Sometimes I think I'm clever. Usually it turns out I'm only clever in my head and it just doesn't resinate the same way on paper or out loud. Then I ask if that was my outside voice and turn red. Finally, I accept that I am not clever and repeat the process more quickly then I care to admit.
I also know that I am always disappointed by the holidays. It is not because I didn't get anything I wanted (I am an admitted spoiled brat) but because I feel like I could have done better. For instance, I bought cards to send to people before I needed to pack and leave and stuff and instead I farted around and watched daytime TV. Neither did wonders for my brain nor did they help me get the cards done on time. Nor did ordering online a week in adavance allow me to get stuff shipped in time to my parents house. Although it was only amazon that seemed to have that problem. I am angry with them so I will stop now. Basically, the disappointment is with myself and not being better at the whole holiday thing. It is one of my favorite times of the year because I get to go out and buy stuff for other people, but I never have enough time or great ideas or enough money to make sure that everyone gets great stuff. I know that's not the point, but I just get sad when it still doens't work out. Perhaps that's the fun of it, thrill of the chase and all that.
Next is New Years, which is very weird for me this year. New Years has always been the holiday about friends and partying. For the last six (or maybe more) years, I have always chosesn to spend that night with my friends. This year, however, I can only call my friends when they are at the hieghten frenzy of celebration. It is sad and it is the the most final of all the feelings that I've had since I left to go to school. I always joked that it was the end of an era and now it really does feel like it. This years plans are still in flux (although that's not my fault) and I am not sure that I'll even be at a party. It makes me sad because that party with my friends has always meant a lot (even if I don't really cut loose until after midnight and have to help clean for five hours the next day). I will truly miss that this year and I don't think that will go away for a while because I see nothing to change it for this year.
This is why the end of the holidays disappoints me. Hopefully, I can find something to be cheerful about next time. Or perhaps a rant because those are much funnier.
Also, movies are great, movie theatres are kept too cold.
3 comments:
Regardless of where you end up, all of us in DC will be thinking of you on New Year's! You say it is the "end of of an era." Well, yes! Of course it is! If all of us truly follow our dreams, "eras" begin and end for all of us--depending on the perspective. The great thing is that during those "eras" you meet wonderful people and have tremendous experiences. It could have been easy of you to say that it was the end of an era when you left highschool, or college...I call it progress and pursuing dreams. So dream on and know that all of us in DC are with you! Happy New Year!
-Brandon
An that is why Brandon is such a optimist. The perspective is of the great potential not the scary bits.
i miss your party too!!!!! i went ice skating with larua and her friend scott -- fun, but, shall we say, dorky.... ;-)
Post a Comment