Despite what my gchat message says...

I am procrastinating. My last final is on Saturday (tomorrow) morning at 8:30am. I don't want to study for it any more. Not that I have for the last day & a half. So, to feel like I'm closer to studying, I sit at my computer and have studies related items up and the internet. And some sort of "came with my computer card game." This leads me to the real reason for my post.

I am 95% sure that the free computer version of hearts cheats. How else would the "person" who is giving me cards always get dealt the Queen of Hearts? How is the only way to ruin my perfect hand is for the exact card of the leading "person" just played to be in their hand? How else do you explain my running out of low spades every time when the only "person" left to play is the one with the queen? How is it statistically possible that the cards go that way until I close it and reopen it with a new name? It's like it tracks my play and if I have the possibility of winning more than once it starts to make the other "players" magically good players?

Okay, okay, okay. It's paranoia better spent studying, so I'm gonna go try to do that now.

PS Thanks to the fans who checked in to say they still read me :) I love you guys!

One down, one to go . . .

So, I've taken one final. The harder final. The final that I knew I wasn't prepared for. I didn't bomb it. I just didn't ace it either, but I'm okay with that. It was hard, but I finished. For example of the difficulty here is a paraphrase of the last question, which details removed:

If case X (decided 19xx, p. xxx in text) was decided five years later, what additional issue would the court have had to address and how would that have changed the analysis.

UMMMMM...

Thank goodness it was open book, so I could just start flipping through to read the dates of decision of later cases that might be relevant. I figured out something, and so I could answer the question, but well...we'll see how well.

So, now I have one more test to take. It's a 100 question True/False test. Seriously, I'm a little scared of that because I know that those sorts of questions aren't actually easy when that's all you're being tested on. Especially when it comes to ethics. Ethics very rarely test your knowledge when the issues are black and white. Instead, you have to look at the nuanced gray areas to really determine if you understand the crux of the issue. So, to then get to the issues by asking true/false questions only means that you can't get away with explaining the issue and then making you decision, you have to choose...I don't want to choose...blah.

Other than that, I'm starting bar prep classes in a week and a half. On a Saturday. What the crap? Why couldn't they wait til Monday?

I'm also starting to exercise more. This is good because for the first time in my life I'm really not happy with my body. I'm getting fat in certain areas. I'm clearly not fit. My clothes and I struggle on a regular basis. Therefore, I really need to work on making myself okay with my body. On way to do that is to exercise. The other is to diet. Not really diet, but to eat consciously. I have found that I'm not really not paying a lot of attention to what I'm eating and what's in it. I've started eating a LOT of processed food. That's not good for you because there is a whole lot of extra crap in there that you can't pronounce and don't put in when you cook. So, now I'm trying to cook more using whole foods and known ingredients. I'm not perfect, but it's a start.

So, that's what's up with me right now. What's up with you? Does anyone read this anymore?

My Last Law School Class

So, today is the last day of classes for me in my entire law school career. I'm torn because I do love being in school, and I think that I've finally figured out some of the stuff that I want to study and become an "expert in," which is not necessarily related to the type of law that I would practice. However, I'm not so big on the trend of "I have no money because the only money I have the bank gave me and they seem to think I'll give it back soon." I've accepted that I've sold out, and I'm looking forward to the fee that comes with it, for now at least.

I started to write this post while I was still in class, but I also took notes, so class is done now, and so am I. The professor ended class discussing when we will face the conflict between our ethical obligations and our moral senses and how we will face that. Maybe I'm less torn because I don't know if I can sacrifice my morality in order to be a "good" lawyer. Perhaps school would be better for me...

The point of all of this is that my graduation is in a month (exactly a month, actually) and then I have to study for and take the bar. After that I'll have done everything I have to do to become a lawyer (provided I pass the bar which I won't know until November). This is a very scary reality because I've like being insulated from the real world in a very real way. I watch the national and local news on Monday for the first time in years (not counting "Meet the Press" or "The Chris Matthews Sunday Show") and it was a little disheartening that I have to deal with that sooner rather than later.

Also, I have been seriously considering looking to buy a home because market conditions might lead to affordability. Turns out that "areas such as San Diego" haven't really had the pricing hit and will rebound sooner plus they are getting choosy about who they extend credit to. So, I may be living in my nearly section 8 housing where my downstairs neighbors have reported us to the management for being too loud late at night and we are living under threat of potential eviction until we can afford to get an ungodly sum of money for a down payment on a way over priced home that has a commute of an hour. I love southern california...

Plus, I need to buy a car. I'm currently driving my parent's car because they have had an extra car because of daughters in college mooching off them for years now, but I feel like once I join the "real world" I should sit down and buy my first car. That requires figuring what kind of car I want, how long I plan on having it, if I want to go used or new, if I want a hybrid, how much I can afford, blah, blah, blah...

Oh, and I still need to finish my paper and take my finals. Plan my summer carefully so I can go to places when I need to, but not miss my bar classes, and still have some money from the extra loan I took out in order to afford all of this so that I can start paying off the loans that are coming due. I don't like this adult real world.

Sorry, about that rant. I'll be better later. I don't know when later is going to be, but it will happen.

Woo hoo!

It is official, I have the potential to be an ethical lawyer! I passed the ethics test, and I was only 4 points below the mean score! That's a rate of 13 points over the score I needed in order to be considered "passed" for the bar.

That is all for now.

So much to say, but so much procrastination...

Okay, so I've been away from here for a while. I'd say I am sorry, but that would merely be repeating myself and patronizing you. So here's a brief update of what's going on.

After I got sick the boy got sick because he didn't think it was fair that I had all the attention for so long. But, because he is who he is, he got sick bigger and better than me. His sick required multiple doctors and actual procedures. The biggest problem is that he is self employed and has not bothered to get himself insured for the health "care." So, not only is he out work from that stretch of time where he couldn't move without screaming in pain, he needs the money he could have made to pay for the necessary care. Also, I don't know how long I can put up with sick people, but apparently it's about 5 minutes to 5 seconds depending on how many days you've been broken. Yeah, I'm ready for kids. Do you see how nurturing that is?

Then there was the school stuff. It was a lot and it's not getting any less and the senioritis is getting worse. blahhhhhhh. I did write a 27 page draft of a paper in about 2 days, and I got 4 hours of sleep.

I took the first steps to taking the bar. There is a lot of stuff that they really don't tell you that you have to do and how expensive it's going to be. Things I've accomplished include filling out a lot of paperwork. For example:
I have filled out my moral character application in which I must swear that I'm not so shifty that I won't be a good lawyer (insert standard lawyer joke here). This includes needing to get five non-relative references, one of whom must be a licensed attorney. Thank goodness that I had a summer job, because that means I know a real lawyer.
Then I took the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam, or MPRE, which is a three hour test or your ethics knowledge. You have to get less than 50% to pass. It's essentially hoping that you fill in bubbles well enough that you don't look unethical. I do, however, know people who I don't think are stupid, who failed to pass...
I applied to take the CA State Bar Exam. It cost a lot of money and if I don't get to take it here, I have to take it in another city and it will be far away. BOOOOO.

That's about half an update. I have my spring break to talk about. I will drop this hint about that story: I did something that most people would never expect of me in Las Vegas that has nothing to do with gambling, strippers, or hookers, in fact it has nothing do with the location, it just happened within the county which could pique interest. Any guesses?

I been sooo sick

So, I have had this terrible chest cold that's recently added fever and chills to the gut wrenching coughing and the mucus train. When I first caught the cold I made the joke that it was because of my allergy nasal spray because I got a cold the last time I took it. Well, it turns out one the "mild" side affects of the said product is in fact viral infection according to the commercial I just say. May I just note that a week and a half of this crap is not mild, and is, in fact, one of the grossest illnesses I've had. Stupid side affects... Thanks the chemists for NyQuil and it's generic counterparts...

Other than that I've been very busy with school stuff. Mostly, I've been working on an editing project for the law journal trying to insure that the 1000+ sources the author cited are correctly cited. It's boring and it sucks. I regret applying for the position.

I just wanted to update you as to my current excuse for not updating. I think that I'm gonna go pass out now...

I got my oil changed...

So, I try to talk to my parents once a week, more for their peace of mind than anything else. But, sometimes when we talk, I have nothing say, and we end up talking about weather. I am very interested in the weather, but I just cannot focus on a conversation for more than a minute when that's all that's up for discussion. Similarly, I do not focus when people tell me stories but cannot remember the important details, like the name of the person you ran into who I used to work with 8 years ago who is blond and short, well shorter than you anyway, or when you insist upon only discussing where the mucus is in your head. I'm just not that tolerant, especially when I'm tired. This is what happened last night while I was talking and my dad asked if he had called in the middle of an interesting show. He hadn't, and in fact there was almost nothing on last night (Damn the Strike!!!!). So, apparently I was just really tired. Mostly, all I could think to say is that the only thing going on with me was that I had gotten the oil changed in the car and then went to Costco. That was, in fact, the highlight of my week. And this week does not seem like it will be more interesting. At least there will be politics to complain about.

Since I clearly have nothing going on in my life, I will share the following about other people who I know who probably don't read this blog...

My friend from high school had her baby. Woo hooo! I've yet to receive pictures.

Friends of the boy's son fell down at pre-school in such a way that he has a spiral fracture high on his femur (near the hip joint). He is two years old (but the size of a four year old) and is in a "full body cast." Apparently, a full body cast isn't as full as it sounds. He has both arms free, a whole for stuffing diapers in, an open tummy area, and the lower half of one (the non-broken) leg is free. Oddly, his mom says he hasn't been too fussy about it, and for the last two weeks has entertained himself well enough. She suspects its because he doesn't know enough to be truly upset about it. I think they're dosing him because he's one of the most active little boys I have seen (not that I've seen a lot of little boys, but he does not stop until he is exhausted enough to go to bed, and even then it's chaos). BTW, I don't really think that, but it sounded funnier.

The boy has taken to calling my niece the "alien baby" because "she is too little." I informed him that apparently she is a "peanut baby" because my sister said so. He continues to disagree...
Because my niece is just another Gerber looking baby, I will post the following picture of me and her from Christmas, which is now my background on my computer...




I'm sorry, but when did my family get so Nordic?


The difference between "organic ranch dressing" and normal ranch dressing...bits of onion.

And then....

Okay, so I left off telling you about my trip home. To summarize, my niece is cute but vomits, my parents have a better social life than me, my best friend from high school was a big as a house and will explode with a baby soon, and questions about marriage are awkward and weird when asked by anyone.

Actually, the issue of getting married only came up a couple of times, once with the boy there and once without. I don't know why I'm uncomfortable with this topic, but really the boy and I talk about getting married pretty openly. He's all for running to Vegas for a planning free wedding. I don't think that's really what I want. But, we don't have a date and idea for the wedding, and I haven't been asked yet -- although the boy keeps saying stuff about it just out of my hearing to other people...he's not as subtle as he thinks. For me, the wedding seems a mere formality and an excuse to make all of my friends come and party with me. But it seems very important to a lot of other people. Don't know why.

So, then we came back here to San Diego. The boy's best friend from college was in town and we hung out with him on New Years Eve. We went to Dave and Busters, which is like Chuckie Cheese's for grown ups (you can play ski ball with a gin and tonic). We only intended to go for happy hour and dinner then we would go home for a quiet and relaxed evening of watching movies. Well, some how midnight rolled around and we were still there and I was very, very intoxicated. I switched to drinking waters. At some point I talked to some of my very good friends who were together, but then I hung up because apparently I'd forgotten to inform the boy and his friend that I was going outside to talk on the phone and they sort of freaked out because they couldn't find me. I would swear that I told them while they were playing one of the games, but that is neither here nor there. I think that I said I would call my friends back, but I didn't and I know I didn't talk to everyone. I am sorry about that and hope you all had plenty of fun in the Vermont snow. Feel free to rant at me via e-mail...

So, then school started last week. I haven't gotten all of my student loans, and therefore have no money. So, I have been quietly staying at home and watching the TV and pretending to get through my reading. Really, I do the reading, but I'm not really paying a lot of attention to it. It's more like skimming with highlighter than anything else. This weekend, however, there were free parties to attend, and I actually went to a party at a house of my fellow law students. There was much fun because I watched other people play this game based on guitar hero, but with a drum set and microphone. You compete as a band to become a rock band hero. It is fun to watch people play this while they drink. Things are just more serious yet much sloppier.

And now I'm at the library not studying for my classes today. I'm sure that this space will go back to my traditional rant about the whole wide world soon, but I just thought I'd finish up my "where I've been for the last three months" post.

If you could go see anything in Europe, where would you go?

So, um, I do update this blog . . .

Okay, so I just doubled checked the last time I updated, and I owe the two of you who still check this site an apology. I thought that I'd at least put something up about my birthday, but I didn't. Also, I never told you that I finished my finals, but that I don't have the will to study anymore, but I didn't do that either. Then I could have mentioned bringing the boy home for the holidays and seeing my niece, but I haven't done that either... In all, I really have dropped the ball the last two months. So, sorry. Here is a brief recap of November 22 to around Christmas.

I turned 30 on my birthday (as opposed to changing my age on a date not related to my birthday). I also had my last class on the same day. It was an evening class. So, on my 30th birthday, I learned about insider trading, but not enough to remember that I learned about insider trading without going to my notes to figure it out. After that I went out for a few beers with people from law school. I was pleasantly surprised at who showed up for a drink and I conveniently did not have to pay for any of it. Woohoo for friends. Plus a lot of friends who aren't around sent me birthday wishes. This gave me warm fuzzies on the inside and may me be okay with the fact that I've lived yet another decade. And that's all I have to say about that.

After my birthday, there were finals (about six days after my birthday, in fact). I had a final, then a paper, then another final. I finished all of them. I was not pleased with my performance on any of them. Stupid lack of time management skills...But, then I was done. Oh, and I have severe senioritis.

Then it was time to get ready for Christmas and going home for two weeks. This involved buying presents for even more people then any year. Mostly I spoilt my niece because it's very easy to do. However there were my parents, my sister and her husband, my niece, the boys parents, the boy's sister and her husband, the boy's aunt (who always gives me something), and the boy. Plus there are the friends who are having babies, the boy's friends who throw gatherings and invite us all the time, and the gift exchange. Then I had to send the holiday cards to my family, friends, the boy's family, and the boy's friends. If you didn't get one and you think you know me well enough, it's probably because I don't have your snail mail address. Or I sent it and it came back to me because I don't have an up-to-date address. Plus, the boy got me a Christmas tree, and I had to decorate it (btw -- this is not a chore it's a fun filled project of joy for me).

Then I went to the boy's friends annual Christmas party. It's hard for me because I don't really fit in, in part because I don't try to fit in and in part because I'm just not a standard girl. I don't really know most of the people that are there, and some of them I don't actually like very much. There are people who don't like each other for whatever reason, there are people who fight with each other -- oh and they're married to each other, there are people who drink too much every time they go out, and there are people who are just closed off to new people. Plus, I don't feel comfortable with new people, even though I've been to this party for the past three years...Then there is the gift exchange, which always ends up giving me the crappy gift. (For example, this year I picked up the car cleaning and detailing kit, which would be great but I live in an apartment without a way of cleaning my card. I actually regifted this present.) Then the boy insists on staying until the bitter end so that we can help clean. This year, I was cleaning while three of the wives were sitting around talking (one of whom is trying to stay pregnant, so I felt that was acceptable). Most of the husbands helped, and the single guys, too, but a couple of them just sat around and kept drinking. While that annoyed me, what galled me is that only one of them said thank you, and he helped to clean... End of rant...

Then I went home for the holidays. My dad took me to a lot of events and then there was the wine tasting at my parents house, then the boy came up, then we went to more events, then there was Christmas morning, then my sister and her family showed up that afternoon and we had the gift opening, then Christmas dinner with my family and another family who is like the other half of our family, then I got a cold, then we had our family photo -- including the boy -- done by the professional photographer, then the boy went home, then I saw my best friend from high school who is eight months pregnant, and then I slept on the plane. Highlights included:
a) a man from a group my dad belongs to asking if I was his wife
b) a women from the same group told me she thought I was 18
c) I got thrown up by my niece about eight time, usually on at least two pieces of clothing
d) it snowed on Christmas day, which is not that exciting for most people, but has not happened in Portland in the 19 years my parents have lived there
e) realizing that the boy had never seen snow on Christmas and then having a snowball fight with him, which he won
f) seeing all of my family together, including the second family who count as family, at the Christmas table, so that there were 11 of us
g) getting my ass kicked by my entire family multiple times playing UNO, seriously, I suck at that game...
h) finding out that I can put my niece back to sleep myself
So, the boy was hesitant to be in the family photo, only because we're not married and he didn't want to my parents to feel obligated to include him. My mom, however was very insistent, and pointed out that family is not about a piece of paper but the love you bring to each other. The boy was convinced upon that speech, which I relayed back and forth as I talked to my mom on the phone.
Also, my niece is growing, but she still doesn't keep all of her food down (thus the throwing up on me so often). She's starting to look like a healthy, chubby baby, which is adorable. The baby vomit, not so cute.

Okay, I'll finish my story later, but I need to get to school so that I can buy my books for class tomorrow, for which I have reading assignments already to do...

Does anyone else have the issue of a constant radio in your head? I have had "The Right Stuff" by the NKOTB running on my head radio for the last 12 hours. I need to change the channel...

Thanks for the giving

So, I'm feeling much better now. A lot of the stress I was feeling has passed because the projects have been completed (up to the point they were required to be by now).

I tried my first "case" last week. I was working for the prosecution and the three juries found the defendant guilty. Mostly, I was just happy I didn't sound like an idiot and I got a lot of compliments from the mock juries. Mind you, they were all jurors under the age of 20. But, it was still a good feeling.

Also, I did my first power point presentation yesterday too. It was a presentation on my Gender and the Law paper for class. I got a little good feedback from that, too. I don't really remember much about my presentation but it finished. I didn't get a lot of feedback, so it's hard to tell how it went over. So, that is that.

Now it's the Thanksgiving break and I've realized that I have about a week until I turn 30 and then two weeks until finals. HOPEFULLY (but really not likely) I will use these three days effectively.

Hopefully you all know how much you have to be thankful for. I am thankful for all of you and the love you give me.

Watching oneself implode is hard

I have had a long two weeks which shouldn't have been so long. Therefore, I self imploded at some point and have completely stopped caring. And, if I have a headache for one more day, I will probably use a dull instrument to dig it out from behind my eyes...

Really, I am starting to feel like a lot of the reasons I have confidence in myself are not actually valid, as far as law school goes -- not the rest of my life. But, maybe it's simply because I have been so scattered for the last month and a half that I haven't really put my full capabilities into anything so nothing can be good. However, this is cause for concern because eventually in the real world I will have to be able to effectively juggle a lot of different projects at once. If I can't do it when I'm in school, will I be able to do it in the real world? Maybe, I'm just sitting in a small puddle of self-pity and I'll be better by next week, hopefully.

Oh, and I realized last night that I am old when compared to a large number of people at school with me. I just wished two people happy 23rd birthdays on Tuesday...screw them and their stupid youth and having their whole lives in front of them. They have no experience or knowledge of the real world. So, screw them and their ability to drink without getting a day long hang over!!!!!

Plus, only one other person at a table of 10 people had heard of "Shirt Tales" which made me sad because it was before everyone else's time of cartoon watching (in age, not in the day). They all knew the stupid Care Bears and Friends, though...

Bah, this has to be my whiniest post ever, so sorry. Thanks for listening though.

Right now I think that I should give myself the day off because I'm disinterested in everything. Maybe five straight hours of TV is what I need to get over the hump...

I'm alright

I am sure some of you have heard about all the fires in the area around me. I just wanted to give a quick note to say I'm alright. I'll update more later.

Love to everyone!

Booty & Plunder

I decided to call this post booty & plunder because my only other option (in my head) was AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I have so much to do, so little time in which to do it, and an unshakable feeling that I'm forgetting something. This week is my holy-heck week because of everything I really need to get done and the limited amount of self directed time in which to do. The culmination of the last few weeks of frustration will come to the proverbial head this week, ending on Sunday, or maybe even Monday. Then I will have to refocus on everything else that I have been ignoring in order to get the rest of this stuff done with, like school.

I think that I've finally decided to officially sell-out. Now if only I could find the darn paperwork...

PS I am a horrible speller.

PPS You probably already knew that.

PPPS Yesterday before class I stated loud enough for most of my classmates to hear "Put down the crackpipe of separation." You figure it out...

Jumping through hoops, just because

So, I've taken on even more stress intentionally, and I'm pissed off about how other people are handling it. Not the boy, the boy says "Do what you want to because I love and support you.", which is refreshing. Others are saying "We don't think that you've proven yourself capable because we're bitter about things as related to our lives, and we think that you cannot conceive of a way to balance your own life." To them I say "NUTS TO YOU."

I've been all over the place emotionally and rage wise, and I've consistently woken up four hours after I go to bed having similarly frightening dreams about these things that are bothering me. They never end well, and sometimes I don't fall back asleep for an hour. Therefore, I am frustrated and sleep deprived. Someone told me yesterday it was like I have been dunked into the bitter soup and seem to be very mean about very petty things (particularly near strangers at law school). It's true, but I've sort of stopped caring, which bothers me. I used to care a lot, and now I don't. I am therefore declaring myself "bitter cakes" and will work on the recipe.

Random side note, I think I understand where the phrase "Nuts to you" may come from. Apparently really long meals with many courses started with soup and ended with nuts (thus "from soup to nuts"). So perhaps saying "nuts to you" is like saying I'm done with you/this and the meal is over, please leave my parlor.

And, I'm certain that no one is reading this anymore, but if you are, notice how often I've posted for the last few weeks. Aren't you proud?

PS My niece is growing and she is still the cutest in all the land. She's as big as her stuffed pig now!

Today the TV taught me

So, a commercial told me that there are three types of fiber:

1) Soluble
2) Insoluble
3) Fermenting

What they failed to explain to me is:

a) why fermenting is neither soluble or insoluble
b) why I should care about fermenting fiber

All I know is that I'm guessing "fermenting" will now replace "gassy" in my lexicon, cause I'm guessing that's what they were trying to say. And that amuses me beyond reasonableness, as defined by an objective or subjective standard.

P.S. Discrimination against women based on their role as child-care provider harms women, men, and employers. Ask me how if you care to hear a bunch of B.S. (which is also the abbreviation for Balance Sheet, and that tells you all you need to know about corporate financial reporting). T.V. taught me neither of these things.

How do you politely ask someone to...

... not type on their laptop so loud that it echos throughout the desks and over the Beatles in my headphones?

... stop chewing crunchy items that are so loud I can hear you eating 50 feet away?

... to not be a f***-tard?

I am in one of those places where everything is coming down at once. So, my plan is to not to sleep until 10am. Ohh, poor me, I have to get up a normal hour that the vast majority of people get up at everyday in the real world. But, in all seriousness, I am swamped and frustrated by some lack of support by "partners" in the efforts. Perhaps my control-freak nature has a bad flip side in that way that I do so much that I create an expectation in the other person that they don't need to do anything. Also, some people are worse then me and only seek allies in their desire to be a belabored hard-worker, but in reality, they tied their own noose and I don't care about their complaints, but I need the stuff they're supposed to have done.

And I'm taking a class which is called "Gender in the Law" which could be awesome if a) some classmates would start talking more; b) some classmates would stop talking; or c) the class could be limited to the Professor (on whom I have a major girl crush) and one other student who is awesome (I may also have a girl crush on her, but she and her husband seems okay with that). Right now we're switching from sexual harassment to domestic violence. The reading assignments aren't all that fun. But, I do see how lucky I am to have not been confronted with a lot of these issues (or at least not yet) and even luckier that there are smart people out there writing smart articles which make it obvious for many otherwise stupid people as to why such things are a) more complicated than simple violence/anger; b) why victimization is about asserting power; c) not being addressed in the current law; and d) actually are issues of public policy and not simple private issues that need to be resolved privately.

Okay, enough of my ranting, I must go do stuff for things.

So now I am waiting...

Well, I submitted about 50 applications for clearkships on the 4th. The federal court rules require that the judges wait until the 19th to arrange interviews with anyone who is still currently in school. So, I have heard from NONE...maybe because they didn't want to talk to me like a pirate?

Umm, other than that I am not putting the effort into my classes this semester that I should be. It's a tie between a) laziness, b) part-time scheduling, and c) procrastination as to why I'm not focused, but seeing as I know that why haven't I fixed it?

Oh, and when did co-coordinators of an event lead to one person doing all the work? Not because I want to but out of a sense of obligation to get crap taken care of I'm the one that has to do it. This makes me frustrated both with myself and with the other people who are supposed to be my "team." Also, it inevitably leads to me failing to get some things taken care of, which really really sucks.

Really, I just want to doing nothing all the time and sleeping through most of the day. But that's probably just the allergies talking (they give me a nasty headache all day).

Now I need to snack...

What do you do...

Okay, so I officially know that I'm not "cool" because I've worked at the library on Friday and Saturday night two out of the last three weekends and I'm excited to be awake in time to watch Meet the Press. So, based on that, I'm gonna get a little "political" here because I want to.

I'm very irritated with a lot of the talk about Iraq right now because the knee jerk reaction of "out now" is not a good policy but continuing down the current path will fix nothing in that area or here at home. First of all, I've never thought being there is a good idea, but it's too late know to change that choice because we've been there for five years (good lord, that's a long time) so arguing about it is pointless. But the debate we should be having, outside of the standard sound bite wars of campaigning, is about how we make the country less un-whole than it currently is.

There are real consequences for pulling out now: if we leave now we show the world what we don't stand for. Regardless of the possibility of terrorists taking hold or the foreign fighters coming into Iraq, if we simply pull all of our troops out instantly we would live a ginormous mess and civil war which we are largely to blame for starting. The message that sends to most other nations are detrimental to our reputation in the international world when there are other missions we declare must be fought -- like if we finally pulled our president's head out of his pooper and determined to stop the genocide in Dafur -- what other nations will follow our lead into those more legitimate actions? Moreover, removing Saddam was never a bad thing, but pulling out now will leave the potential for an equally bloody reign of sectarian rule in the opposite of Saddam's violence. There are people there who need to be protected, and until there is evidence that the powers that be in Iraq understand and agree, we must provide local officials and the armies with the training to help.

However, continuing down the path that we're currently undertaking is not going to ever be effective and only lead the the death of more men and women, both U.S. citizens and Iraqi. Those consequences are unacceptable. However, the path that I think needs to be travelled seems to be impossible. How do you find a political leadership that will protect all Iraqi's rights in an area that is full of people who have had a blood feud for more than a thousand years? That is a question that we can't even answer when the anger is a mere fifty years in development. I have no idea what the answer is to this concern, but it is the question that we should be addressing. The other issue we should be addressing is what the mission our troops should be completing. They cannot be the only protection within the cities, country, and borders, there just aren't enough of them. And, while most of the experts who have reported from Iraq have stated that the Iraqi military is prepared and capable of doing more, the sectarian concerns have bled into the discussion of their effectiveness.

I have no idea what should be done, but what I want is a serious discussion in the public sphere of these issues instead of sound bites and the debate that should have taken place FIVE YEARS AGO.

Now, to totally change the topic, last night I was confronted with the following situation:
I was at work at the library, and a guy who is there daily doing research who insists upon taking to me to much told me he didn't like going to D.C. There are a lot of reasons which I would understand as to why, so I asked him "Why don't you like to go to D.C.?" And his response was "First of all, there are too many black people for me."
HOW THE HELL SHOULD I RESPOND TO THAT? What I did was look away and pretty much stop talking because I had no idea what else to do. While I could rationalize my reaction a number of insufficient ways, I realized that it is because I am completely uncomfortable with confronting such an attitude. I am embarrassed about that.

Other than that, same old, same old.

Go BEARS!

So thin, my time that is

So, I have definitely spread myself too thin. I am not surprised that I have done this (it's been a constant theme in law school), but I am shocked by how quickly I've realized it this semester. Based on my yearly plan to improve my time management skills, I am constantly updating my calendar and to do list as I realize what all I need to get finished, only to realize that I spend as much time writing down what I need to accomplish as accomplishing it. That is not good time management. If anyone has suggestions, I'm open to them.

Right now, I'm procrastinating the writing of my cover letters for my judicial applications. They all must be accomplished by September 4. I have finished 0 of 70. That is not a good ratio. Also, the career services people seem to be not helpful because they're moving offices again. They got booted from their space in the middle of the summer and didn't get to move back in until last week making them hard to get a hold of and not as responsive as they want to be. I don't like it at all.

Never mind the fact that my parents are coming to visit this weekend, so I won't have as much time to work on my applications as I originally hoped. Stupid not getting things done...

School has started. I've been in class for a week. Somehow I managed to get myself a schedule where I only have Thursday off, but I have to come to school for office hours anyway. How on earth did I manage that while I'm only going part time? Still, it should be a good semester. One paper (30+ pages on gender and the law -- can we say "Erin will be more disgruntled with the man this semester"?); one "trial" (it's a mock trial and the course is a pass/fail class); and two finals (one open book, one closed book). That sound reasonable. Now if only I could sit down and figure out what I want to write my paper on...

I'm also dog sitting this week for a dog who cannot hear. It's strange because I'm in someone else house and no one else is there. Normally, I would talk to the dog, but I feel weird doing that since I know she can't hear me. Also, in order to get her attention, I have to put my hand in front of her nose and then start petting her. It makes me sad because I like this dog and it means she's getting very old.

As for my niece, she is the tiniest little thing and she is still struggling to gain wait. I will post a picture when I take the time to download them from my camera (can you say "Lazy"?). My sister is one of the strongest people I know and is struggling to be okay with all of this. She seems to think that because the baby isn't breast feeding well, she is a failure as a mom, especially if she decides quits trying to breast feed. I think that she is a great mom and I am sad that she doubts herself. However, I have not been in her shoes so I don't know how to tell her that she is doing great without sounding patronizing.

On a lighter note, my mom says my niece looks like me, but mostly because she's a gassy baby who squishes up her face to fart, which apparently I did a lot as a baby, too. Aren't you glad you know that about me now?

So, the real question is, does anyone read this half-arsed attempt at blogging?

Sometimes, when I'm drifting into a daydream I start thinking about the cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland and wonder why that movie didn't unsettle me as much as Dumbo (pink elephants on parade scene) or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (through the LSD tunnel scene -- original "Gene Wilder on cocaine" version) did when I was a kid.

Later.

Not dead, but laptop was

Okay, so first of all, I want to say, I'm am sorry that I haven't updated in two months, but my computer and it's manufacturer made it impossible to use it or fix the problems the first time. So, in honor of that here is a list of things that I really don't like right now:

1. Websites that say a certain part works for your stuff, but it doesn't and could ruin it instead
2. The fact that I still purchase things from those websites
3. Drivers who leave their blinker on and drive that way
4. Drivers who think that a blinker on for half a blink is sufficient notice to "merge" in front of me
5. Vapid "reality" tv people
6. The fact that I find people who qualify for #5 addictive to watch
7. Drivers who drive 60 mph when the speed limit is 65 mph for NO REASON (sometimes even when they do it for a reason)
8. My time management skills
9. Parking spaces marked "compact" which aren't, they're smaller
10. People in SUVs who park in "compact"

So, here's the super skinny:
I got glasses because I can't see things at distances (but it's not too bad, but it helps).

I have sold out and I love what I am doing this summer.

I got in a car accident at 5 mph and the lady called my insurance to "fix" her car and then, after she got an estimate, her insurance company said it was too small a claim to deal with (HAHAHA).

My sister had a baby girl who is in the hospital because she is too small and needs to learn to eat before she can leave the hospital. I have only seen pictures of her, but she is cute as pie (but I'm not biased at all). I am going to visit her and her family in early August. I am constantly thinking about her.

I am working toward applying for a judicial clerkship for post graduation.

I have stretched myself too thin for the summer and for next school year. Neither of those things are all that surprising to me.

I have had a headache for three days.

I have not finished Harry Potter book seven yet, but the fifth movie was awesome.

Love to you all. I'll try to update more when I can.

Mystery & Jeopardy are the best TV shows on TV.