in "the know" there is a hard curve in the first year of law school, and, like most law schools except Harvard, the bell of the curve sits on the B. Only 18% of the class can get above a B+. I want to be in that 18% because since everyone asks me to explain stuff they don't understand in my property class, I think that I am "too good" for a mere average rating. However, the panic sets in when I thought about the paucity of studying for that final. Additionally, the entirety of the above worries me on many levels, mostly the whole "Ego" being developed. I really need to get over myself.
Speaking of which, I have to study for a test that will, inherently kick my ass, only to be followed on Friday by a test that will kick my ass and my brain, repeatedly, with spiky things on its feet. Think of the fanged protector of the cave that gives the location of the grail. That will make you laugh if you have any sense of humor worth having. Particularly if you remember "Tim" describing it.
Now I must get to work.
PS Taco Bell and 13 hour days in the library are not an appropriate combination. Ulcers and 13 hours in the library and ulcers and Taco Bell are. Odd...
I realized at some point last night while not sleep because the overwhelming panic that I could not accept a B in the class that I took the final for this morning. (Which sounds like this smorning in my head so I could not figure out if I spelled it properly, hee hee.) For those not in "the know" there is a hard curve in the first year of law school, and, like most law schools except Harvard, the bell of the curve sits on the B. Only 18% of the class can get above a B+. I want to be in that 18% because since everyone asks me to explain stuff they don't understand in my property class, I think that I am "too good" for a mere average rating. However, the panic sets in when I thought about the paucity of studying for that final. Additionally, the entirety of the above worries me on many levels, mostly the whole "Ego" being developed. I really need to get over myself.
Speaking of which, I have to study for a test that will, inherently kick my ass, only to be followed on Friday by a test that will kick my ass and my brain, repeatedly, with spiky things on its feet. Think of the fanged protector of the cave that gives the location of the grail. That will make you laugh if you have any sense of humor worth having. Particularly if you remember "Tim" describing it.
Now I must get to work.
PS Taco Bell and 13 hour days in the library are not an appropriate combination. Ulcers and 13 hours in the library and ulcers and Taco Bell are. Odd...
Friday, May 12, 2006
I am not dead, yet
I have just completed my first of four finals. I have not been posting here because a) I'm lazy and b) I know that I should be spending my time doing more studying and less procrastinating.
The funny thing about the second reason is that well, it doesn't always seem to work out that just because I'm not doing one procrastination that I'm not doing all the rest. In fact, I was, but well, now in the next 7 days I must prepared for and take 3 three hour exams that will decide my whole grade for a class I've been going to for four months. Therefore, blog procrastination is added to the list of things acceptable to do.
There is nothing funny about the first reason, except that well, if you know me, which you probably do if you're reading this, you know that I'm not lazy about everything, just selective things like keeping up to date with my friends. Sorry about that.
Here are things I would like to rant about:
1) I work at the school library as my work study. Since I work the circulation desk, my time spent in the books is limited to "shelf reading" and reshelving certain types of books. Shelf reading involves going into certain portions of the stack (the areas were we reshelve no less) and make sure that the books are in order, by call number then by volume number. The areas we reshelve in and "read" in are the series of reporters that are put out by court reporting publishers by volume. Therefore, we're making sure that books are in their proper order from 1 to whatever number it ends at before the publisher starts recounting and naming the series 2nd or 3rd, etc. Not terribly challenging work for someone going after an "advanced" degree.
You would think that, but you'd be WRONG.
I can't tell you how many books I've had to move because people cannot figure out that if the book they have in their hand says 435 in big numbers on the outside it belongs after 434 and before 436, where the big hole they left was created when they pulled the book out is, not after 146, where they put it. Is it really that hard? Now I know that people don't always pay attention and therefore just put books back where ever, and well, bully for them, but I am also firmly convinced that these are the same people that complain that the books they need are never in the right place or reshelved quickly enough.
Or they complain that the print card machine needs fives and ones and we never have change (it's not our machine or our responsibility, except when it breaks).
I really just don't like people.
2) If it is clearly "study for finals in the library time," popping your gum for two hours should be reason for me to beat you. Not turning off your cell phone ringer, well, then "grave bodily harm" is justified. Not turning off your cell phone ringer, answering the phone call in the carrels, and proceeding to have a conversation that starts with "I'm in the library" and lasts more than 30 seconds without you leaving the study area where "no cell phones can be used here" is clearly marked, well, you're risking your life. Seriously.
3) DHL can bite my ass.
4) I am conscious hypocrite. (I don't have my cell phone on in the library or snap gum, but I do look down on people for interrupting everyone or being rude, and I do that.) I think that's worse than just being a hypocrite. I must fix this, but I don't know how.
5) The more people I talk to in law school the more I realize there are people here that I like and I should be more social. And they should all stop trying to transfer to other schools.
6) I broke my coffee grinder the day before finals and don't have any ground coffee in my house, you try to tell me that God has no sense of humor.
Now, onto property studies, unless there is something else I need to do...
The funny thing about the second reason is that well, it doesn't always seem to work out that just because I'm not doing one procrastination that I'm not doing all the rest. In fact, I was, but well, now in the next 7 days I must prepared for and take 3 three hour exams that will decide my whole grade for a class I've been going to for four months. Therefore, blog procrastination is added to the list of things acceptable to do.
There is nothing funny about the first reason, except that well, if you know me, which you probably do if you're reading this, you know that I'm not lazy about everything, just selective things like keeping up to date with my friends. Sorry about that.
Here are things I would like to rant about:
1) I work at the school library as my work study. Since I work the circulation desk, my time spent in the books is limited to "shelf reading" and reshelving certain types of books. Shelf reading involves going into certain portions of the stack (the areas were we reshelve no less) and make sure that the books are in order, by call number then by volume number. The areas we reshelve in and "read" in are the series of reporters that are put out by court reporting publishers by volume. Therefore, we're making sure that books are in their proper order from 1 to whatever number it ends at before the publisher starts recounting and naming the series 2nd or 3rd, etc. Not terribly challenging work for someone going after an "advanced" degree.
You would think that, but you'd be WRONG.
I can't tell you how many books I've had to move because people cannot figure out that if the book they have in their hand says 435 in big numbers on the outside it belongs after 434 and before 436, where the big hole they left was created when they pulled the book out is, not after 146, where they put it. Is it really that hard? Now I know that people don't always pay attention and therefore just put books back where ever, and well, bully for them, but I am also firmly convinced that these are the same people that complain that the books they need are never in the right place or reshelved quickly enough.
Or they complain that the print card machine needs fives and ones and we never have change (it's not our machine or our responsibility, except when it breaks).
I really just don't like people.
2) If it is clearly "study for finals in the library time," popping your gum for two hours should be reason for me to beat you. Not turning off your cell phone ringer, well, then "grave bodily harm" is justified. Not turning off your cell phone ringer, answering the phone call in the carrels, and proceeding to have a conversation that starts with "I'm in the library" and lasts more than 30 seconds without you leaving the study area where "no cell phones can be used here" is clearly marked, well, you're risking your life. Seriously.
3) DHL can bite my ass.
4) I am conscious hypocrite. (I don't have my cell phone on in the library or snap gum, but I do look down on people for interrupting everyone or being rude, and I do that.) I think that's worse than just being a hypocrite. I must fix this, but I don't know how.
5) The more people I talk to in law school the more I realize there are people here that I like and I should be more social. And they should all stop trying to transfer to other schools.
6) I broke my coffee grinder the day before finals and don't have any ground coffee in my house, you try to tell me that God has no sense of humor.
Now, onto property studies, unless there is something else I need to do...
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
What I learned today
This week (4/24-4/30) is Turn-off your TV week. I just learned about it from people who noticed that no one participates who watches TV anyway. I think I figured out why, there are no TV commercials telling us to turn-off the TV for a week. Only commercials telling us how vital this week's TV will be for my viewing pleasure (except the shows that are in rerun even though they never seem to have new episodes -- I'm looking at you Criminal Minds). Obviously, it didn't work on me because I know what the commercials this week are...
Speaking of turn-offs, we're learning about rape this week in criminal law. Well, let's just say that there is a reason why it is so drastically under reported. The process of proving rape is well, awful to the victim at best. The law is "getting better" though. Only two states still hold that a husband can never rape his wife. How modern. I don't know which states, but after I finish my finals I might remember to find out and mention it. Just because I am very irritated. (OH, and in the other 48 states, only 12 have completely abolished spousal immunity.) Trends shunning the old laws requiring resistance (physical and/or verbal) are softening. And "virtually every" state has enacted rape-shield laws that prevent inquiries into a victims past sexual history or reputation for "lack of chastity." Not that defense lawyers haven't try to say that they aren't constitutional laws, but they lose. I am angry and don't want to sit through a class discussion on it unless everyone realizes how damaging this process is to the victim and how wrong the old laws are. One final less "men are the bad guys" oriented comment, recent rape laws are gender-neutral showing that both men and women can be victims and aggressors. This is the right thing to do, especially now that incapacitation of the victim is also grounds for rape.
Ooof, I'm all in a fluster because I get so upset...
Okay, I also learned that feminists try to pass legislation in Minnesota and succeeded in passing legislation in Indiana declaring pornography illegal because it all subjugates women. Any thing that depicts sex, not just the stuff that actually shows women being subjugated, is banned. Well, the US Supreme Court said that's a violation of free speech. I agreed. I can't express why my visceral reaction to the argument about pornography just made me reject it, but it did. I just don't think that porn has that much influence that watching a movie where a woman is subservient to a man will cause all men to treat all women poorly because they're being shown a fantastic world where that happens. Like regular movies, TV shows, role expectation, and other things don't do that enough. Perhaps I am just upset at the focus and attention on porn and not the underlying societal expectations (which I admit are getting better, but in the 1970s when this legislative push was occurring was not as far along as it is).
Perhaps learning this stuff isn't good for me, but well, sometimes it's good to get the blood pumping out of irrational irritation at the "man." Especially if I'm going to be a lawyer and regularly encounter such things in the workplace. Yeah, the law profession is still a little behind the ball even though two woman have sat on the Supreme Court. Some judges may not "appreciate" a woman lawyer wearing a pantsuit in their courtroom. Bollox on them.
Some times when I have a groove going, I throw myself out of it. So long as I don't pull anything when I do it, the world's alright.
Speaking of turn-offs, we're learning about rape this week in criminal law. Well, let's just say that there is a reason why it is so drastically under reported. The process of proving rape is well, awful to the victim at best. The law is "getting better" though. Only two states still hold that a husband can never rape his wife. How modern. I don't know which states, but after I finish my finals I might remember to find out and mention it. Just because I am very irritated. (OH, and in the other 48 states, only 12 have completely abolished spousal immunity.) Trends shunning the old laws requiring resistance (physical and/or verbal) are softening. And "virtually every" state has enacted rape-shield laws that prevent inquiries into a victims past sexual history or reputation for "lack of chastity." Not that defense lawyers haven't try to say that they aren't constitutional laws, but they lose. I am angry and don't want to sit through a class discussion on it unless everyone realizes how damaging this process is to the victim and how wrong the old laws are. One final less "men are the bad guys" oriented comment, recent rape laws are gender-neutral showing that both men and women can be victims and aggressors. This is the right thing to do, especially now that incapacitation of the victim is also grounds for rape.
Ooof, I'm all in a fluster because I get so upset...
Okay, I also learned that feminists try to pass legislation in Minnesota and succeeded in passing legislation in Indiana declaring pornography illegal because it all subjugates women. Any thing that depicts sex, not just the stuff that actually shows women being subjugated, is banned. Well, the US Supreme Court said that's a violation of free speech. I agreed. I can't express why my visceral reaction to the argument about pornography just made me reject it, but it did. I just don't think that porn has that much influence that watching a movie where a woman is subservient to a man will cause all men to treat all women poorly because they're being shown a fantastic world where that happens. Like regular movies, TV shows, role expectation, and other things don't do that enough. Perhaps I am just upset at the focus and attention on porn and not the underlying societal expectations (which I admit are getting better, but in the 1970s when this legislative push was occurring was not as far along as it is).
Perhaps learning this stuff isn't good for me, but well, sometimes it's good to get the blood pumping out of irrational irritation at the "man." Especially if I'm going to be a lawyer and regularly encounter such things in the workplace. Yeah, the law profession is still a little behind the ball even though two woman have sat on the Supreme Court. Some judges may not "appreciate" a woman lawyer wearing a pantsuit in their courtroom. Bollox on them.
Some times when I have a groove going, I throw myself out of it. So long as I don't pull anything when I do it, the world's alright.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Three things to make me think, but not in that challenging way
1) M&M is not the wholesome family candy that I thought it was. I just saw the TV ad about the new M&M's candy bars and well, I was off-put by the way they implied that they arrive. Candy should not get it on. Period.
2) Umm, there was a number two, but I can't remember. Something about a commercial...
3) No matter how bad ass you think you are and no matter how cool rocker your look is, it is woefully overturned by the fact that you're playing the accordian.
That is all.
2) Umm, there was a number two, but I can't remember. Something about a commercial...
3) No matter how bad ass you think you are and no matter how cool rocker your look is, it is woefully overturned by the fact that you're playing the accordian.
That is all.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Sometimes you're disappointed for a reason
and it's the best reason possible.
So, two major things of note.
First, the job fairy came to visit me and and said she has something for me which I would like. It doesn't pay, but I do get credit for it and it's actually the type of job I think I would like post school. So, we're about to find out about the "real world" of the law for the summer and I get to pay extra tution just to see what it's like. It's a backhanded sort of "we're always happy to take more of your money" sort of thing where I pay to school to give me credit for an externship and they did nothing to get me or educate me the entire time. I do have to take another class at some point to "justify" the credit, but that class is its own set of credits and a separate grade. I think. I will need to find this sort of thing out, but that's for after learning the Constitutional law that means nothing.
Secondly, I have agreed to move in with the boy this summer. Major step, minor panic attack. But, hey, I should know early if this whole thing is "the real thing" given my advancing age. (In the last three weeks I have been accused of being thirty more than once.) It's just one big scary thing and well, I just sort of deliberated for a long time then rashly made my decision one night. That's pretty much how I've made most the major decisions in life, and while I always wonder "what if" I have never truly been all that disappointed in the long run. I know this is part luck, but I like to think that once there's a well thought out decision in my subconscious, I just run with it and that's why it seems rash, even to me. I also recognized that while I'm going through the changes my psuedo rash decisions cause, I always get a little down and regret making changes to my life. Hopefully this won't happen in this case because well, he's gonna be living with me.
I must go see an opera sometime because the music sounds fasinating...
So, two major things of note.
First, the job fairy came to visit me and and said she has something for me which I would like. It doesn't pay, but I do get credit for it and it's actually the type of job I think I would like post school. So, we're about to find out about the "real world" of the law for the summer and I get to pay extra tution just to see what it's like. It's a backhanded sort of "we're always happy to take more of your money" sort of thing where I pay to school to give me credit for an externship and they did nothing to get me or educate me the entire time. I do have to take another class at some point to "justify" the credit, but that class is its own set of credits and a separate grade. I think. I will need to find this sort of thing out, but that's for after learning the Constitutional law that means nothing.
Secondly, I have agreed to move in with the boy this summer. Major step, minor panic attack. But, hey, I should know early if this whole thing is "the real thing" given my advancing age. (In the last three weeks I have been accused of being thirty more than once.) It's just one big scary thing and well, I just sort of deliberated for a long time then rashly made my decision one night. That's pretty much how I've made most the major decisions in life, and while I always wonder "what if" I have never truly been all that disappointed in the long run. I know this is part luck, but I like to think that once there's a well thought out decision in my subconscious, I just run with it and that's why it seems rash, even to me. I also recognized that while I'm going through the changes my psuedo rash decisions cause, I always get a little down and regret making changes to my life. Hopefully this won't happen in this case because well, he's gonna be living with me.
I must go see an opera sometime because the music sounds fasinating...
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Hello grand world
Some day I will learn to do my taxes before April 5th, check my voicemail more than once a week, and return emails faster. Until that day, I will regret my failure to improve when important things happen and I miss out.
This week's conversation with the judges went much better than the last, but as I don't actually recall anything that I've said to either set, I won't post a "transcript" of this weeks interaction. Fortunately, I am done with that. Now there are only a few weeks to finals and then I have officially finished my first year of law school. There is a long stream of explitives that should be inserted here, but I won't because it's unproductive and my break's about to end. Suffice to say, I still don't know what I want to do with my law degree and I am not prepared to take finals in five weeks. Enough said.
PS I think my biological clock just started quietly ticking.
This week's conversation with the judges went much better than the last, but as I don't actually recall anything that I've said to either set, I won't post a "transcript" of this weeks interaction. Fortunately, I am done with that. Now there are only a few weeks to finals and then I have officially finished my first year of law school. There is a long stream of explitives that should be inserted here, but I won't because it's unproductive and my break's about to end. Suffice to say, I still don't know what I want to do with my law degree and I am not prepared to take finals in five weeks. Enough said.
PS I think my biological clock just started quietly ticking.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
One Week, One Post, One half-assed attempt at life
So, to sum up counselor, you know what you're talking about, have the case law memorized, know the record inside and out, and still cannot convince me you know what you're talking about because you always say "I believe" and "ah" and sound unconfident when you're forced to talk for more than thirty seconds at a time.
Yes your honor, that's true. However, it should be noted that the conversation and panic going on inside my head that never comes out into the courtroom is probably more telling of why I shouldn't win.
Why is that counselor?
Well, your honor, because it says "oh shiznit, that's one of the fatal flaws in my arguement on a merits level...I think this judge is trying to make me look stupid...may be I actually am stupid...wait, what am I saying, I am answering the question and I am not aware of the words coming out of my mouth...sigh, I don't know what I'm doing in law school..."
I see, and tell me again why we should modify our policy to agree with you?
My brain is saying that it's because you gave me the idea for the argument in other decisions, my mouth however is trying to be more eloquent with that fact and a bunch of crap keeps pouring out. So, basically, you should agree because I can just keep talking about this.
Interesting counselor. Is there anything else I should know?
Yes you honor, everyone elses arguments, I gave them those too, so I should be credited with any good points my colleague may have made even though you don't know that and I'm not supposed to help with substance. I just can't help it. That's really why I should win.
Thank you counselor.
No, thank you, your honor.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I'm in law school.
Yes your honor, that's true. However, it should be noted that the conversation and panic going on inside my head that never comes out into the courtroom is probably more telling of why I shouldn't win.
Why is that counselor?
Well, your honor, because it says "oh shiznit, that's one of the fatal flaws in my arguement on a merits level...I think this judge is trying to make me look stupid...may be I actually am stupid...wait, what am I saying, I am answering the question and I am not aware of the words coming out of my mouth...sigh, I don't know what I'm doing in law school..."
I see, and tell me again why we should modify our policy to agree with you?
My brain is saying that it's because you gave me the idea for the argument in other decisions, my mouth however is trying to be more eloquent with that fact and a bunch of crap keeps pouring out. So, basically, you should agree because I can just keep talking about this.
Interesting counselor. Is there anything else I should know?
Yes you honor, everyone elses arguments, I gave them those too, so I should be credited with any good points my colleague may have made even though you don't know that and I'm not supposed to help with substance. I just can't help it. That's really why I should win.
Thank you counselor.
No, thank you, your honor.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I'm in law school.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
all work and no play makes erin bitchy
So, on Sunday, I pulled the first non-drinking related all-nighter in approximately 7 years. It was not fun. I however, was funny that morning and had the mind of a pea brained bird that afternoon. I could barely accomplish the task of doing my laundry. That is not a good thing. However, I was cheerful for the majority of the day, even if I couldn't remember why I had walked into the kitchen for the third time (it was to eat, each time).
Today, however, is actually worse. Since I spent the afternoon yesterday not getting anything done while trying to remember to get stuff done and falling asleep for short periods of time, I could not fall asleep until after 1am. I got "up" at 7 got to school by 8:15 to do the stuff I hadn't accomplished yesterday and proceded to fall asleep at a desk at the library for five minutes. There was a tiny bit of drool, which is always amusing. However I am not easily amused today. Instead, I am not fond of people and their annoying traits are highlighted in gross exageration. I do not like people today. Unfortunately, people are necessary. Stupid necessary things.
I had something else to say....
OH, I remember, did everyone else out there know that the Golden Girls Theme song actually was a song? I keep hearing it on the radio (I listen to a radio station that plays a lot of variety of music from the 60s to today and you can go from Captin and Tennile to Jack Johnson to ACDC in fifteen minutes which is very much up my alley) and there are a bunch of verses and the chorus is longer than the TV show indicated. I always thought the song was written for the show, but aparrently it was release like a real song (sort of like the Friends theme). I really wish that I had known that earlier in life for some reason. I also enjoy the fact that it startles me everytime I hear it and then episodes go through my mind...ah, to have cable someday...
Declaring that you're funny inherently means that you're not that funny. I should know, I do it all the time.
Today, however, is actually worse. Since I spent the afternoon yesterday not getting anything done while trying to remember to get stuff done and falling asleep for short periods of time, I could not fall asleep until after 1am. I got "up" at 7 got to school by 8:15 to do the stuff I hadn't accomplished yesterday and proceded to fall asleep at a desk at the library for five minutes. There was a tiny bit of drool, which is always amusing. However I am not easily amused today. Instead, I am not fond of people and their annoying traits are highlighted in gross exageration. I do not like people today. Unfortunately, people are necessary. Stupid necessary things.
I had something else to say....
OH, I remember, did everyone else out there know that the Golden Girls Theme song actually was a song? I keep hearing it on the radio (I listen to a radio station that plays a lot of variety of music from the 60s to today and you can go from Captin and Tennile to Jack Johnson to ACDC in fifteen minutes which is very much up my alley) and there are a bunch of verses and the chorus is longer than the TV show indicated. I always thought the song was written for the show, but aparrently it was release like a real song (sort of like the Friends theme). I really wish that I had known that earlier in life for some reason. I also enjoy the fact that it startles me everytime I hear it and then episodes go through my mind...ah, to have cable someday...
Declaring that you're funny inherently means that you're not that funny. I should know, I do it all the time.
Monday, March 20, 2006
What I did over my spring break...
Well, well, well, one more week of my life I will never get back. What do I have to show for it?
I did work for pay at the library for 20 hours. This means I will get paid for those 20 hours. Too bad I've already spent that money.
I submitted 9 applications to intern for judges. So far, only one rejection letter (which by the way was recieved four days after the application was dropped off, now that's efficient). Still don't have a job. I am expecting the rest of the rejections soon.
I spent too many waking hours re-reading everything I've read for the last two months. This is a very slow way to go about getting stuff learned. However, in criminal law I am about 3 weeks in, in constitutional law I am about 2 weeks in, in civil procedure I am about 4 weeks in and for property law I am 1 week in. This may seem like quite an achievement until you put in the fact that I still have to go to class and do the whole reading thing for my current assignments, not just get caught up on the last two weeks. I am at a loss as to how to qualify this work product for the week.
My apartment is shiny clean. Except the kitchen, which has a large counter space full of paper. This is the only part of cleaning that I have to do. Except that I will need to clean everything again next week and I need to laundry again. Woe is me.
So, in conclusion Spring Break was a wash. But, I did go to Costco which always brings me joy, if not samplings of some bomb ass cheese.
Now, I have no time left to spare and must being the ridge schedule that is my afternoon's persuit of getting further caught up and not behind. Plus I just got lotsa work along with a bitch slap when I got my brief back. Must go soak in the misery.
Why isn't there a magic job fairy who grants us all our wish of finding a job that we want to do?
I did work for pay at the library for 20 hours. This means I will get paid for those 20 hours. Too bad I've already spent that money.
I submitted 9 applications to intern for judges. So far, only one rejection letter (which by the way was recieved four days after the application was dropped off, now that's efficient). Still don't have a job. I am expecting the rest of the rejections soon.
I spent too many waking hours re-reading everything I've read for the last two months. This is a very slow way to go about getting stuff learned. However, in criminal law I am about 3 weeks in, in constitutional law I am about 2 weeks in, in civil procedure I am about 4 weeks in and for property law I am 1 week in. This may seem like quite an achievement until you put in the fact that I still have to go to class and do the whole reading thing for my current assignments, not just get caught up on the last two weeks. I am at a loss as to how to qualify this work product for the week.
My apartment is shiny clean. Except the kitchen, which has a large counter space full of paper. This is the only part of cleaning that I have to do. Except that I will need to clean everything again next week and I need to laundry again. Woe is me.
So, in conclusion Spring Break was a wash. But, I did go to Costco which always brings me joy, if not samplings of some bomb ass cheese.
Now, I have no time left to spare and must being the ridge schedule that is my afternoon's persuit of getting further caught up and not behind. Plus I just got lotsa work along with a bitch slap when I got my brief back. Must go soak in the misery.
Why isn't there a magic job fairy who grants us all our wish of finding a job that we want to do?
Saturday, March 11, 2006
One more thing
For those of you who loved the Dark Crystal, Labryinth, and Never Ending Story movies of your youth, I highly recommend Mirrormask. It is really cool and you should watch it.
Clearly I am concentrating very hard.
Clearly I am concentrating very hard.
What I plan to do with my Spring Break
Well, since I am back at school I now have the luxury of what is called "spring break." It's been so long since I had one, I don't think that I properly know what to do with it. This is my plan:
Get caught up on the non-reading part of law school, i.e. take reading notes on everything I've read so far and/or brief cases read for class thus far, type up notes (I'm so old that I don't type in class, it's all hand written), start class outlines, edit my brief (which is a very law school thing to do).
Continue the hunt for summer employment. I never realized how happy I would be to get a job I wouldn't be paid for till now. Also, going to summer school simply to finance that unpaid work seems, well, particularly nerdy.
Try to get stuff together to put in for judicial internships. This is where coming to San Diego helps me. Since this is the largest city in the southern California area (LA is technically central) and the county seat, there are many, many courts and judges here. I want one of them to hire me.
Work at the library. I am working 20 hours, mostly in the morning, because that's the most number of hours I'm allowed to work according to the ABA. Why they care how much I work is beyond me, but supposedly it's to prevent law firms from working students to death during the school year. However, summer associates can be put through the ringer. It helps with billing 27 hours in one day.
Clean my apartment. Still needing to dust. Perhaps my laundry should be properly put in drawers as well.
Here's a sampling of what other people from my section are doing for spring break:
Going to Vegas
Going to Mexico
Going home
Going on a cruise
Going to visit friends in other cities
I think there is a distinct difference in approaches that is due to my lack of recent experiences with spring break. Also, many of my breaks were planned for me by the softball team. They made us go places where it was (usually) warmer than Iowa to play softball in polyester pants. So, I really don't have any experience in the whole "plan a spring break" area.
Thinking about it did bring back the happy memory of being stuck at Grinnell House for a week because I lived too far from home to go back for a week. Fortunately, I had a cohort to be stuck with and we had complete run of the place because there was NO ONE there -- this included the kitchen where there was a big fridge made of stainless steel. We went to Perkins and bought pies -- one for her and one for me (I think I got one anyway). We ate them for every meal. It was great. We also laughed a lot. I miss that level of friendship.
Right now I am procrastinating and not doing my non-reading work. I am at the library. I am always at the library.
I also keep forgetting that it is only Saturday of spring break. I keep thinking it is Monday. So sad.
Oh, and for those of you who can count, which obviously I can't, the fifth favorite snack is goldfish crackers (see below). They make me sing. Not that anyone cares enough that it was pressing to get that information out there; I just can't let some things go.
I think powerbars should be more filing.
Get caught up on the non-reading part of law school, i.e. take reading notes on everything I've read so far and/or brief cases read for class thus far, type up notes (I'm so old that I don't type in class, it's all hand written), start class outlines, edit my brief (which is a very law school thing to do).
Continue the hunt for summer employment. I never realized how happy I would be to get a job I wouldn't be paid for till now. Also, going to summer school simply to finance that unpaid work seems, well, particularly nerdy.
Try to get stuff together to put in for judicial internships. This is where coming to San Diego helps me. Since this is the largest city in the southern California area (LA is technically central) and the county seat, there are many, many courts and judges here. I want one of them to hire me.
Work at the library. I am working 20 hours, mostly in the morning, because that's the most number of hours I'm allowed to work according to the ABA. Why they care how much I work is beyond me, but supposedly it's to prevent law firms from working students to death during the school year. However, summer associates can be put through the ringer. It helps with billing 27 hours in one day.
Clean my apartment. Still needing to dust. Perhaps my laundry should be properly put in drawers as well.
Here's a sampling of what other people from my section are doing for spring break:
Going to Vegas
Going to Mexico
Going home
Going on a cruise
Going to visit friends in other cities
I think there is a distinct difference in approaches that is due to my lack of recent experiences with spring break. Also, many of my breaks were planned for me by the softball team. They made us go places where it was (usually) warmer than Iowa to play softball in polyester pants. So, I really don't have any experience in the whole "plan a spring break" area.
Thinking about it did bring back the happy memory of being stuck at Grinnell House for a week because I lived too far from home to go back for a week. Fortunately, I had a cohort to be stuck with and we had complete run of the place because there was NO ONE there -- this included the kitchen where there was a big fridge made of stainless steel. We went to Perkins and bought pies -- one for her and one for me (I think I got one anyway). We ate them for every meal. It was great. We also laughed a lot. I miss that level of friendship.
Right now I am procrastinating and not doing my non-reading work. I am at the library. I am always at the library.
I also keep forgetting that it is only Saturday of spring break. I keep thinking it is Monday. So sad.
Oh, and for those of you who can count, which obviously I can't, the fifth favorite snack is goldfish crackers (see below). They make me sing. Not that anyone cares enough that it was pressing to get that information out there; I just can't let some things go.
I think powerbars should be more filing.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Melinda Made me
Melinda has forced my hand by calling me out. Thusly, I respond (also I just don't want to do my homework).
What Were You Doing Ten Years Ago?
I couldn't even remember when 10 years ago was, but because Melinda and Laurie both reminded me we were sophmore's in college, it's vaguely familiar. I was living in a house full of women who were not perfectly compatable. I think I was speaking to only a few of them at the time (who both knowledge of this blog and I love them both to this day). It's possibile that I had just instituted the mandatory dish night rule and was trying to block the smell of celery from ever reaching me. I was also determining that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and writing pretentious short story/free style poetry that is better left unshared. Oh, and I was playing softball in the pretty, blue floored PEC, looking forward to traveling to Florida with a group of girls I didn't think that I'd like (execpt for the three or four girls that were cool in the same geeky way I was).
What Were You Doing One Year Ago?
Oddly enough, still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. However, instead of being in school at the time, I was looking to go back. So, I had just finished scrambling to apply to a bunch of schools and getting my financial aid information together. So, I was sitting on my thumbs waiting to hear how my life would play out. And here I am now, still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.
Five Snacks You Enjoy-
Cheezits -- all time greatest!!! good with peanut butter and humus or plain
Ice cream -- yummmmmmm
Red Vines licorice -- which occassionally is not a snack but a meal
apples with peanut butter -- mostly it's for the peanut butter which I have been known to eat by the spoonful. Or maybe no one knew and I'm finally admitting
Five Songs To Which You Know The Lyrics-
I don't really recognize that I know all the words to a song (or many songs back to back) until I realize that I've sung along to the whole song, but I do know that I know these because I've been able to sing them in public into a microphone (with some liquid courage, of course):
Hit me with your best shot -- Pat Benatar
Fancy -- Reba McIntyre
I will survive -- Gloria Gaynor (which I almost attributed to Gloria Steinum, hmm)
Outside the karaoke nightmare, I know:
A bunch of country songs (I will not admit to knowing them outside of the safe and private space that is a blog)
Also many songs by The Who, Bare Naked Ladies, Black Eyed Peas, Dar Williams, and a whole bunch on the radio now because when I listen they aren't hard to get stuck in your head and they are exactly "complicated" to remember
Don't ask me what kind of music I like because I like music, except some stuff.
Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire-
Pay off my parent's mortgage
Buy a house so that I could decorate it how I wanted. I wish to paint walls.
Pay for law school.
Force many of my friends to go on vacation somewhere cool with me by paying for it. I'm thinking Brazil sounds neat.
Start some sort of trust that grows my millions into billions and gives it all to good people who are trying to make bad stuff stop happening in their neighborhood. Oh, and they would buy one big peace of land needing conservation and find a way to turn it into a place for kids to come and learn about that ecosystem. Possibly, one in every state, if the trust handlers were good enough.
Five Folks I'm Tagging for This Beeotch
I don't know enough people who blog, so um, Dan, you're it. Everyone else should start a blog (or tell me about theirs) and start with this.
What Were You Doing Ten Years Ago?
I couldn't even remember when 10 years ago was, but because Melinda and Laurie both reminded me we were sophmore's in college, it's vaguely familiar. I was living in a house full of women who were not perfectly compatable. I think I was speaking to only a few of them at the time (who both knowledge of this blog and I love them both to this day). It's possibile that I had just instituted the mandatory dish night rule and was trying to block the smell of celery from ever reaching me. I was also determining that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and writing pretentious short story/free style poetry that is better left unshared. Oh, and I was playing softball in the pretty, blue floored PEC, looking forward to traveling to Florida with a group of girls I didn't think that I'd like (execpt for the three or four girls that were cool in the same geeky way I was).
What Were You Doing One Year Ago?
Oddly enough, still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. However, instead of being in school at the time, I was looking to go back. So, I had just finished scrambling to apply to a bunch of schools and getting my financial aid information together. So, I was sitting on my thumbs waiting to hear how my life would play out. And here I am now, still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.
Five Snacks You Enjoy-
Cheezits -- all time greatest!!! good with peanut butter and humus or plain
Ice cream -- yummmmmmm
Red Vines licorice -- which occassionally is not a snack but a meal
apples with peanut butter -- mostly it's for the peanut butter which I have been known to eat by the spoonful. Or maybe no one knew and I'm finally admitting
Five Songs To Which You Know The Lyrics-
I don't really recognize that I know all the words to a song (or many songs back to back) until I realize that I've sung along to the whole song, but I do know that I know these because I've been able to sing them in public into a microphone (with some liquid courage, of course):
Hit me with your best shot -- Pat Benatar
Fancy -- Reba McIntyre
I will survive -- Gloria Gaynor (which I almost attributed to Gloria Steinum, hmm)
Outside the karaoke nightmare, I know:
A bunch of country songs (I will not admit to knowing them outside of the safe and private space that is a blog)
Also many songs by The Who, Bare Naked Ladies, Black Eyed Peas, Dar Williams, and a whole bunch on the radio now because when I listen they aren't hard to get stuck in your head and they are exactly "complicated" to remember
Don't ask me what kind of music I like because I like music, except some stuff.
Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire-
Pay off my parent's mortgage
Buy a house so that I could decorate it how I wanted. I wish to paint walls.
Pay for law school.
Force many of my friends to go on vacation somewhere cool with me by paying for it. I'm thinking Brazil sounds neat.
Start some sort of trust that grows my millions into billions and gives it all to good people who are trying to make bad stuff stop happening in their neighborhood. Oh, and they would buy one big peace of land needing conservation and find a way to turn it into a place for kids to come and learn about that ecosystem. Possibly, one in every state, if the trust handlers were good enough.
Five Folks I'm Tagging for This Beeotch
I don't know enough people who blog, so um, Dan, you're it. Everyone else should start a blog (or tell me about theirs) and start with this.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
...but I'm feeling much better now
I have often repeated that line and am referencing Judge Harry Stone's father (as in Night Court) who was crazy but got better. He remained a highly unusual man, and you didn't actually know that he was Harry's father until the character had been around for about 2 seasons or so. People never get the reference which leads me to believe either I was a very advanced grade schooler who watched a grown up show that no one else watched, or I have wasted much of my brain power storing random trivia from my grade school days that others don't care about or remember. But, I digress.
So, as noted in my last update over a week ago, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. I can add to that now that the sleep that I do get is of two types: 1) the sleep of the dead in which you put your head down and instantly you realized that the alarm clock has been snoozing for 30 minutes and you need to get up, or 2) the sleep of the nightmare where you have nightmares about everything that is stressing you out and some of it is absurd but you wake up unsure if you just had a dream about arguing a point of law from a case you've read twice in the middle of a psychedelic flashback or if it really did happen. In the case of the second sleep, I never can determine if I am more disturbed by the fact that I have the brain that dreams so vividly about case law or that I can't distinguish between the dream and the reality. I think it's the first part.
I have also noted that I have formed opinions about Olympic athlete’s as individuals I have no right to make because I don't know them outside of their interviews. Still, they annoy me and I stand by my dislike. (It is also interesting to note that I am much more likely that my dislike will be strong and my appreciation and amazement will be fleeting. So fickle am I.)
I am also allergic to everything in the whole world. I know this because I have been dealing with a rash on my face for the last week. I think I got it from being alive. Actually, I am pretty sure that I got it from my towel. That sounds really gross, but I am fairly certain that the towel had not been in use for an excessive period of time because I have four towels plus some extra "I won't use them for me but I'll keep them around just in case towels" so I change them with regularity. It appears that I become hypersensitive to the towel at some point and now I must deal with a rash for the next week and a half. This didn't used to happen in college at which time I lacked the plethora of towels and did my laundry at a shame-able rate. This I find dumb. As I get older I am supposed to get better not worse. That's how the saying goes and it wouldn't be a saying if it wasn't true.
But, more to the allergy point, I have also discovered that the single place that I have not had an allergic reaction to something is the deserts of the southwest. Instead, I got what I call the heat flu because it was worse than heat sickness but not so life threatening or rapid onset as heat stroke. I am also certain that if I stayed in the deserts I would find I am allergic to something there too. Especially since my towel seems to the cause in this case. (I also haven't dusted in a while and it's always pollinating season in San Diego, so I doubt it's just the towel.)
That is sadly all that I have to talk about because no one out there probably cares about the distinctiveness requirement for proof of fame in a trademark case. Unfortunately, my professor does so I must too.
I long for normalcy. Supposedly...
So, as noted in my last update over a week ago, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. I can add to that now that the sleep that I do get is of two types: 1) the sleep of the dead in which you put your head down and instantly you realized that the alarm clock has been snoozing for 30 minutes and you need to get up, or 2) the sleep of the nightmare where you have nightmares about everything that is stressing you out and some of it is absurd but you wake up unsure if you just had a dream about arguing a point of law from a case you've read twice in the middle of a psychedelic flashback or if it really did happen. In the case of the second sleep, I never can determine if I am more disturbed by the fact that I have the brain that dreams so vividly about case law or that I can't distinguish between the dream and the reality. I think it's the first part.
I have also noted that I have formed opinions about Olympic athlete’s as individuals I have no right to make because I don't know them outside of their interviews. Still, they annoy me and I stand by my dislike. (It is also interesting to note that I am much more likely that my dislike will be strong and my appreciation and amazement will be fleeting. So fickle am I.)
I am also allergic to everything in the whole world. I know this because I have been dealing with a rash on my face for the last week. I think I got it from being alive. Actually, I am pretty sure that I got it from my towel. That sounds really gross, but I am fairly certain that the towel had not been in use for an excessive period of time because I have four towels plus some extra "I won't use them for me but I'll keep them around just in case towels" so I change them with regularity. It appears that I become hypersensitive to the towel at some point and now I must deal with a rash for the next week and a half. This didn't used to happen in college at which time I lacked the plethora of towels and did my laundry at a shame-able rate. This I find dumb. As I get older I am supposed to get better not worse. That's how the saying goes and it wouldn't be a saying if it wasn't true.
But, more to the allergy point, I have also discovered that the single place that I have not had an allergic reaction to something is the deserts of the southwest. Instead, I got what I call the heat flu because it was worse than heat sickness but not so life threatening or rapid onset as heat stroke. I am also certain that if I stayed in the deserts I would find I am allergic to something there too. Especially since my towel seems to the cause in this case. (I also haven't dusted in a while and it's always pollinating season in San Diego, so I doubt it's just the towel.)
That is sadly all that I have to talk about because no one out there probably cares about the distinctiveness requirement for proof of fame in a trademark case. Unfortunately, my professor does so I must too.
I long for normalcy. Supposedly...
Friday, February 17, 2006
A day in the life of me
So, I will recap yesterday to give my four friends who read this site a hint of the reason why it takes 6 days to come up with a new post. It is a recap from midnight to midnight because there is stuff to say about the wee hours of morn that exist.
12:00am -- begin writting substantive outline due at 9am this morning which I have supposedly been working on all week, but really have been trying to get the information that will create the substantive part of the outline all week.
12:15am -- get frustrated by my inability to start and play "one game" of minesweeper"
12:45am -- start writting substantive outline, again
1:30 am -- continue writing substantive and start the debate of how substantive is substantive and if the 5 points really matter that much in the long run, begin the hearts game to play while "gathering my thoughts"
1:45 am -- force the shut down of hearts as thought seem to not be gathering themselves.
4:00 am -- finish substantive outline, which includes the line "find case support for this point" in more than one place. Somehow, I am fairly certain that this is not part of the whole "substantive" definition, yet I don't care as it is 3:30 am and I have reading and another 4 page "memo" to write for my 9am class.
4:30 am -- finish reading for 9am class and choose bed over ever dealing with my computer again. Make plans to wake at 6:30, eat McDonalds breakfast and be at school by 7 when the library opens.
7:00 am -- realize I have turned my alarm off in my sleep and will be disregarding the need to shower in order to do the work thing.
7:30 am -- arrive in style at library and start typing frantically all the while realizing 1) I am allowed to skip a few of these writing assignments over the course of the semester, 2) I am making up the crap I am writing and know that it is acctually the exact opposite of the point of the mental exercise in which I am supposed to be engaged, and 3) most of my classmates are coming in and out of the computer lab doing the same dang thing
8:45 am -- decide that the half paragraph I have just typed is the equivalent of a page, or as close to it as I am going to get and print the dang thing. 3 pages does not equal 4, but I don't care.
8:50 am -- walk across parking lot to time stamp "substantive" outline and turn in
8:52 am -- sign up for a mandatory conference w/ Prof for whom I just spent four of the wee hours trying to put together an outline for (a conference which I didn't get the email about because I've only been on the computer looking for things to do for the last 8 hours, but heard from the classmate who turned in her assignment when I did)
8:55 am -- walk into Crim Law where zombies and over-caffinate hyper spazs seem to have taken over my classmates, spend next five minutes talking about how little sleep we all got and how none of us feel prepared to do anything that day
9:00 am -- proceed to learn from a man who is considered to be one of the smartest professors at the Law School who has also teaches philosophy as a guest professor on occassion. He tries to teach me criminal law. I try to avoid looking stupid on a regular basis by taking copious notes which don't tell me anything because it is a truly socratic class that leads to the conclusion that there really is no answer.
10:08am -- class ends head to 10:30 classroom to do the reading that I didn't get to last night.
10:30am -- Civil Procedure class begins. I am still trying to finish the reading while taking notes. The professor that I have for this class is considered a leading scholar in California Civil Procedure, and has written the only available casebook on the subject. Fortunately, this is just general civil procedure and he his a great teacher. I take notes that make sense and get through the reading far enough to almost participate in class. I do not get called on because I volunteered so much last semester that this semester we are "letting someone else have a chance" -- yes I am that girl.
11:45 am -- Professor finishes class 5 minutes early woohoo! So, I head to the car to switch books then to the deli to buy lunch
11:55 am -- pull out the reading for Constitutional law which is swimming with words that I cannot read like "this" and "is" while I eat my sanwich which says it has mustard on but I can't taste it which is frustrating because I like mustard
12:05 pm -- classmate joins me stating that I will not be doing the reading anymore because she wishes to distract me. I agree to the plan and we plot the demise of a particular classmate who drives all other students and most professors up the frickin wall. Much joy is shared.
12:30 pm -- part ways with classmate as she goes to switch her books and I go to put my coffee cup in the car which I meant to do before when I switched my books out
12:35 pm -- arrive in classroom for Constitutional Law to do more reading. Get through about two pages when classmates start arriving and we begin to talk. Discussion turns to the fact that no one can participate in the class because they don't know what's going on and don't think doing the reading is important. I become further convinced that someday I will be the only one there for class in my area of the classroom.
1:05 pm -- Australian professor (who is teching American Constitutional law without having gone to a US law school) starts class late because he is always late, even though he comes into the room on time he leaves and then comes back late
1:20 pm -- realize that even though I am about 50 pages behind in the reading, I will be fine because well, so's the class. Besides there are about 10 of us who participate in class, including me, and he never picks on you when you're wrong
2:50 pm -- class is done for the day. Determine that I am exhausted and will not continue on studying at the library today, I will go home. Discuss with classmates about going out on Saturday by inviting myself to classmate's birthday party. Make it better by offering to take her to Costco to pick up party supplies.
3:05 pm -- decide that I need to buy a new highlighter and other stuff so head to Costco to do it (a five minute drive from school). Decide that Costco is awesome, but it's a good thing if I don't got more than once a month as I buy too much stuff because I'm at costco. Bought many things that I will need in the future, but don't need today. Cannot buy forty day supply of Claritin-D because it's illegal to sell that many boxes as once by state law, settle for the allowed 20 day supply and realize that it's great for business because you have to come back more often. Also, if I was going to make meth out of it, do you think I would also buy two button downshirts and organic lettuce and not some other product used in making meth at the same time? (In OR, they take a record behind the pharmacy counter of your name and license because the state requires that it get tracked. They sell 30 day supplies there.)
4:25 pm -- arrive home (Costco is about a five minute drive from my house), take three trips from car to 2nd floor apartment because I just went to Costco. Take trash out (twice) as I return to car
4:40 pm -- determine that since Costco did not have highlighters and I like to go to places that aren't school I will go to Office Depot. Spend a crap ton of time trying to figure out what type of highlighter to buy because none of them are labeled with markings like "will not bleed through the page making it appear that the other side is highlighted" except one which I bought the last time which was more like a glue stick (without the glue attributes) than a highlighter. More accurately it was like a tube of lipstick, simply applies color on top of the page by placing some sort of solid colorant stuff on it. After that, I realized I needed more notebooks in which notes would be taken. Wander around Office Depot (pronounced as though it rhymes with the kitchen item) looking for legal pads that aren't legal size (couldn't find them in either size) and end up finding a travel USB drive that is on wicked good sale with much storage space. Get the clerk to open the case and procure me the last one with the rebate. Ask the clerk where legal pads are ("oh, you mean the ones that tear from the top" ???) and get directions to the one aisle I didn't go to because I didn't realize there was anything there. Pick-up a bunch of the office depot brand which are on clearance (24 pads w/ 50 pages...that should get me through March). Pay and leave.
5:45pm -- return home hoping that new highlighters won't bleed through paper.
6:00pm -- apartment is too quiet and turn on tv with my property book out to catch up on reading and do reading for tomorrow (highlighter does not bleed, minor moral victory for the day accomplished)
8:00 pm -- with book still out and tv still on, try to read but have gotten about two pages into the reading
8:30 pm -- bake a potato in the microwave. Decided that precooked chicken strips that say not to use after 2/2/06 should still be used because they only look weird because the carmel coloring is bleeding out (or at least that what I've told myself).
10:00pm -- having turned the page once and watch a throughly facinating CSI episode (it gets better sometimes when it sort of relates to law school stuff, which the rerun did in an odd, baby selling sort of way) decide to call the boyfriend to chat for a while
10:03 pm -- boyfriend is currently boarding a plane to go to Vegas and spend the entire time drunk. I get short lecture on not drinking and driving on Saturday. Made mental note that he needs to piss off. Share my moral victory which does not seem to impress him so decide he should get on the plane and I will seriously do my reading now.
10:10 pm -- try to read, turn tv back on get through about 4 pages
11:30 pm -- I realize Letterman is on which makes it late, decide to wait til top 10 is read. Am pleased with the number of "Cheney was drunk and shot somebody jokes"
12:15 am -- decide that I must sleep now will do the property reading later and go to bed
That is why no one ever hears from me. It's all minesweepers fault.
Chicken must thaw faster...
12:00am -- begin writting substantive outline due at 9am this morning which I have supposedly been working on all week, but really have been trying to get the information that will create the substantive part of the outline all week.
12:15am -- get frustrated by my inability to start and play "one game" of minesweeper"
12:45am -- start writting substantive outline, again
1:30 am -- continue writing substantive and start the debate of how substantive is substantive and if the 5 points really matter that much in the long run, begin the hearts game to play while "gathering my thoughts"
1:45 am -- force the shut down of hearts as thought seem to not be gathering themselves.
4:00 am -- finish substantive outline, which includes the line "find case support for this point" in more than one place. Somehow, I am fairly certain that this is not part of the whole "substantive" definition, yet I don't care as it is 3:30 am and I have reading and another 4 page "memo" to write for my 9am class.
4:30 am -- finish reading for 9am class and choose bed over ever dealing with my computer again. Make plans to wake at 6:30, eat McDonalds breakfast and be at school by 7 when the library opens.
7:00 am -- realize I have turned my alarm off in my sleep and will be disregarding the need to shower in order to do the work thing.
7:30 am -- arrive in style at library and start typing frantically all the while realizing 1) I am allowed to skip a few of these writing assignments over the course of the semester, 2) I am making up the crap I am writing and know that it is acctually the exact opposite of the point of the mental exercise in which I am supposed to be engaged, and 3) most of my classmates are coming in and out of the computer lab doing the same dang thing
8:45 am -- decide that the half paragraph I have just typed is the equivalent of a page, or as close to it as I am going to get and print the dang thing. 3 pages does not equal 4, but I don't care.
8:50 am -- walk across parking lot to time stamp "substantive" outline and turn in
8:52 am -- sign up for a mandatory conference w/ Prof for whom I just spent four of the wee hours trying to put together an outline for (a conference which I didn't get the email about because I've only been on the computer looking for things to do for the last 8 hours, but heard from the classmate who turned in her assignment when I did)
8:55 am -- walk into Crim Law where zombies and over-caffinate hyper spazs seem to have taken over my classmates, spend next five minutes talking about how little sleep we all got and how none of us feel prepared to do anything that day
9:00 am -- proceed to learn from a man who is considered to be one of the smartest professors at the Law School who has also teaches philosophy as a guest professor on occassion. He tries to teach me criminal law. I try to avoid looking stupid on a regular basis by taking copious notes which don't tell me anything because it is a truly socratic class that leads to the conclusion that there really is no answer.
10:08am -- class ends head to 10:30 classroom to do the reading that I didn't get to last night.
10:30am -- Civil Procedure class begins. I am still trying to finish the reading while taking notes. The professor that I have for this class is considered a leading scholar in California Civil Procedure, and has written the only available casebook on the subject. Fortunately, this is just general civil procedure and he his a great teacher. I take notes that make sense and get through the reading far enough to almost participate in class. I do not get called on because I volunteered so much last semester that this semester we are "letting someone else have a chance" -- yes I am that girl.
11:45 am -- Professor finishes class 5 minutes early woohoo! So, I head to the car to switch books then to the deli to buy lunch
11:55 am -- pull out the reading for Constitutional law which is swimming with words that I cannot read like "this" and "is" while I eat my sanwich which says it has mustard on but I can't taste it which is frustrating because I like mustard
12:05 pm -- classmate joins me stating that I will not be doing the reading anymore because she wishes to distract me. I agree to the plan and we plot the demise of a particular classmate who drives all other students and most professors up the frickin wall. Much joy is shared.
12:30 pm -- part ways with classmate as she goes to switch her books and I go to put my coffee cup in the car which I meant to do before when I switched my books out
12:35 pm -- arrive in classroom for Constitutional Law to do more reading. Get through about two pages when classmates start arriving and we begin to talk. Discussion turns to the fact that no one can participate in the class because they don't know what's going on and don't think doing the reading is important. I become further convinced that someday I will be the only one there for class in my area of the classroom.
1:05 pm -- Australian professor (who is teching American Constitutional law without having gone to a US law school) starts class late because he is always late, even though he comes into the room on time he leaves and then comes back late
1:20 pm -- realize that even though I am about 50 pages behind in the reading, I will be fine because well, so's the class. Besides there are about 10 of us who participate in class, including me, and he never picks on you when you're wrong
2:50 pm -- class is done for the day. Determine that I am exhausted and will not continue on studying at the library today, I will go home. Discuss with classmates about going out on Saturday by inviting myself to classmate's birthday party. Make it better by offering to take her to Costco to pick up party supplies.
3:05 pm -- decide that I need to buy a new highlighter and other stuff so head to Costco to do it (a five minute drive from school). Decide that Costco is awesome, but it's a good thing if I don't got more than once a month as I buy too much stuff because I'm at costco. Bought many things that I will need in the future, but don't need today. Cannot buy forty day supply of Claritin-D because it's illegal to sell that many boxes as once by state law, settle for the allowed 20 day supply and realize that it's great for business because you have to come back more often. Also, if I was going to make meth out of it, do you think I would also buy two button downshirts and organic lettuce and not some other product used in making meth at the same time? (In OR, they take a record behind the pharmacy counter of your name and license because the state requires that it get tracked. They sell 30 day supplies there.)
4:25 pm -- arrive home (Costco is about a five minute drive from my house), take three trips from car to 2nd floor apartment because I just went to Costco. Take trash out (twice) as I return to car
4:40 pm -- determine that since Costco did not have highlighters and I like to go to places that aren't school I will go to Office Depot. Spend a crap ton of time trying to figure out what type of highlighter to buy because none of them are labeled with markings like "will not bleed through the page making it appear that the other side is highlighted" except one which I bought the last time which was more like a glue stick (without the glue attributes) than a highlighter. More accurately it was like a tube of lipstick, simply applies color on top of the page by placing some sort of solid colorant stuff on it. After that, I realized I needed more notebooks in which notes would be taken. Wander around Office Depot (pronounced as though it rhymes with the kitchen item) looking for legal pads that aren't legal size (couldn't find them in either size) and end up finding a travel USB drive that is on wicked good sale with much storage space. Get the clerk to open the case and procure me the last one with the rebate. Ask the clerk where legal pads are ("oh, you mean the ones that tear from the top" ???) and get directions to the one aisle I didn't go to because I didn't realize there was anything there. Pick-up a bunch of the office depot brand which are on clearance (24 pads w/ 50 pages...that should get me through March). Pay and leave.
5:45pm -- return home hoping that new highlighters won't bleed through paper.
6:00pm -- apartment is too quiet and turn on tv with my property book out to catch up on reading and do reading for tomorrow (highlighter does not bleed, minor moral victory for the day accomplished)
8:00 pm -- with book still out and tv still on, try to read but have gotten about two pages into the reading
8:30 pm -- bake a potato in the microwave. Decided that precooked chicken strips that say not to use after 2/2/06 should still be used because they only look weird because the carmel coloring is bleeding out (or at least that what I've told myself).
10:00pm -- having turned the page once and watch a throughly facinating CSI episode (it gets better sometimes when it sort of relates to law school stuff, which the rerun did in an odd, baby selling sort of way) decide to call the boyfriend to chat for a while
10:03 pm -- boyfriend is currently boarding a plane to go to Vegas and spend the entire time drunk. I get short lecture on not drinking and driving on Saturday. Made mental note that he needs to piss off. Share my moral victory which does not seem to impress him so decide he should get on the plane and I will seriously do my reading now.
10:10 pm -- try to read, turn tv back on get through about 4 pages
11:30 pm -- I realize Letterman is on which makes it late, decide to wait til top 10 is read. Am pleased with the number of "Cheney was drunk and shot somebody jokes"
12:15 am -- decide that I must sleep now will do the property reading later and go to bed
That is why no one ever hears from me. It's all minesweepers fault.
Chicken must thaw faster...
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Sleep is for the dead
So, I have finally adjusted to the 4 hour of sleep average. It makes me a very weird person. Sometimes I have a 30 second fuse and sometimes I just make ridiculous statements. Not that anyone can tell the difference between a well-slept and tired me, they think I'm weird all the time. Someday, however, my body will simply shutdown and stop letting me only get a few hours of sleep. Hopefully it won't be in the middle of finals.
I have discovered that I expend a lot more energy on school then most of my classmates. I just don't understand how some of them can spend so little time and why I spend so much. Some of it comes from the compulsion to play computer games while I should be typing stuff up, but some of it is out of a geuine need to be able to get into deeper meanings of stuff. Still, I am not sure that they pay off is worth it.
I just got my grades a few weeks ago. While they are nothing to sneeze at, I am still not 100% sure they are equalivalent to the level of effort put in. Unfortunately, law school reminds you on a regular basis that for the first few years, you are your grades to employers. So, trying to find a job this summer is less fun that I would like to admit. I don't think that my grades will bar me from getting a job, it's just that 1Ls are less likely to be hired to start with and then grades make a huge difference after that. So I start stressing about that, which leads me to stress about everything else. Which then leads to me staying up too late studying and questioning if it's at all worth the future heart problems.
I am playing softball again this season. I still can't throw because my shoulder is not ready for it, but I am playing first base which is great. My hitting is crap. Stupid third baseman keeps playing his position so I hit it to him. It is good stres relief. This weekend I am going to try being social and go to a beach party! I am going to the beach! I have lived on the coast since August and I have yet to go to the beach. How dumb is that? Well, today it shall be remedied. Hopefully, the sewage spill I heard about yesterday is not where the party is planned. Lets here it for me not getting sand in my beer!
Oh, and I was named employee of the month at the library. How ridiculous is that?
I have discovered that I expend a lot more energy on school then most of my classmates. I just don't understand how some of them can spend so little time and why I spend so much. Some of it comes from the compulsion to play computer games while I should be typing stuff up, but some of it is out of a geuine need to be able to get into deeper meanings of stuff. Still, I am not sure that they pay off is worth it.
I just got my grades a few weeks ago. While they are nothing to sneeze at, I am still not 100% sure they are equalivalent to the level of effort put in. Unfortunately, law school reminds you on a regular basis that for the first few years, you are your grades to employers. So, trying to find a job this summer is less fun that I would like to admit. I don't think that my grades will bar me from getting a job, it's just that 1Ls are less likely to be hired to start with and then grades make a huge difference after that. So I start stressing about that, which leads me to stress about everything else. Which then leads to me staying up too late studying and questioning if it's at all worth the future heart problems.
I am playing softball again this season. I still can't throw because my shoulder is not ready for it, but I am playing first base which is great. My hitting is crap. Stupid third baseman keeps playing his position so I hit it to him. It is good stres relief. This weekend I am going to try being social and go to a beach party! I am going to the beach! I have lived on the coast since August and I have yet to go to the beach. How dumb is that? Well, today it shall be remedied. Hopefully, the sewage spill I heard about yesterday is not where the party is planned. Lets here it for me not getting sand in my beer!
Oh, and I was named employee of the month at the library. How ridiculous is that?
Monday, January 30, 2006
I don't know why
but my gmail thought this was the most appropriate link to give me while I was checking my email.
http://ask.yahoo.com/20060130.html
I hope you have all learned a valuable lesson.
http://ask.yahoo.com/20060130.html
I hope you have all learned a valuable lesson.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Things I've learned...
Not related to school (per se).
In the last few months, I have learned a lot by moving away from what I'd known for so long to be home. The most important of which is...wait, I don't want to rank them.
First, I have learned, or more accurately come to more fully realize the extend to which, I am a know it all. I can justify it by saying that I only tell everyone what I know because I want everyone else to have equal access to the information. Sometimes I am wrong too. Still it doesn't really matter when what everyone else hears is me trying to be smarter/better then them or even worse when they think I am a kiss ass because of it.
Second, I am constantly afraid of being judged and not liked. This semester we had to pick partners for our major project in Lawyering Skills class. I was afraid that no one would want to work with me because nobody likes me. This is silly and irrational, but so am I some times. I have always held the hidden fear that people simply tolerate me because I hang around and sometimes have helpful things to say but if they had their druthers they wouldn't really hang out with me. However, I also realize that this isn't true because I have great friends from all parts of my life that insist on trying to keep in touch with me despite the fact that I never write them email or call them back.
Third, I work really hard and earn the praise and grades that I get so I shouldn't be ashamed of them. I just informed two of my classmates that I am at school studying for about 12 hours a day on average (literally I told them about five minutes ago) and I got looks of "are you crazy." But, this is my work ethos. I don't have nearly enough fun here, but I know when I leave I will have taken something away from this experience that is that much more ingrained. Fun is for later or earlier in actuality. So, when I get recognition for making those efforts I shouldn't be ashamed of the public nature of it. Even if it feeds into the first to problems that I have noticed about myself.
Finally, I can find a way to adjust and meet new people if I am forced. I still need to do a lot of work to get to the point where I am truly open to people and not guarded so high when I first meet them. But, I can, when in the situation where it is required of me, talk to people, make them laugh, find out valuable pieces of information so as to blackmail them, umm wait, scratch that last part...Anyway, the point is, I am not a socially inept as I think I am. I just have some things to tone down and other things to get over. But, who doesn't have things to get over.
In the last few months, I have learned a lot by moving away from what I'd known for so long to be home. The most important of which is...wait, I don't want to rank them.
First, I have learned, or more accurately come to more fully realize the extend to which, I am a know it all. I can justify it by saying that I only tell everyone what I know because I want everyone else to have equal access to the information. Sometimes I am wrong too. Still it doesn't really matter when what everyone else hears is me trying to be smarter/better then them or even worse when they think I am a kiss ass because of it.
Second, I am constantly afraid of being judged and not liked. This semester we had to pick partners for our major project in Lawyering Skills class. I was afraid that no one would want to work with me because nobody likes me. This is silly and irrational, but so am I some times. I have always held the hidden fear that people simply tolerate me because I hang around and sometimes have helpful things to say but if they had their druthers they wouldn't really hang out with me. However, I also realize that this isn't true because I have great friends from all parts of my life that insist on trying to keep in touch with me despite the fact that I never write them email or call them back.
Third, I work really hard and earn the praise and grades that I get so I shouldn't be ashamed of them. I just informed two of my classmates that I am at school studying for about 12 hours a day on average (literally I told them about five minutes ago) and I got looks of "are you crazy." But, this is my work ethos. I don't have nearly enough fun here, but I know when I leave I will have taken something away from this experience that is that much more ingrained. Fun is for later or earlier in actuality. So, when I get recognition for making those efforts I shouldn't be ashamed of the public nature of it. Even if it feeds into the first to problems that I have noticed about myself.
Finally, I can find a way to adjust and meet new people if I am forced. I still need to do a lot of work to get to the point where I am truly open to people and not guarded so high when I first meet them. But, I can, when in the situation where it is required of me, talk to people, make them laugh, find out valuable pieces of information so as to blackmail them, umm wait, scratch that last part...Anyway, the point is, I am not a socially inept as I think I am. I just have some things to tone down and other things to get over. But, who doesn't have things to get over.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
School will kill me
So, last semester it took a few weeks to begin to feel the overwhelmingness of school. This week it took a total of one class. And, it was the second semester of a class I had last semester. That, I would add, it not a good sign. I realized that I did nothing over break that will help me. I realized that I was not in school mode yet and therefore did a craptastic job of my reading assignment. I realized that the courses I am taking should all be my favorites becasue they all feed into the areas of the law that interest me the most. And I realized that I need to find a job for the summer. All of this is, well, overwhelming.
I either need to find a paying job for the summer or go to school and take out extra loans or move back in with my parents. Ummm, yeah, that's not bleak. Plus I have a lot of paper-(which I just tried to spell payper...what does that say) work to get done to get the rest of my life in order.
I don't know if I can live with my parents for three months, but they are great people who will probably leave me alone. So, it's not the worst possible solution. It just feels weird to be contemplating moving back in for the summer since I haven't done that in about 7 years. Part of me considers that a form of failure. Which the rest of me realizes is a stupid way of looking at it because it is part of the whole "school" thing.
So, I need to figure out a lot of things, most of which involve figuring out what I want to be when I grow up which I haven't been able to do this far in life. This makes me sad. Especially since I sometimes think I want to be a dancer (or something equally rediculous but we're using it for illustrative purposes). This is ridiculous because I do not have the drive, stamina, or, of slightly more importance, skill to do anything in the dance world. It would be a hilarious TV show on MTV, but not a good real world solution to my dilema. sigh...
Oh, and the constitutional law book is rediculously heavy. I need back support.
I either need to find a paying job for the summer or go to school and take out extra loans or move back in with my parents. Ummm, yeah, that's not bleak. Plus I have a lot of paper-(which I just tried to spell payper...what does that say) work to get done to get the rest of my life in order.
I don't know if I can live with my parents for three months, but they are great people who will probably leave me alone. So, it's not the worst possible solution. It just feels weird to be contemplating moving back in for the summer since I haven't done that in about 7 years. Part of me considers that a form of failure. Which the rest of me realizes is a stupid way of looking at it because it is part of the whole "school" thing.
So, I need to figure out a lot of things, most of which involve figuring out what I want to be when I grow up which I haven't been able to do this far in life. This makes me sad. Especially since I sometimes think I want to be a dancer (or something equally rediculous but we're using it for illustrative purposes). This is ridiculous because I do not have the drive, stamina, or, of slightly more importance, skill to do anything in the dance world. It would be a hilarious TV show on MTV, but not a good real world solution to my dilema. sigh...
Oh, and the constitutional law book is rediculously heavy. I need back support.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Consistent blah
I don't know what it is about the city of Vegas, but it is consistently the most overrated place that I look forward to going to. I always think that it's going to be great, and it is often not bad but not great. I guess it's that I don't gamble so that's not that exciting, I don't really like buffets which is the only place you can eat half of the day, and I can't drink enough to justify spending $10 for a drink (it's easier when you're too drunk to care how much you're spending). And I'm almost always broke, so it's not the greatest time.
However, in the summer it is warm and the pool is free (once you've paid for the room). Also, when you go to bars and there are bands for free it's cool. Hanging out with friends in a different setting can be fun, too. If the shows weren't so expensive they'd be entertaining, I assume.
Getting drugged in a bar when someone slips something into your drink is not fun.
Spotting the hooker can be entertaining, but sometimes too easy (ha ha, it's like a pun but not).
Thus it is a consistent blah to go to Vegas. Perhaps I need more to drink next time.
That summarizes my New Years weekend with out the play by play for the vomitting (ahh, there's an image).
TV's Craig Ferguson is hilarious. He should be on earlier because soon I will have to be in bed when he is on because classes start back up in a few days (just over a week). I don't know how I'll do, but I don't even know how I did last semester so I will not worry until May when I take finals again. Or, if needs be, in February when I get my grades back.
It will also be a test of if I can get everything done and keep up with this blog. Not that I've told anyone about it to disappoint them...
I must sleep so that I might awake and accomplish something. Stupid stuff needing to be done.
However, in the summer it is warm and the pool is free (once you've paid for the room). Also, when you go to bars and there are bands for free it's cool. Hanging out with friends in a different setting can be fun, too. If the shows weren't so expensive they'd be entertaining, I assume.
Getting drugged in a bar when someone slips something into your drink is not fun.
Spotting the hooker can be entertaining, but sometimes too easy (ha ha, it's like a pun but not).
Thus it is a consistent blah to go to Vegas. Perhaps I need more to drink next time.
That summarizes my New Years weekend with out the play by play for the vomitting (ahh, there's an image).
TV's Craig Ferguson is hilarious. He should be on earlier because soon I will have to be in bed when he is on because classes start back up in a few days (just over a week). I don't know how I'll do, but I don't even know how I did last semester so I will not worry until May when I take finals again. Or, if needs be, in February when I get my grades back.
It will also be a test of if I can get everything done and keep up with this blog. Not that I've told anyone about it to disappoint them...
I must sleep so that I might awake and accomplish something. Stupid stuff needing to be done.
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