I don't know why

but my gmail thought this was the most appropriate link to give me while I was checking my email.

http://ask.yahoo.com/20060130.html

I hope you have all learned a valuable lesson.

Things I've learned...

Not related to school (per se).

In the last few months, I have learned a lot by moving away from what I'd known for so long to be home. The most important of which is...wait, I don't want to rank them.

First, I have learned, or more accurately come to more fully realize the extend to which, I am a know it all. I can justify it by saying that I only tell everyone what I know because I want everyone else to have equal access to the information. Sometimes I am wrong too. Still it doesn't really matter when what everyone else hears is me trying to be smarter/better then them or even worse when they think I am a kiss ass because of it.

Second, I am constantly afraid of being judged and not liked. This semester we had to pick partners for our major project in Lawyering Skills class. I was afraid that no one would want to work with me because nobody likes me. This is silly and irrational, but so am I some times. I have always held the hidden fear that people simply tolerate me because I hang around and sometimes have helpful things to say but if they had their druthers they wouldn't really hang out with me. However, I also realize that this isn't true because I have great friends from all parts of my life that insist on trying to keep in touch with me despite the fact that I never write them email or call them back.

Third, I work really hard and earn the praise and grades that I get so I shouldn't be ashamed of them. I just informed two of my classmates that I am at school studying for about 12 hours a day on average (literally I told them about five minutes ago) and I got looks of "are you crazy." But, this is my work ethos. I don't have nearly enough fun here, but I know when I leave I will have taken something away from this experience that is that much more ingrained. Fun is for later or earlier in actuality. So, when I get recognition for making those efforts I shouldn't be ashamed of the public nature of it. Even if it feeds into the first to problems that I have noticed about myself.

Finally, I can find a way to adjust and meet new people if I am forced. I still need to do a lot of work to get to the point where I am truly open to people and not guarded so high when I first meet them. But, I can, when in the situation where it is required of me, talk to people, make them laugh, find out valuable pieces of information so as to blackmail them, umm wait, scratch that last part...Anyway, the point is, I am not a socially inept as I think I am. I just have some things to tone down and other things to get over. But, who doesn't have things to get over.

School will kill me

So, last semester it took a few weeks to begin to feel the overwhelmingness of school. This week it took a total of one class. And, it was the second semester of a class I had last semester. That, I would add, it not a good sign. I realized that I did nothing over break that will help me. I realized that I was not in school mode yet and therefore did a craptastic job of my reading assignment. I realized that the courses I am taking should all be my favorites becasue they all feed into the areas of the law that interest me the most. And I realized that I need to find a job for the summer. All of this is, well, overwhelming.

I either need to find a paying job for the summer or go to school and take out extra loans or move back in with my parents. Ummm, yeah, that's not bleak. Plus I have a lot of paper-(which I just tried to spell payper...what does that say) work to get done to get the rest of my life in order.

I don't know if I can live with my parents for three months, but they are great people who will probably leave me alone. So, it's not the worst possible solution. It just feels weird to be contemplating moving back in for the summer since I haven't done that in about 7 years. Part of me considers that a form of failure. Which the rest of me realizes is a stupid way of looking at it because it is part of the whole "school" thing.

So, I need to figure out a lot of things, most of which involve figuring out what I want to be when I grow up which I haven't been able to do this far in life. This makes me sad. Especially since I sometimes think I want to be a dancer (or something equally rediculous but we're using it for illustrative purposes). This is ridiculous because I do not have the drive, stamina, or, of slightly more importance, skill to do anything in the dance world. It would be a hilarious TV show on MTV, but not a good real world solution to my dilema. sigh...

Oh, and the constitutional law book is rediculously heavy. I need back support.

Consistent blah

I don't know what it is about the city of Vegas, but it is consistently the most overrated place that I look forward to going to. I always think that it's going to be great, and it is often not bad but not great. I guess it's that I don't gamble so that's not that exciting, I don't really like buffets which is the only place you can eat half of the day, and I can't drink enough to justify spending $10 for a drink (it's easier when you're too drunk to care how much you're spending). And I'm almost always broke, so it's not the greatest time.

However, in the summer it is warm and the pool is free (once you've paid for the room). Also, when you go to bars and there are bands for free it's cool. Hanging out with friends in a different setting can be fun, too. If the shows weren't so expensive they'd be entertaining, I assume.

Getting drugged in a bar when someone slips something into your drink is not fun.

Spotting the hooker can be entertaining, but sometimes too easy (ha ha, it's like a pun but not).

Thus it is a consistent blah to go to Vegas. Perhaps I need more to drink next time.

That summarizes my New Years weekend with out the play by play for the vomitting (ahh, there's an image).

TV's Craig Ferguson is hilarious. He should be on earlier because soon I will have to be in bed when he is on because classes start back up in a few days (just over a week). I don't know how I'll do, but I don't even know how I did last semester so I will not worry until May when I take finals again. Or, if needs be, in February when I get my grades back.

It will also be a test of if I can get everything done and keep up with this blog. Not that I've told anyone about it to disappoint them...

I must sleep so that I might awake and accomplish something. Stupid stuff needing to be done.