There used to be more to me then planning a wedding and going to work

So, this weekend was spent doing my taxes, working, hanging out with the boy's family (that's a whole post of ranting I'd rather not be a part of), and talking about the wedding with said family. I know that there was a time when I had interesting things to say about the state of the world, politics, sports, neighborhood bars, etc., but now I've become a sad sack of boring, limited to only one or two topics, neither of which are truly interesting to me. I apologize for that and will work on becoming more dynamic again, but only after I sign a contract with a florist and design my invitations...

On a work related note, I went out to "happy hour" on Thursday with a team of lawyers who have been spending an obscene number of hours on one case together. There were four men and two women, and that's when it hit me hard just how much of a boys club I'm hanging out it. I actually left the table at one point because of the way they were "flirting" with the waitress. It's was very uncomfortable for me, especially given that the primary instigator was not only the oldest member of our group, he is also my "mentor" and has two young kids at home. It was only made worse by the fact that the waitress did not get it. She was so oblivious to the lies and teasing and it made me sad for her.

Also, it was brought to my attention that 1) I am not cool and 2) my tolerance needs work if I am to be a successful networker. I was more directly shown 1 then 2 in that I don't go to any of the places that the other had ALL been to. This is a) because I don't travel out of my comfort zone as often as I could; b) because I don't believe in going to clubs and paying obscene amounts of money for sh*tty drinks; and c) because I don't believe that I should put on clothes that cost as much as my work clothes to go out. I wear jeans and flip-flops and go to places where the people are fun to watch and the servers know how to spot both a line and a way to mock the line giver. Call me what you will, I just like the snappy come-back of a girl who is clearly being hit on by skeevy old men. It brings me my bliss, and that should be enough.

Never mind that I didn't get home until after 1:00 am on a work night, can't recover from 6 glasses of wine like I used to, and had to be functional the next day. That did not make for a pleasant Friday. I am really glad that the boy is understanding and willing to drive up to where we were, leave his car about 20 minutes drive from our house and drive my sorry butt and my car back home so that I could get to work with my stuff the next day. He is very good to me. Also, he is willing to listen to drunken ranting and answer the same question 100 times in a 30 minute drive.

By the way, this blogging thing has been added to the mental list of things I shouldn't do, but do anyway, while at work. Facebook is on that list too...

Assess is not the same word as asses, no matter how fast you read it.

I caved, and I was still right

Okay, so the three of you that still read this know that I caved to the peer pressure and signed up for facebook. It came from over a week's worth of conversations that all eventually turned back to something about facebook. It may have been an unconscious thing on my part, but really it was getting to me. So, I took the plunged, but largely because one person noted that there were some hilarious pictures of someone else and a goat. This, I must say, clinched it.

However, since signing up, I've noticed that I was right about a lot of things. 1) I don't keep up with it as much as other people do. Nor do I have any idea what to post on my page. Besides my profile picture, which has lead to a lot of wtf-esq comments, I have yet to post anything worthy of the five minutes it takes to get it up there. Also, I have limited pictures of myself as I don't believe in cameras in general. When I do have a camera, I take photos of others. When someone else has a camera, I hide. Therefore, I have no interesting photo albums to upload. Also, I don't do anything so why post anything about that... 2) um, I don't know a lot of the people well who are asking for friend requests. Seriously, most of my high school seems to be on facebook and I don't remember most of them in any real way. And there were only 65 people in my graduating class. I don't care what most of them are up to, or I would make it a point to keep track/e-mail/go to reunions with them. Some of them aren't even from my class year and want to be on my friends list. I don't even remember them AT ALL. Why on earth do they want to add me as I don't recall ever conversing in a meaningful way with any of them. Is this our latest version of competition, since most of us are no longer physically active in the United States? Ha, I have 300 friends on facebook and you only have 250?

What I do like about it is how many parents of young peoples have their entire photo section dedicated to pictures of their kids. This is awesome as I don't every get to see this little people in the real world, so at least I can get to know them virtually.

Other things of importance in my life: this whole wedding thing is getting to be a pretty solid picture. It is strange how the boy is so helpful about some things, but getting him to ask his grooms people is like asking him to set him self on fire. He keeps putting it off. Most of them are "typical" males, so it's not like there will be some long sentimental conversation that goes along with this question. Most will just be happy that he's asking them as they all appear to like me so don't disapprove of his decision to marry me. I understand the issues about choosing between friends, but for those that he knows he wants, what's the hold up?

Also, we have decided to purchase "starter" wedding bands. This is in part to reduce costs but it's also because I have no idea what I want and will likely want something custom made which just takes a lot of decision making on my part. I am not very good at decision making when it comes to picking out a restaurant/bar, so why on earth would I want to design something that will cost a lot to make all because of an arbitrary deadline of my wedding date. So, we will be getting rings and they will likely be made of titanium. I find that really cool. I am hoping to have a black stripe in mine. However, the problem I've encountered is that all metal bands are considered "male" only, therefore are all very wide, and "females" rings are expensive jewel encrusted bands according to the jewelry trade. This is wrong as I am not a diamond band type of girl. I put my hands into softball gloves. I don't want to remove my ring and thereby increase the chance of loosing a stone or the whole thing because of my lifestyle. So, that's more complication than I need. Also, I have the tiniest finger size so I'm trying to avoid a giant width of ring. But seriously, titanium seems like a cool thing.

Work is kicking my ass. I'm now regularly here from 8:30 - 8:00 pm. It good in that I still have job, but I'm tired all the time and am stressed out, which effects my relationship in a not as healthy as I personally am looking for. I have noticed that I get super annoyed quickly and without a real justification. However, the boy notices and asks why, but I'm not so open about it because I know that I'm just stressed out and tired.

Still, it'd be nice if he did the darn dishes everyone in a while...or, more accurately, if he would just do something around the house without me having to repeatedly ask for him to do it and then start doing it myself because it has gotten to be too long and then he asks if he can help. I just cannot win the outlasting game as I desire not to live in complete filth in order to win what I see as a battle of wills and what he sees as not a problem. Oh, and I've talked about this with him before and I have come to the conclusion that he will never get this. EVER. Still, I want to marry him, but apparently I just needed to vent in cyberspace.

Would it be inappropriate to quote The Princess Bride on my wedding invitations?

So much pressure...

Okay, so I know it's not cool to have this attitude, but I don't want to join facebook. Is that a crime? The boy has pointed out that most of my friends have facebook pages (so does he) and so do a large portion of my family. He also reminds me it's a way of keeping track of people who I haven't seen. I have been officially invited (i.e. by people who have facebook pages through their facebook accounts) to join no less than four times. However, I don't want to be a part of it.

I know that it probably would be good to join because of the ability to keep up with others, but considering how often I don't update this blog, what would be the possibility to keep better track of me. It would be one more obligation that I would have to keep and would fail to do so. Why do I need that right now? I barely e-mail people back and I certainly never remember to e-mail others spontaneously without a specific purpose/mass e-mail intent.

Plus, I know employers, clients, and the like would check on me. No matter how tasteful and appropriate my site would be, there would likely be some concern flagged somewhere. Even if I did mark it as private, some how I just don't trust the system.

What's the upside for me to start now? The last time I join one of these sites, no one used it after that (e.g. AOL IM; Friendster). As soon as I start a site, people will have moved on to the next cool way to make me feel inadequate in the area of keeping up my contact with others. Many of them have jumped to add twitter, which just seems like it would be boring for me to add: at work; at home watching TV; asleep. There you have the options, figure it out for yourself.

Until such time as I have been convinced that it is worth my investment of time (or my mom decides to join because it's that ubiquitous), I shall remain facebook profile free.

Stupid peer pressure...

In other news, I have spent more time at the dentist/orthodontist in the last three months then I have spent at the gym. Today, the trip to the ortho cost me at $30 parking ticket because they cannot properly estimate how long there appointments will take. I should know this by now, but I did feed the meter for an extra 20 minutes. To bad that I needed an extra 40 minutes (doubling the estimated appointment time). I'm sort of hella pissed about it too. Especially since they called and asked me to come in early but then I sat in the chair by myself until my original appointment time anyway. ARG! In addition, I have never had a ticket in my life, including parking tickets (excluding Grinnell College parking tickets, of which I had 1). From my four visits to the orthodontist, I've gotten two tickets out of the deal. One for a bad brake light (in the boy's car no less) and one for parking. BASTARDS!

I think that topic is getting me all worked up, and seeing as how I'm supposed to be working right now, I think I will stop my ranting.

I should be exploring the library's catalogue for something more interesting to read then The Knot's Guide to Weddings. Later!

What the Frick!

There is a snow day in parts of San Diego County! Not where I live because here it is too close to the ocean to snow, but within my horizonal view, there is snow in the mountains and the schools are closed because of the snow.

Oh, and I think the high for Ohio was warmer then the high for here today.

What's up with that.

So, how's the new year plans going

Well, clearly the "more blogging" part isn't going so good.  I have been a little more organized about stuff, but even my subconscious is concerned.  I had a dream last night that nothing was finished when it was time for the wedding, and I didn't realize it until stuff wasn't right.  So, that was more than unsettling way to wake up, repeatedly.  

So, my question, if anyone still reads this, is if there is a magical way in which to figure out which photographer to choose (besides by price)?  I have met with two, and will meet with one more tomorrow, but I like some things about one and other things about the other.  If they were combined into one person I think that I would totally hire that person.  But, unfortunately such things are not yet possible, but I want this taken care of prior to the end of the month because the photos mean a lot to me.

Also, why is the dyson vacuum guy so compelling?  I wish to own a vacuum made my him...wow that's good mind bending...

Honey, I'm home

Things I have managed to accomplish by not blogging

1.  Watching more TV

2. Working from home every night and on the weekends

3. Last minute Christmas shopping for more people than ever

4. Procrastinating until it cost a ridiculous amount of money to mail out said presents

5. Think about planning my wedding

6. Making a decision about said wedding's location and date

7. Clean the apartment - twice

8. Avoid any answering of wedding questions

9. Spend a lot of time with the boy's family over the holiday (and learning about the 85 different types of cholesterol medication because after me and the boy the next youngest family member was 62, seriously)

10. Hear from everyone talk about how cute, adorable, sweet, angelic and all-round entertaining my niece is

11. Go to my dad's inaugural ball/fund raiser for the arts and kids where everyone asked if I was the mother of previously mentioned angel child (my reply "No, I'm the other one")

12. Have the holidays quietly hurt because my mom's dad passed away two days before Christmas and I procrastinated so long that I did not send him my annual letter in which I would have told him I was getting married

Things I have not accomplished by not blogging

1. E-mailing people individually to say hello

2. Remember to call my family on a regular basis

3. Getting my Holiday cards out before new years

4. Enjoy the outdoors

5. Go to the gym

6. Sleep more

7. Get organized

8. Balance my checkbook

9. Cook more

10. Maintain a sense of balance between my work and my life

Things I plan to do in the new year (not resolutions, but expectations)

1. Blog more

2. Get organized

3. Read more fiction

4. Plan and get through my wedding

5. Go to the gym regularly, not regularly sporadically

6. Balance work with life

7. Visit my family

8. Reduce the procrastination

9. Spend less, give more

10. Use each month to teach myself to keep up with something that I consistently get behind in

11. Remain inspired to try to find something new to learn where ever and when ever I can

So, there you have it.  Two months in a nut shell...or at least in an sketchy outline.

How many lists is too many?

An interesting take on why Prop 8 failed

I have read a lot about sex differences and what constitutes a gendered based bias, but I never thought about how it affects the gay-rights movement in a way outside of flat antigay bias. This article is therefore very interesting. Now if only it relate to the work I'm supposed to be doing...

Can you find me...

So, I voted today. It was the first time that I voted at a voting booth. In Oregon, where I have voted since I was 18 (in almost every single election, I proudly add), the voting is all done by mail, so I have never been allowed to vote in a booth. Today, was only slightly not the same. My polling station was in some one's backyard. Seriously, that was weird. And only slightly more disappointing was that my "booth" was merely a cardboard stand with sort of tall partitioning wall which didn't even reach my eye height. Then I handed my ballot in a "privacy sleeve" (read as piece of white cardboard folded in half so as to cover the ballot) to a guy who then dropped it into a big cardboard box. So, that feels secure...

I have not watched news in three hours, mostly because I'm afraid that if I watch it will end up like the last two presidential elections. I just don't think that there's enough wine in the world to make that okay. Instead I'm watching VHS tapes of shows that I'm behind on. Yes I wrote VHS. We watch so many conflicting shows that we have to use the VCR to record a third channel, since the DVR can't record three channels at once. That's ridiculous, but there are other times when we don't record anything because there is a lot of bad TV that we don't watch. So, I'm getting caught up on my Biggest Loser fix in which I'm thinking I really I should be at the gym, not sitting on my couch.

Here's something amusing for you:

This is a clipped version of a larger wall of camouflage but I did not get permission from the other person in the picture (who isn't camouflaged in the picture) to put his image up. That picture is much funnier because he's "looking for me."

Why do some automatic toilets never automatically flush and why do others flush while you're still on them?

Not anything about Europe

Okay, so I'm bad at this "blogging" thing. I understand that, but it's sort of ridiculous that I can't even post about things that are current because I'm spending all the few blogs that I do write on old trips.

So, here's some semi-recent news. I'm engaged (and have been for almost two months). So, I have been not planning my wedding because it's a big and expense task. Mostly because I'm apparently more traditional and snobby than I thought. Also because San Diego isn't cheap, no matter what you do.

I'm working now. I have no idea what I'm doing on a regular basis, but the people keep telling me that it's normal and okay thing. It should make me feel better, but it doesn't.

I also had to go on an orientation where I learned about communication and active listening. Then we had to go to fancy dinner with other new associates to the firm. Yeah, I'm glad I don't live in New York because a large number of those associates really irritated me because of how important they thought they were and how much better they thought they were. We work for the same firm, make the same pay, and started at the same time. You're not inherently better than me, so get over it.

I did get to see Laurie and her man, which was far superior. It's awesome to hear about what they're doing and how their lives are changing. Although, I seem to have stayed caught up because of the blogging. Live is always better, however.

That's pretty much it for now. I need to go to the grocery store now because I need food to eat.

And then...

So, the last two stops on my European trip were Barcelona and Madrid. Barcelona was one of my favorite stops. The hotel was on La Rambla, and I had a lot of time to do my own thing. So, I chose to walk from La Rambla to the Gaudi Park, which I estimated to be a 4 to 6 kilometer walk, in one direction. It was well worth it because it was a great way to see the city in both it's touristy and real life and buildings. Below are pictures of the touristy parts:





This is me at Gaudi Park. It sits at the top (or near the top anyway) of a hill that over looks Barcelona. The benches here are really famous, and you can only see a little of them. Behind me is the house that looks like the gumdrop house from Candyland, but my big old head is in the way. Then there is the rest of Barcelona and then the Mediterranean Sea, which is a giant port.


This is my favorite Gaudi building. It is a representation of St. George slaying the dragon (it's a dragon on his pile of bones, e.g. the skull balconies). The picture does not do the building justice. It also made me root for the dragon, but that's more about me than the building or the story.

This is the most famous of the Gaudi buildings, the Sagrada Familia. They've only been working on it for 120 years. I think they said it's about half done. The coolest part to me is that Gaudi determined the measurements of the building by hanging sandbags upside down on strings and then doing the conversions. It was a non-traditional method, to say the least. So much so that modern day architects were not sure if his measurements were correct, so they did the calculations using math (not sandbags) and Gaudi's measurements were exactly correct. Take that establishment! (Sorry, I'm trying balance the fact that I'm the man's lawyer and that I don't agree with the man on a lot of principles.)

The next stop was Madrid. This city got sold short because it was the last city on the trip, it was so hot, and it was the end of August -- meaning everything was closed. I was so tired of traveling and being with strangers (who weren't really strangers anymore). Also, almost all of the tour of the city was by bus, which doesn't feel organic so it's hard to get a good feel for the place. Also, I had to finish up the gift shopping which is only because I'm a big procrastinator. The awesomest part was visiting the Prado Museum with a local guide. She taught me a lot about the history of art and some truly amazing artists. My favorite was Goya but that's probably because he went through the most diverse periods and created new concepts on how art could express the world. Depression seems to change art in a profound way and it was coming through his depression that Goya created The Dog, which is the only poster I bought during my whole trip through art museums. Below are two of my pictures.

This statue is in front of the palace (yeah, I forget that Spain is a monarchy, too). The reason that it's cool is that it is the first statute where the horse is on its only standing on its back legs (the pose was taken from a portrait). The interesting part about this is that no one knew how they could get the statue to stand up. They had to have some Italian mathematicians do the math in order to figure out the geometry (they told me the name, which I recognized, but I can't remember who it was because it's been almost two months -- I think DaVinci, but that seems so obvious and therefore wrong, maybe Michelangelo). The picture is washed out because I don't know how to use my old school film based camera well enough. Most of my film pictures look like this (if they turned out at all -- stupid winding mechanism...).

This was the view of Madrid from my hotel room. It was the only room in the group on the 12th floor, so I had a phenomenal view, including the sunset. I did walk all around Madrid, mostly trying to find a tobacco shop so that I could buy the last few stamps I needed to mail out postcards to my family. That literally took five hours. I found stamps at a tobacco shop where the owner did not speak a bit of English (weird being in Spain and all) and I barely can say hello in Spanish. So a brief pantomime session later I got my stamps. Then I stopped at a pay phone to use up the last minutes on my phone card (because a phone at a five star hotel cannot accept a phone card !?!). After I hung up, having been cut off by using up all my time, I look down my shirt and saw that I had been pooped on by a bird. BASTARD BIRD! I had made it through the whole trip being warned about the probability of bird shite and I got pooped on on my last day!

So, that's my trip in short summary. I have forgotten a lot of details, but I have over a thousand pictures and a scrapbooking project to remind me. I will do another post or two about the road trip part, but you've now gotten a good taste of my trip. It was fun, interesting, exhausting, and a great way to introduce me to a couple of beautiful countries.

As for my first week at work, I'm strongly opposed to being awake for so long starting so early. I prefer the 10 am wake up. Also, my work clothes used to fit so much better. Stupid metabolism and fried chicken.

I am also officially a CA resident (new license and all) so I get to vote here now...but I also have to pay more attention to election news.

Now for October's post

I started another post while I was in MN, but since I was in charge of a baby, my computer time was limited. Then I was at my parent's house where my computer is not accepted by the network. Then I was home for two days and too lazy to do any updating, and then I was in VT for an intoxicating weekend. That's my excuse this time.

For those that have asked about the CA bar passage rate, the July 2007 passage rate for overall test takers was 56.1%, for first time takers it was 68.9%. For those who graduated from a CA ABA Approved school it was 75.9 %. So, that's where my confusion is based. There are tons more statistics out there, but that's why I'm nervous.

So, here's the next bit about my travels:

The next places I went were Florence and Monaco (staying in the area called Monte Carlo). Florence was an amazing city if you wanted to see art, even just walking through the streets it was amazing to look at the buildings and the art painted on the side of old buildings. They had a loggia full of statutes in the square where the David originally stood. I saw the David and I finally understand the appeal and renown. It’s just inspiring how realistic the statue was as far as depicting a fit young man. The biggest problem is that everything in Florence is copyright protected so you can only buy images, but you cannot take pictures of things. Stupid lawyers...

Here are some pictures from Florence:


This was the view from my hotel room. To the left, where the rest of the rooms were was the historic area, with the Basilica and Baptismal and Bell Tower. The bridge that looks like a building is where most of the jewelers in Florence are. It used to be where the butcher's had their shops, but the Duke decided that the blood, etc., that poured from the slaughtering into the river was not healthy and declared that only gold could sold from the bridge. It was right outside his windows, so I'm not surprised.

This is me in front of the Gates of Paradise, which are really the doors to the Baptismal which tell the bible stories in golden pictures. They are said to be called that because Michelangelo said that they were so pretty that they must be the gates of paradise when he first saw them. This is also where we had our first encounter with the gypsies. Not at all like what Disney portrays them as. It's much more sad.

This is a replica of the original David, sitting where the original David was for centuries until someone "cleaned" the statute so well that it removed the marble's natural protective coat, ensuring that it will calcify and crumble in time. Now the real David is in a museum and this replica sits in front of the Duke's original palace, near the Uffizi (translates "office") Building where a bunch of amazing art was hung for the Duke and is now a museum which I wandered around.

We then went to Monaco, staying in Monte Carlo. I bought stamps, because everything else cost too much.

Here are some pictures:

This is my feet in the Mediterranean Sea. Now, I've only got a few oceans and seas left that my feet should touch. Some of them, however, I don't think that I want to put my feet in. But that's a different post.

This is the world famous Casino in Monte Carlo, from the backside. It costs money to gamble for reals; the more the door fee, the higher the stakes at the table. I went into the video gambling section which both has no dress code and no cover charge. Therefore, all they got from me was five Euros. However, other people from the group dropped off more of their wealth there.

These pictures represents the "standard" modes of transportation in Monaco. The cars are an Astin Martin and a Ferrari. The boats are huge, and I didn't get the biggest boats into the picture. So, that's why I bought stamps. Oh, and a drink, too. Monaco has a Formula-One race which is the big thing there and they were getting ready for the F-1 to come to town. So, there was apparently a guy who would take you along the road track in a Ferrari for 35 Euro. I didn't do that either.

I would note that in my excellent trip retelling skills, I've missed some in-between stops, which also have interesting landmarks. I have decided that I will simply make the "on the road" portion of my story a separate entry.

I would also note that my picture uploading to blog skills leave something to be desired. This entry took at least an hour to format properly. That's absurd. Never mind the spelling mistakes and now the reposting because of too many typos.

I am currently off to yet another wedding, this one in San Francisco, and then I start off on my new career of being the Man on Monday. Ah the trepidation and fear.

"And now time for something completely different." ~ Monty Python Flying Circus

Where am I?

So, I'm currently visiting Minneapolis. I woke up three times in the middle of the night and had minor panic attacks because I had no idea of where I was. Here's why. In the last four weeks, I've been in 11 cities. I've spent no more that four nights in any one of those cities. Never mind the nights on the train, where even when I think about it, I wouldn't have the opportunity to beginning to figure out where the heck I am, other than, I'm not at any of the destinations I'm trying to reach.

For those of you in the Chicago region who begged me to visit them, I'm sorry but I clearly didn't make. There is a possibility that I will be in the area sometime soon, and I'll let you know if it's going to work out in a more personal way, but I wanted to give you a public shout out that I'm sorry I didn't see you and I suck because of it.

There is so much to update people about, so I'll start with this: Italy is full of old stuff. Really cool old stuff. I saw a lot of it, and I took a stupidly large number of pictures while there. Here are a few of them.






This is the front of the Pantheon, the oldest still standing building in Rome. It was only saved because they altered it into a Christian church, which is the decor it still has. All the old statutes which were for the Roman gods, were removed and likely turning into mortar for new buildings.

This is me in front of the famous Trevi Fountain. Go me.

These are some building in Venice. The one on the right is leaning because the foundation is made of petrified wood, as is all of Venice.

This is the Venetian graveyard. The people who founded Venice as a city of islands realized they needed to do something with the bodies, and they decided that they would just dedicate one island to burials. Now it is full and you must be a super important Venetian to be buried there.

So, that's a little update. Now I must e-mail people about working so that I can pay for this whole running around the world thing I've been doing.

Back to my old habits

Clearly, given my new found luxury time you would think that I'd at least update this blog more often, but some habits are old and hard to break. Procrastination is my old nemesis (just ask my parents) and therefore I put of to next week what I should be doing today. So, as per my habits, I am taking off for the European vacation on Sunday and I haven't packed, I have about fourteen errands to run, and I am not in my house right now.

I'm at the boy's parents' house. He's up here for work all week, so I thought I'd join him and sit in a vegetative state watching Olympics and reading. I've accomplished that along with developing a strong need to hide in corners and knots in my back. There is often a lot of tension here, and it's not unusual for the family to just sort of let it be that way, but for an outsider and potential in-law it is awkward and weird. More importantly, the boy's mom likes me a lot and talks to me about all of the behavior and some of the background, but it's in a conspiratorial and justifying sort of way. I better understand some of the dynamics but I see a lot of behaviors that I don't expect out of grown-ups. It doesn't help that my family doesn't openly deal with issues and the boy's family does (in a weird privately public sort of way). I don't really mean openly either because there's just a lot of bickering over really dumb things that sits on top of deeply rooted long term problems and "problem management" techniques which have clearly failed. Let's just say that in forty years from now, I truly hope that the boy and I don't have the same relationship his parents have and that our kids are different. I'm not saying I want it to be like my parent's house, but I certainly don't think that I have the genetic make-up to survive for forty years under this must tension and disappointment.

On a lighter note, I'm still working out my cross US trip. I'll probably get to Tucson, Chicago, DC, Minneapolis, and Portland. But, I really need to take care of the scheduling for all of that and see if some of my dear friends will let me crash with them after I get in at a train station at midnight-thirty. Also, I need to price it out because the "unlimited" rail pass is, in fact, not unlimited but only allows for four trips. As you can see, I'll need to make six. So I have to determine which ones I should do on a pass and which I should do out of pocket. Then I have to determine my schedule. It's a boat load of fun and I'm not that good at reading train schedules yet....

So, I'm gonna be gone for reals for about two weeks and then I'll be on the rails for about a month, followed by weekends spent at wedding and then I start to work and then I find out about the bar and then the Holidays. Hopefully, in the mean time I'll start updating here with regular postings about nothing and how it affects me.

I had a couple of good old fashion rants in my head, but I thought I'd start with a question:

How do they make sun-dried tomatoes? I mean, if I leave tomatoes in the sun, they just rot...

Done

Well, I've finished the bar. My brain is broken as far as reasoning skills. But I hopefully will never need to do this again.

Some highlights from the bar:

There was an earthquake toward the end of the first essay writing section. We all felt it, the lights shook. The reaction of the entire room was to look around to see if we weren't imagining it and then to keep typing.

The second day I went into a bathroom stall at lunch and saw a fully enclosed package of trail mix in the toilet, and all I thought was "that sure went through fast." I'm sure that someone had dropped it in the toilet, but really my brain is amused with itself.

The final day nothing really happened to write about except I finished. That's all that matters.

Now, I get to wait until November to find out if I passed. Woo hoo.


Now for getting back to my life, which I don't really know what that means because I've been in school for so long that I haven't had this much time to myself.

I'm gonna go see a movie today. It's called Batman. I'm very excited...

Much love for all the thoughts and love and support.

My niece is one and see has the looks of a troublemaker who is gonna get away with a lot :)

Frick the Bar and Everything Associated with it....

I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail,
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, FRICK THE BAR!!!!!
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail,
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I CANNOT LEARN THIS STUFF
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail,
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I HATE IT IN THE STUDY PLACE
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail . . .

You're now privy to the contents of my brain. You'll note, being the smart people you are, that nothing in there is actually going to help me, like the bits and pieces of the law that I'm supposed to know or be learning right now.

I am subjecting myself to this test on Tuesday through Thursday. I will either be dead or asleep after that. Therefore, if you don't hear from me in early August, you will know that I'm dead.

Much love and thanks for any positive mental energy you have spared for me this summer. One thought of goodness on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday would be noticed, I'm certain.


KISSES!

Well, now I'm just scared

I don't feel at all prepared for the bar and because of that, I'm too nervous to study effectively. Why is my body and my mind not working to solve this problem, and instead it's making everything worse. STUPID BRAIN, BE MORE SMART.


I just wanted to vent, and now back to not updating.

Procrastination and Nervous Breakdowns

Well. I am a month from the bar . . . awwwwwww freak out.

So, I create a slightly less stressed me, I have selected part of my "post-bar" trip. I am doing what a lot of other smart people did when they were young and unafraid and going to Europe. Since I am now old and fearful, I am using a tour group to "guide" me from place to place. I.e. I'm staying in decent hotels, which a strong likelihood of a private bathroom, I will have a guide nearby to ask questions about the cities I'm in, some of my meals are taken care of, and my luggage will be handled by someone in order to get me from place to place. I know, I know, I sold out and should have tried the whole Eurorail & hostel route. However, I'm alone on this trip and don't make friends easily. Also, I fit the horrible US citizen stereotype and only speak Americanized English. Lord help me, I'm sorry I just did not learn languages, ever. To let you all in on where I'm going, the trip includes Venice, Rome, Monte Carlo, Barcelona and Madrid. Each place is at least two days, and most are two nights. The tour group provides some orientation and "hard to get" tours for the group and then lets you spend your time being lost in Europe. Plus, there is forced interaction with other members of the tour at the group dinners. Hopefully, it will help me to get to a lot of places and see a lot of stuff.

I am sad that I won't get to other places, such as the rest of Europe, but to my knowledge it's not going anywhere and I doubt all the ruins and castles will disappear before my next opportunity to travel.

Next, I'm trying to figure out a way to go all over this fine nation and visit many of the lovely people I know. There are far to many of you living in places that no one else resides any longer. If you could, please, I would appreciate it if everyone I know would just move to the same location. Also, I'm trying to figure out how I can afford to do all this without a job. However, I think that I'm going to do something that I've, oddly enough, always wanted to do, and get a US Rail Pass for Amtrak and see this fine country by rail. I know it's not likely to be beautiful everywhere, but it will be an experience. It's also super cheap when compared to flying/driving to all the places I wish to go.

Finally, I've decided that I'm only really allowed to procrastinate in order to take care of real things, like financing, travel plans, talking to my family, etc. and no longer am allowed to read for fun. Also, I will be limiting all other "entertainment" until I'm either, less likely to cry when I perform a practice test and fail to achieve 50% correct, feel truly prepared to take the bar, or the bar is over. More than likely the last, the former are just likely to get worse as I continue down the spiral of frustration and horror that has become my studying of late.

PS Don't go to grad school, it costs way freaking too much in the end...

An Open Letter to Food Stuffs Makers

Dear Sirs and Madames:

Please stop making the bags in which you place your various food items, such as cereal, goldfish crackers, and the like, out of material that is weaker than the glue with which the bag is sealed shut. It is already difficult enough to open said bags properly given the Herculean effort necessary just to start the opening process, but then to have a giant tear in the wrong direction makes the process of eating your food, or more accurately getting your food into a dish, all the more frustrating. Therefore, the entire process, from start to finish of eating your bagged food becomes annoying.

While some might suggest that I simply use scissors instead, I say that you are the ones who recommend peeling the bags open at the glue strip, therefore the issue is yours to fix. Besides, it didn't used to be this way when I was little. I could open a bag correctly when I was little. Now that I'm older, it seems that you've improved your glue, but left the bag weaker and more subject to tearing.

Thank you for your efforts to improve this problem.

Sincerely,

Girl with too many bags of food which require extra sealing...

So much pain

So, in my effort at procrastinating, oh and to get healthier, I have started attending the gym with the boy. I dropped my membership that I wasn't using and joined at his gym which was cheaper. Now, I feel "motivated" to go, in that way that he's going, and he will encourage me to go. The boy is also a former personal trainer at a gym, so he's put together a routine for me. I have pain in the strangest places. And there are certain things that I have to do which just don't feel good anymore, like sitting up or reaching for things. But it's a good sort of pain.

There's a statement that doesn't make sense "good pain." Unless that's your thing. If it is I recommend starting over at the gym. If it's not, then you're with me on the fact that the statement "good pain" makes no sense. Productive pain sort of makes sense, like childbirth is, apparently, productive pain. It is pain that encourages you to get that alien parasite out of you, which is important. Or like an infection, it's telling you to get rid of the bad stuff, even if that includes cutting your arm off. Productive pain in relation to the gym is the light soreness that you feel more when your using your body to do normal things, it reminds you that your body isn't as strong as it used to be and that it is in my power to fix.

Now, if only I could find a way to apply that to my bar studies. It's just a matter of making myself sick to a realistic schedule which will really help me study. The hardest part is just reading and rereading stuff so that I can commit a lot of information to memory. It's not as easy to stay focused for extended periods of time to get myself to really read through the information. Instead I find my mind wandering or my eyes slowly closing as I fall asleep. I need something that will cause me to be un-distracted and want to read through this stuff. Perhaps I need a better sense of impending doom.

Perhaps instead of writing you people I should go study now.

Where does the time go?

So, I was doing good with the updating for about two weeks there, and then bam, back to my old habits. So very shocking for the rest of you, I'm sure.

I am currently enmeshed in my bar review classes. I spend 4-8 hours in class almost everyday -- including today, a Saturday -- and then I'm expected to study for 6-8 hours outside class. I'm averaging 2-3 hours of extra studying. That's just not going to cut the mustard kids. However, I haven't really felt the pressure I'm starting feel now. Now, I'm actually giving myself hard line hourly assignments and cracking the proverbial whip. I'm up to about 4 hours a day. I think that I need to find a way to motivate myself that doesn't end in the night terrors. I also need to stop finding excuses and just lock myself in my study room and demand more of myself. I mean, it's less than two months now, and I don't want to do this again...

However, I did distract myself with an excellent weekend at a certain persons bachelorette party last weekend. It was a lot of time spent NOT studying, but it was an awesome time and I'm really glad I did it. Especially since I can't make it to her wedding. Something about she did not want to schedule it around my bar exam!?!

So, that's where I'm at. I'll try to put updating this on my schedule regularly to avoid the two month gaps I normally end up with.

It's really too bad that the weather is so nice right now...