The insomnia of the caretaker is very rarely something that I read about. Then again, I don't read books or blogs or columns of the caretaker perspective. I cannot take in the messages of those that have been or are going through this. I am stuborn enough to think that my experience is a unique one and that everyone elses experiences are unique to them, so the empathy it would take to hear their message is too much work for me. I also think that my ability to compartmentalize my emotions, which is not as great as it was six months ago, makes me different. Sometimes to the point that I am concerned about myself. But then I hear a dumb song on pop radio and I start crying because driving and crying is totally safe. On the freeway.
But back to the not sleeping. Even when the husband is sleeping soundly next to me, I don't quite know how to sleep soundly less I fail to hear him when he wakes or if he calls out for me. So, I stay up when he is up and I cannot sleep when he sleeps. Nevermind work and being on time and understanding that the root of insanity is continuing to not sleep. Also not great for the safe driving award I was hoping for. I do work for an understand boss that ignores the fact that I am constantly late. And sometimes I take a sick day because I slept through all of the things that a normal person would wake to and it is now pm on a work day.
And I fluctuate between hope that he will get some good, solid sleep and fear that he will stop breathing when I am not paying attention. And I don't know when I sleep well ever again.
Thursday, October 06, 2016
Monday, June 15, 2015
Still awake, watching soccer
I have spent a lot of my life, particularly of late, watching, playing, and loving soccer. But, the older I get the more I notice the disparate coverage of women and men soccer. In watching the highlights show that they put together every day, I feel like I get about 15 minutes of highlights (much of which includes fans and dancing after goals) and 35 minutes of "why you should like the women who play soccer". When I watched the men's world cup (which is actually just called the world cup...), the highlights show was actual highlights, analysis of the style of play, and consideration of the soccer implications of players and plays. I find it is very frustrating because it is highly reflective of the reason why women's soccer does not get the support around the world; women aren't athletes they are something less than athletic. We have to tell the stories of how they are mothers or interview them about their tattoos instead of their soccer careers. There is no equivalence in the sports coverage. And that completely ignores the fact that most of the world fails to invest in their women's programs and then are surprised when they fail.
Just grrr.
Just grrr.
Thursday, June 04, 2015
Well that de-escalated quickly
So, I was looking at my draft folder in my email, and the last draft is simply the phrase "Body in the Woods" as the body of the email. No subject, no further information, just "body in the woods". I have no recollection of why I wrote that phrase down. Maybe I saw something I shouldn't have and left a cryptic clue for anyone who finds me murdered. Maybe it was a book recommendation. Whatever. It's just something I found out while trying to find something to make me tired enough to sleep on the internet (which there is nothing on the internet that can make me that sleepy).
Through this bad case of insomnia, brought to me by a particularly bad day at work (not because of work but because of results of work), I have scrolled through the internet and realized that I have really cut myself off from the best forms of stress release I used in the past. I don't write, I don't exercise often, I don't do things. I think about things. I worry about the results of not doing things. I contemplate making plans to go about doing things. But, I don't do them. I feel accomplishment when I manage to complete the laundry or mow the lawn. But that isn't a thing. I don't hold myself accountable for it, and that's the most disappointing part.
At some point in my life I decided that it was okay to be passive about my life. The worst part for me right now is that I don't know that I want to change it enough to put the effort in to do something about it. I throw off thousands of (useless) excuses ... I'm tired, I'll get to it, I don't have my own space to do it in, It's hard ... but I don't change the patterns and ruts that I drive through every day. I have goals. I really do. I just don't plan on meeting those goals. And that, in my estimation of my own self, is pathetic.
And the worst of all of this is that I know it is rooted in fear of failing to accomplish it. So, I fail by never starting as though that is somehow better then failing after effort. And I cannot find it within myself to be accountable to myself and the version of me that has plans.
Reflecting on the tone of every other post that I have added to this space, one might come to the likely conclusion that I am depressed and unhappy with my life. I am not. But, I use this space as a normal person would their journal. Which might actually be fairly narcissistic in that I feel compelled to keep the world aware of the issues that I have instead of keeping it in a place that is for me and me alone to reflect on. Or is that the opposite of narcissism? Nope, definitely narcissism. But, perhaps by putting it out their on the interwebs for the random people of the world (mostly from Eastern Europe, if you believe the google tracking information) there is a hope that I will use this opportunity to have the grand revelation that I can choose to held myself accountable to my own expectations of myself. Which is not revelatory at all in that I know that already. It just hasn't been enough of late.
And asking someone else to be the one that holds me to my potential is asking someone to become my nemesis. The one I have to challenge, ignore, defy and resent. You know, a parent to my teenage tantrum of a self-motivator. Which will only end with a broken relationship of "why do you make me do stuff" "because you asked me to" "but you do it even when I don't want you to" "but that's when you asked me to do it" resentment and annoyance.
But, the good news is, writing this post was enough to cure my insomnia. So, I've got that going for me, which is nice.
Through this bad case of insomnia, brought to me by a particularly bad day at work (not because of work but because of results of work), I have scrolled through the internet and realized that I have really cut myself off from the best forms of stress release I used in the past. I don't write, I don't exercise often, I don't do things. I think about things. I worry about the results of not doing things. I contemplate making plans to go about doing things. But, I don't do them. I feel accomplishment when I manage to complete the laundry or mow the lawn. But that isn't a thing. I don't hold myself accountable for it, and that's the most disappointing part.
At some point in my life I decided that it was okay to be passive about my life. The worst part for me right now is that I don't know that I want to change it enough to put the effort in to do something about it. I throw off thousands of (useless) excuses ... I'm tired, I'll get to it, I don't have my own space to do it in, It's hard ... but I don't change the patterns and ruts that I drive through every day. I have goals. I really do. I just don't plan on meeting those goals. And that, in my estimation of my own self, is pathetic.
And the worst of all of this is that I know it is rooted in fear of failing to accomplish it. So, I fail by never starting as though that is somehow better then failing after effort. And I cannot find it within myself to be accountable to myself and the version of me that has plans.
Reflecting on the tone of every other post that I have added to this space, one might come to the likely conclusion that I am depressed and unhappy with my life. I am not. But, I use this space as a normal person would their journal. Which might actually be fairly narcissistic in that I feel compelled to keep the world aware of the issues that I have instead of keeping it in a place that is for me and me alone to reflect on. Or is that the opposite of narcissism? Nope, definitely narcissism. But, perhaps by putting it out their on the interwebs for the random people of the world (mostly from Eastern Europe, if you believe the google tracking information) there is a hope that I will use this opportunity to have the grand revelation that I can choose to held myself accountable to my own expectations of myself. Which is not revelatory at all in that I know that already. It just hasn't been enough of late.
And asking someone else to be the one that holds me to my potential is asking someone to become my nemesis. The one I have to challenge, ignore, defy and resent. You know, a parent to my teenage tantrum of a self-motivator. Which will only end with a broken relationship of "why do you make me do stuff" "because you asked me to" "but you do it even when I don't want you to" "but that's when you asked me to do it" resentment and annoyance.
But, the good news is, writing this post was enough to cure my insomnia. So, I've got that going for me, which is nice.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Finding the spark
So, I have a new goal. That is to write something, anything, everyday for the rest of the month. This includes writing here, writing a cover letter, writing a story, or writing something scholarly. I have found myself in a bit of a funk lately, and its making me a master of procrastinating on the internet, but I'm not really getting anything done. This is especially difficult given that I'm looking for a new job and don't feel like I have the skills for anything I want to do. As much as I adored law school, I think I made the wrong choice and should have sought a masters in public policy. Those jobs always seem far more interesting or productive, and each one seems truly different, but require the same set of skills. Basically, I don't feel qualified to anything I want to and I don't want to do anything I'm qualified for. More disturbing to me is that there are jobs out there that I think I want, but when they look at my resume, they are likely to say "wow, she wouldn't want this job, she's been a lawyer." But, the thing is, I don't think that I want to be a lawyer, that's why I'm applying for the event planning job.... On top of all of this anxiety there is the financial concern I have for us. We've already moved in with my parents (which cost us too much to do), cut his family off our cell phone bill, and eliminated a lot of expenses. So, we've greatly reduced our bills, but have zero income. It sucks and it causes me to not sleep at night, which makes the procrastination and fear that much worse.
So, in hopes of finding something productive, I think I need to write stuff down. This blog has been dead for over three years, so I figure no one will read it but it will give me a way to get stuff out there that interests me or that sparked for me. That way I'll remember that there is something that sparked for me at some point and that will be a good sign. Sometimes all I need is a good sign. Even if it is a generic horoscope that has a positive moment.
Most of all, I miss my books. They are unhappy in storage.
So, in hopes of finding something productive, I think I need to write stuff down. This blog has been dead for over three years, so I figure no one will read it but it will give me a way to get stuff out there that interests me or that sparked for me. That way I'll remember that there is something that sparked for me at some point and that will be a good sign. Sometimes all I need is a good sign. Even if it is a generic horoscope that has a positive moment.
Most of all, I miss my books. They are unhappy in storage.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The never ending to do list
I write to do lists because I am not organized enough to remember things (including names, dates, and places). I also write them because I enjoy crossing things off them. Personally, I'm surprised that I don't write "write to do list" on my to do list just so I can cross if off when I'm done. I do however write things on them so that I can immediately cross them off because they would have been on the list if I'd written the list before I did the task -- which I recognize is not necessarily rational but it helps me sleep at night.
The point of this is that my to do lists of late have been a lot of wedding planning stuff and cleaning. There is also a lot of "buy stuff for other people" on the list because everyone is born in the spring and summer plus everyone gets married then too. Stupid people... However, now I need to buy stuff for me too and I've run out of energy, funding, and the little bit of desire I've ever had to buy stuff for me besides nerdy things like books. I don't even want to go shoe shopping, which marks a sad moment for me as that is the only apparel item I've ever enjoyed purchasing. Unfortunately, I do need to go buy stuff, which adds to my to do list.
But the purpose of this rant is to explain that most of my major tasks for the wedding are completed. Almost all the vendors are at least hired, except the baker. That's the boys purview and he has FAILED to get this off his list. We are not cake eaters (he's at least a frosting eater, but even that leaves me less than enthused), so we have enlisted his sister and mother to come and help us pick the baker/cake. They are coming this weekend for that express purpose. HE STILL HASN'T SET UP APPOINTMENTS!!!! He's known for weeks and every day I NAG him which makes me feel like an ASS. I give him weekly to do lists and that's been on there since we've known when they're coming. Why is this so f-ing hard???? You get to cross it off your list when you've made the appointments. I even offered to just go ahead and make these calls myself just to get it done.
The worst part about all of this is that a couple of months ago we talked about how I'm not good at delegating or at least sharing tasks. I think that this only reinforces my feelings about why it is I don't and will only lead to more stress for me. I have been trying to share the burden (see the weekly to do list for him), but all that leads to is me nagging him to accomplish what I need for him to get done sooner because he procrastinates more than I do.
FRICK YOU BLOG SPOT!
There was about five more paragraphs that I'd typed but because I logged out of gmail got logged out of blogger and the paragraphs got deleted. So, those will be retyped later. I should do some work at work now.
The point of this is that my to do lists of late have been a lot of wedding planning stuff and cleaning. There is also a lot of "buy stuff for other people" on the list because everyone is born in the spring and summer plus everyone gets married then too. Stupid people... However, now I need to buy stuff for me too and I've run out of energy, funding, and the little bit of desire I've ever had to buy stuff for me besides nerdy things like books. I don't even want to go shoe shopping, which marks a sad moment for me as that is the only apparel item I've ever enjoyed purchasing. Unfortunately, I do need to go buy stuff, which adds to my to do list.
But the purpose of this rant is to explain that most of my major tasks for the wedding are completed. Almost all the vendors are at least hired, except the baker. That's the boys purview and he has FAILED to get this off his list. We are not cake eaters (he's at least a frosting eater, but even that leaves me less than enthused), so we have enlisted his sister and mother to come and help us pick the baker/cake. They are coming this weekend for that express purpose. HE STILL HASN'T SET UP APPOINTMENTS!!!! He's known for weeks and every day I NAG him which makes me feel like an ASS. I give him weekly to do lists and that's been on there since we've known when they're coming. Why is this so f-ing hard???? You get to cross it off your list when you've made the appointments. I even offered to just go ahead and make these calls myself just to get it done.
The worst part about all of this is that a couple of months ago we talked about how I'm not good at delegating or at least sharing tasks. I think that this only reinforces my feelings about why it is I don't and will only lead to more stress for me. I have been trying to share the burden (see the weekly to do list for him), but all that leads to is me nagging him to accomplish what I need for him to get done sooner because he procrastinates more than I do.
FRICK YOU BLOG SPOT!
There was about five more paragraphs that I'd typed but because I logged out of gmail got logged out of blogger and the paragraphs got deleted. So, those will be retyped later. I should do some work at work now.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Go Connecticut!
Outside the world of basketball, Connecticut is awesome for other reasons, too.
http://www.connpost.com/localnews/ci_12210238
http://www.connpost.com/localnews/ci_12210238
Monday, April 13, 2009
There used to be more to me then planning a wedding and going to work
So, this weekend was spent doing my taxes, working, hanging out with the boy's family (that's a whole post of ranting I'd rather not be a part of), and talking about the wedding with said family. I know that there was a time when I had interesting things to say about the state of the world, politics, sports, neighborhood bars, etc., but now I've become a sad sack of boring, limited to only one or two topics, neither of which are truly interesting to me. I apologize for that and will work on becoming more dynamic again, but only after I sign a contract with a florist and design my invitations...
On a work related note, I went out to "happy hour" on Thursday with a team of lawyers who have been spending an obscene number of hours on one case together. There were four men and two women, and that's when it hit me hard just how much of a boys club I'm hanging out it. I actually left the table at one point because of the way they were "flirting" with the waitress. It's was very uncomfortable for me, especially given that the primary instigator was not only the oldest member of our group, he is also my "mentor" and has two young kids at home. It was only made worse by the fact that the waitress did not get it. She was so oblivious to the lies and teasing and it made me sad for her.
Also, it was brought to my attention that 1) I am not cool and 2) my tolerance needs work if I am to be a successful networker. I was more directly shown 1 then 2 in that I don't go to any of the places that the other had ALL been to. This is a) because I don't travel out of my comfort zone as often as I could; b) because I don't believe in going to clubs and paying obscene amounts of money for sh*tty drinks; and c) because I don't believe that I should put on clothes that cost as much as my work clothes to go out. I wear jeans and flip-flops and go to places where the people are fun to watch and the servers know how to spot both a line and a way to mock the line giver. Call me what you will, I just like the snappy come-back of a girl who is clearly being hit on by skeevy old men. It brings me my bliss, and that should be enough.
Never mind that I didn't get home until after 1:00 am on a work night, can't recover from 6 glasses of wine like I used to, and had to be functional the next day. That did not make for a pleasant Friday. I am really glad that the boy is understanding and willing to drive up to where we were, leave his car about 20 minutes drive from our house and drive my sorry butt and my car back home so that I could get to work with my stuff the next day. He is very good to me. Also, he is willing to listen to drunken ranting and answer the same question 100 times in a 30 minute drive.
By the way, this blogging thing has been added to the mental list of things I shouldn't do, but do anyway, while at work. Facebook is on that list too...
Assess is not the same word as asses, no matter how fast you read it.
On a work related note, I went out to "happy hour" on Thursday with a team of lawyers who have been spending an obscene number of hours on one case together. There were four men and two women, and that's when it hit me hard just how much of a boys club I'm hanging out it. I actually left the table at one point because of the way they were "flirting" with the waitress. It's was very uncomfortable for me, especially given that the primary instigator was not only the oldest member of our group, he is also my "mentor" and has two young kids at home. It was only made worse by the fact that the waitress did not get it. She was so oblivious to the lies and teasing and it made me sad for her.
Also, it was brought to my attention that 1) I am not cool and 2) my tolerance needs work if I am to be a successful networker. I was more directly shown 1 then 2 in that I don't go to any of the places that the other had ALL been to. This is a) because I don't travel out of my comfort zone as often as I could; b) because I don't believe in going to clubs and paying obscene amounts of money for sh*tty drinks; and c) because I don't believe that I should put on clothes that cost as much as my work clothes to go out. I wear jeans and flip-flops and go to places where the people are fun to watch and the servers know how to spot both a line and a way to mock the line giver. Call me what you will, I just like the snappy come-back of a girl who is clearly being hit on by skeevy old men. It brings me my bliss, and that should be enough.
Never mind that I didn't get home until after 1:00 am on a work night, can't recover from 6 glasses of wine like I used to, and had to be functional the next day. That did not make for a pleasant Friday. I am really glad that the boy is understanding and willing to drive up to where we were, leave his car about 20 minutes drive from our house and drive my sorry butt and my car back home so that I could get to work with my stuff the next day. He is very good to me. Also, he is willing to listen to drunken ranting and answer the same question 100 times in a 30 minute drive.
By the way, this blogging thing has been added to the mental list of things I shouldn't do, but do anyway, while at work. Facebook is on that list too...
Assess is not the same word as asses, no matter how fast you read it.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I caved, and I was still right
Okay, so the three of you that still read this know that I caved to the peer pressure and signed up for facebook. It came from over a week's worth of conversations that all eventually turned back to something about facebook. It may have been an unconscious thing on my part, but really it was getting to me. So, I took the plunged, but largely because one person noted that there were some hilarious pictures of someone else and a goat. This, I must say, clinched it.
However, since signing up, I've noticed that I was right about a lot of things. 1) I don't keep up with it as much as other people do. Nor do I have any idea what to post on my page. Besides my profile picture, which has lead to a lot of wtf-esq comments, I have yet to post anything worthy of the five minutes it takes to get it up there. Also, I have limited pictures of myself as I don't believe in cameras in general. When I do have a camera, I take photos of others. When someone else has a camera, I hide. Therefore, I have no interesting photo albums to upload. Also, I don't do anything so why post anything about that... 2) um, I don't know a lot of the people well who are asking for friend requests. Seriously, most of my high school seems to be on facebook and I don't remember most of them in any real way. And there were only 65 people in my graduating class. I don't care what most of them are up to, or I would make it a point to keep track/e-mail/go to reunions with them. Some of them aren't even from my class year and want to be on my friends list. I don't even remember them AT ALL. Why on earth do they want to add me as I don't recall ever conversing in a meaningful way with any of them. Is this our latest version of competition, since most of us are no longer physically active in the United States? Ha, I have 300 friends on facebook and you only have 250?
What I do like about it is how many parents of young peoples have their entire photo section dedicated to pictures of their kids. This is awesome as I don't every get to see this little people in the real world, so at least I can get to know them virtually.
Other things of importance in my life: this whole wedding thing is getting to be a pretty solid picture. It is strange how the boy is so helpful about some things, but getting him to ask his grooms people is like asking him to set him self on fire. He keeps putting it off. Most of them are "typical" males, so it's not like there will be some long sentimental conversation that goes along with this question. Most will just be happy that he's asking them as they all appear to like me so don't disapprove of his decision to marry me. I understand the issues about choosing between friends, but for those that he knows he wants, what's the hold up?
Also, we have decided to purchase "starter" wedding bands. This is in part to reduce costs but it's also because I have no idea what I want and will likely want something custom made which just takes a lot of decision making on my part. I am not very good at decision making when it comes to picking out a restaurant/bar, so why on earth would I want to design something that will cost a lot to make all because of an arbitrary deadline of my wedding date. So, we will be getting rings and they will likely be made of titanium. I find that really cool. I am hoping to have a black stripe in mine. However, the problem I've encountered is that all metal bands are considered "male" only, therefore are all very wide, and "females" rings are expensive jewel encrusted bands according to the jewelry trade. This is wrong as I am not a diamond band type of girl. I put my hands into softball gloves. I don't want to remove my ring and thereby increase the chance of loosing a stone or the whole thing because of my lifestyle. So, that's more complication than I need. Also, I have the tiniest finger size so I'm trying to avoid a giant width of ring. But seriously, titanium seems like a cool thing.
Work is kicking my ass. I'm now regularly here from 8:30 - 8:00 pm. It good in that I still have job, but I'm tired all the time and am stressed out, which effects my relationship in a not as healthy as I personally am looking for. I have noticed that I get super annoyed quickly and without a real justification. However, the boy notices and asks why, but I'm not so open about it because I know that I'm just stressed out and tired.
Still, it'd be nice if he did the darn dishes everyone in a while...or, more accurately, if he would just do something around the house without me having to repeatedly ask for him to do it and then start doing it myself because it has gotten to be too long and then he asks if he can help. I just cannot win the outlasting game as I desire not to live in complete filth in order to win what I see as a battle of wills and what he sees as not a problem. Oh, and I've talked about this with him before and I have come to the conclusion that he will never get this. EVER. Still, I want to marry him, but apparently I just needed to vent in cyberspace.
Would it be inappropriate to quote The Princess Bride on my wedding invitations?
However, since signing up, I've noticed that I was right about a lot of things. 1) I don't keep up with it as much as other people do. Nor do I have any idea what to post on my page. Besides my profile picture, which has lead to a lot of wtf-esq comments, I have yet to post anything worthy of the five minutes it takes to get it up there. Also, I have limited pictures of myself as I don't believe in cameras in general. When I do have a camera, I take photos of others. When someone else has a camera, I hide. Therefore, I have no interesting photo albums to upload. Also, I don't do anything so why post anything about that... 2) um, I don't know a lot of the people well who are asking for friend requests. Seriously, most of my high school seems to be on facebook and I don't remember most of them in any real way. And there were only 65 people in my graduating class. I don't care what most of them are up to, or I would make it a point to keep track/e-mail/go to reunions with them. Some of them aren't even from my class year and want to be on my friends list. I don't even remember them AT ALL. Why on earth do they want to add me as I don't recall ever conversing in a meaningful way with any of them. Is this our latest version of competition, since most of us are no longer physically active in the United States? Ha, I have 300 friends on facebook and you only have 250?
What I do like about it is how many parents of young peoples have their entire photo section dedicated to pictures of their kids. This is awesome as I don't every get to see this little people in the real world, so at least I can get to know them virtually.
Other things of importance in my life: this whole wedding thing is getting to be a pretty solid picture. It is strange how the boy is so helpful about some things, but getting him to ask his grooms people is like asking him to set him self on fire. He keeps putting it off. Most of them are "typical" males, so it's not like there will be some long sentimental conversation that goes along with this question. Most will just be happy that he's asking them as they all appear to like me so don't disapprove of his decision to marry me. I understand the issues about choosing between friends, but for those that he knows he wants, what's the hold up?
Also, we have decided to purchase "starter" wedding bands. This is in part to reduce costs but it's also because I have no idea what I want and will likely want something custom made which just takes a lot of decision making on my part. I am not very good at decision making when it comes to picking out a restaurant/bar, so why on earth would I want to design something that will cost a lot to make all because of an arbitrary deadline of my wedding date. So, we will be getting rings and they will likely be made of titanium. I find that really cool. I am hoping to have a black stripe in mine. However, the problem I've encountered is that all metal bands are considered "male" only, therefore are all very wide, and "females" rings are expensive jewel encrusted bands according to the jewelry trade. This is wrong as I am not a diamond band type of girl. I put my hands into softball gloves. I don't want to remove my ring and thereby increase the chance of loosing a stone or the whole thing because of my lifestyle. So, that's more complication than I need. Also, I have the tiniest finger size so I'm trying to avoid a giant width of ring. But seriously, titanium seems like a cool thing.
Work is kicking my ass. I'm now regularly here from 8:30 - 8:00 pm. It good in that I still have job, but I'm tired all the time and am stressed out, which effects my relationship in a not as healthy as I personally am looking for. I have noticed that I get super annoyed quickly and without a real justification. However, the boy notices and asks why, but I'm not so open about it because I know that I'm just stressed out and tired.
Still, it'd be nice if he did the darn dishes everyone in a while...or, more accurately, if he would just do something around the house without me having to repeatedly ask for him to do it and then start doing it myself because it has gotten to be too long and then he asks if he can help. I just cannot win the outlasting game as I desire not to live in complete filth in order to win what I see as a battle of wills and what he sees as not a problem. Oh, and I've talked about this with him before and I have come to the conclusion that he will never get this. EVER. Still, I want to marry him, but apparently I just needed to vent in cyberspace.
Would it be inappropriate to quote The Princess Bride on my wedding invitations?
Monday, March 02, 2009
So much pressure...
Okay, so I know it's not cool to have this attitude, but I don't want to join facebook. Is that a crime? The boy has pointed out that most of my friends have facebook pages (so does he) and so do a large portion of my family. He also reminds me it's a way of keeping track of people who I haven't seen. I have been officially invited (i.e. by people who have facebook pages through their facebook accounts) to join no less than four times. However, I don't want to be a part of it.
I know that it probably would be good to join because of the ability to keep up with others, but considering how often I don't update this blog, what would be the possibility to keep better track of me. It would be one more obligation that I would have to keep and would fail to do so. Why do I need that right now? I barely e-mail people back and I certainly never remember to e-mail others spontaneously without a specific purpose/mass e-mail intent.
Plus, I know employers, clients, and the like would check on me. No matter how tasteful and appropriate my site would be, there would likely be some concern flagged somewhere. Even if I did mark it as private, some how I just don't trust the system.
What's the upside for me to start now? The last time I join one of these sites, no one used it after that (e.g. AOL IM; Friendster). As soon as I start a site, people will have moved on to the next cool way to make me feel inadequate in the area of keeping up my contact with others. Many of them have jumped to add twitter, which just seems like it would be boring for me to add: at work; at home watching TV; asleep. There you have the options, figure it out for yourself.
Until such time as I have been convinced that it is worth my investment of time (or my mom decides to join because it's that ubiquitous), I shall remain facebook profile free.
Stupid peer pressure...
In other news, I have spent more time at the dentist/orthodontist in the last three months then I have spent at the gym. Today, the trip to the ortho cost me at $30 parking ticket because they cannot properly estimate how long there appointments will take. I should know this by now, but I did feed the meter for an extra 20 minutes. To bad that I needed an extra 40 minutes (doubling the estimated appointment time). I'm sort of hella pissed about it too. Especially since they called and asked me to come in early but then I sat in the chair by myself until my original appointment time anyway. ARG! In addition, I have never had a ticket in my life, including parking tickets (excluding Grinnell College parking tickets, of which I had 1). From my four visits to the orthodontist, I've gotten two tickets out of the deal. One for a bad brake light (in the boy's car no less) and one for parking. BASTARDS!
I think that topic is getting me all worked up, and seeing as how I'm supposed to be working right now, I think I will stop my ranting.
I should be exploring the library's catalogue for something more interesting to read then The Knot's Guide to Weddings. Later!
I know that it probably would be good to join because of the ability to keep up with others, but considering how often I don't update this blog, what would be the possibility to keep better track of me. It would be one more obligation that I would have to keep and would fail to do so. Why do I need that right now? I barely e-mail people back and I certainly never remember to e-mail others spontaneously without a specific purpose/mass e-mail intent.
Plus, I know employers, clients, and the like would check on me. No matter how tasteful and appropriate my site would be, there would likely be some concern flagged somewhere. Even if I did mark it as private, some how I just don't trust the system.
What's the upside for me to start now? The last time I join one of these sites, no one used it after that (e.g. AOL IM; Friendster). As soon as I start a site, people will have moved on to the next cool way to make me feel inadequate in the area of keeping up my contact with others. Many of them have jumped to add twitter, which just seems like it would be boring for me to add: at work; at home watching TV; asleep. There you have the options, figure it out for yourself.
Until such time as I have been convinced that it is worth my investment of time (or my mom decides to join because it's that ubiquitous), I shall remain facebook profile free.
Stupid peer pressure...
In other news, I have spent more time at the dentist/orthodontist in the last three months then I have spent at the gym. Today, the trip to the ortho cost me at $30 parking ticket because they cannot properly estimate how long there appointments will take. I should know this by now, but I did feed the meter for an extra 20 minutes. To bad that I needed an extra 40 minutes (doubling the estimated appointment time). I'm sort of hella pissed about it too. Especially since they called and asked me to come in early but then I sat in the chair by myself until my original appointment time anyway. ARG! In addition, I have never had a ticket in my life, including parking tickets (excluding Grinnell College parking tickets, of which I had 1). From my four visits to the orthodontist, I've gotten two tickets out of the deal. One for a bad brake light (in the boy's car no less) and one for parking. BASTARDS!
I think that topic is getting me all worked up, and seeing as how I'm supposed to be working right now, I think I will stop my ranting.
I should be exploring the library's catalogue for something more interesting to read then The Knot's Guide to Weddings. Later!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
What the Frick!
There is a snow day in parts of San Diego County! Not where I live because here it is too close to the ocean to snow, but within my horizonal view, there is snow in the mountains and the schools are closed because of the snow.
Oh, and I think the high for Ohio was warmer then the high for here today.
What's up with that.
Oh, and I think the high for Ohio was warmer then the high for here today.
What's up with that.
Monday, February 09, 2009
So, how's the new year plans going
Well, clearly the "more blogging" part isn't going so good. I have been a little more organized about stuff, but even my subconscious is concerned. I had a dream last night that nothing was finished when it was time for the wedding, and I didn't realize it until stuff wasn't right. So, that was more than unsettling way to wake up, repeatedly.
So, my question, if anyone still reads this, is if there is a magical way in which to figure out which photographer to choose (besides by price)? I have met with two, and will meet with one more tomorrow, but I like some things about one and other things about the other. If they were combined into one person I think that I would totally hire that person. But, unfortunately such things are not yet possible, but I want this taken care of prior to the end of the month because the photos mean a lot to me.
Also, why is the dyson vacuum guy so compelling? I wish to own a vacuum made my him...wow that's good mind bending...
Monday, January 12, 2009
Honey, I'm home
Things I have managed to accomplish by not blogging
1. Watching more TV2. Working from home every night and on the weekends
3. Last minute Christmas shopping for more people than ever
4. Procrastinating until it cost a ridiculous amount of money to mail out said presents
5. Think about planning my wedding
6. Making a decision about said wedding's location and date
7. Clean the apartment - twice
8. Avoid any answering of wedding questions
9. Spend a lot of time with the boy's family over the holiday (and learning about the 85 different types of cholesterol medication because after me and the boy the next youngest family member was 62, seriously)
10. Hear from everyone talk about how cute, adorable, sweet, angelic and all-round entertaining my niece is
11. Go to my dad's inaugural ball/fund raiser for the arts and kids where everyone asked if I was the mother of previously mentioned angel child (my reply "No, I'm the other one")
12. Have the holidays quietly hurt because my mom's dad passed away two days before Christmas and I procrastinated so long that I did not send him my annual letter in which I would have told him I was getting married
Things I have not accomplished by not blogging
1. E-mailing people individually to say hello
2. Remember to call my family on a regular basis
3. Getting my Holiday cards out before new years
4. Enjoy the outdoors
5. Go to the gym
6. Sleep more
7. Get organized
8. Balance my checkbook
9. Cook more
10. Maintain a sense of balance between my work and my life
Things I plan to do in the new year (not resolutions, but expectations)
1. Blog more
2. Get organized
3. Read more fiction
4. Plan and get through my wedding
5. Go to the gym regularly, not regularly sporadically
6. Balance work with life
7. Visit my family
8. Reduce the procrastination
9. Spend less, give more
10. Use each month to teach myself to keep up with something that I consistently get behind in
11. Remain inspired to try to find something new to learn where ever and when ever I can
So, there you have it. Two months in a nut shell...or at least in an sketchy outline.
How many lists is too many?
Monday, November 17, 2008
An interesting take on why Prop 8 failed
I have read a lot about sex differences and what constitutes a gendered based bias, but I never thought about how it affects the gay-rights movement in a way outside of flat antigay bias. This article is therefore very interesting. Now if only it relate to the work I'm supposed to be doing...
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Can you find me...
So, I voted today. It was the first time that I voted at a voting booth. In Oregon, where I have voted since I was 18 (in almost every single election, I proudly add), the voting is all done by mail, so I have never been allowed to vote in a booth. Today, was only slightly not the same. My polling station was in some one's backyard. Seriously, that was weird. And only slightly more disappointing was that my "booth" was merely a cardboard stand with sort of tall partitioning wall which didn't even reach my eye height. Then I handed my ballot in a "privacy sleeve" (read as piece of white cardboard folded in half so as to cover the ballot) to a guy who then dropped it into a big cardboard box. So, that feels secure...
I have not watched news in three hours, mostly because I'm afraid that if I watch it will end up like the last two presidential elections. I just don't think that there's enough wine in the world to make that okay. Instead I'm watching VHS tapes of shows that I'm behind on. Yes I wrote VHS. We watch so many conflicting shows that we have to use the VCR to record a third channel, since the DVR can't record three channels at once. That's ridiculous, but there are other times when we don't record anything because there is a lot of bad TV that we don't watch. So, I'm getting caught up on my Biggest Loser fix in which I'm thinking I really I should be at the gym, not sitting on my couch.
Here's something amusing for you:
I have not watched news in three hours, mostly because I'm afraid that if I watch it will end up like the last two presidential elections. I just don't think that there's enough wine in the world to make that okay. Instead I'm watching VHS tapes of shows that I'm behind on. Yes I wrote VHS. We watch so many conflicting shows that we have to use the VCR to record a third channel, since the DVR can't record three channels at once. That's ridiculous, but there are other times when we don't record anything because there is a lot of bad TV that we don't watch. So, I'm getting caught up on my Biggest Loser fix in which I'm thinking I really I should be at the gym, not sitting on my couch.
Here's something amusing for you:
This is a clipped version of a larger wall of camouflage but I did not get permission from the other person in the picture (who isn't camouflaged in the picture) to put his image up. That picture is much funnier because he's "looking for me."
Why do some automatic toilets never automatically flush and why do others flush while you're still on them?
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Not anything about Europe
Okay, so I'm bad at this "blogging" thing. I understand that, but it's sort of ridiculous that I can't even post about things that are current because I'm spending all the few blogs that I do write on old trips.
So, here's some semi-recent news. I'm engaged (and have been for almost two months). So, I have been not planning my wedding because it's a big and expense task. Mostly because I'm apparently more traditional and snobby than I thought. Also because San Diego isn't cheap, no matter what you do.
I'm working now. I have no idea what I'm doing on a regular basis, but the people keep telling me that it's normal and okay thing. It should make me feel better, but it doesn't.
I also had to go on an orientation where I learned about communication and active listening. Then we had to go to fancy dinner with other new associates to the firm. Yeah, I'm glad I don't live in New York because a large number of those associates really irritated me because of how important they thought they were and how much better they thought they were. We work for the same firm, make the same pay, and started at the same time. You're not inherently better than me, so get over it.
I did get to see Laurie and her man, which was far superior. It's awesome to hear about what they're doing and how their lives are changing. Although, I seem to have stayed caught up because of the blogging. Live is always better, however.
That's pretty much it for now. I need to go to the grocery store now because I need food to eat.
So, here's some semi-recent news. I'm engaged (and have been for almost two months). So, I have been not planning my wedding because it's a big and expense task. Mostly because I'm apparently more traditional and snobby than I thought. Also because San Diego isn't cheap, no matter what you do.
I'm working now. I have no idea what I'm doing on a regular basis, but the people keep telling me that it's normal and okay thing. It should make me feel better, but it doesn't.
I also had to go on an orientation where I learned about communication and active listening. Then we had to go to fancy dinner with other new associates to the firm. Yeah, I'm glad I don't live in New York because a large number of those associates really irritated me because of how important they thought they were and how much better they thought they were. We work for the same firm, make the same pay, and started at the same time. You're not inherently better than me, so get over it.
I did get to see Laurie and her man, which was far superior. It's awesome to hear about what they're doing and how their lives are changing. Although, I seem to have stayed caught up because of the blogging. Live is always better, however.
That's pretty much it for now. I need to go to the grocery store now because I need food to eat.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
And then...
So, the last two stops on my European trip were Barcelona and Madrid. Barcelona was one of my favorite stops. The hotel was on La Rambla, and I had a lot of time to do my own thing. So, I chose to walk from La Rambla to the Gaudi Park, which I estimated to be a 4 to 6 kilometer walk, in one direction. It was well worth it because it was a great way to see the city in both it's touristy and real life and buildings. Below are pictures of the touristy parts:
This is me at Gaudi Park. It sits at the top (or near the top anyway) of a hill that over looks Barcelona. The benches here are really famous, and you can only see a little of them. Behind me is the house that looks like the gumdrop house from Candyland, but my big old head is in the way. Then there is the rest of Barcelona and then the Mediterranean Sea, which is a giant port.
This is my favorite Gaudi building. It is a representation of St. George slaying the dragon (it's a dragon on his pile of bones, e.g. the skull balconies). The picture does not do the building justice. It also made me root for the dragon, but that's more about me than the building or the story.
This is me at Gaudi Park. It sits at the top (or near the top anyway) of a hill that over looks Barcelona. The benches here are really famous, and you can only see a little of them. Behind me is the house that looks like the gumdrop house from Candyland, but my big old head is in the way. Then there is the rest of Barcelona and then the Mediterranean Sea, which is a giant port.
This is my favorite Gaudi building. It is a representation of St. George slaying the dragon (it's a dragon on his pile of bones, e.g. the skull balconies). The picture does not do the building justice. It also made me root for the dragon, but that's more about me than the building or the story.
This is the most famous of the Gaudi buildings, the Sagrada Familia. They've only been working on it for 120 years. I think they said it's about half done. The coolest part to me is that Gaudi determined the measurements of the building by hanging sandbags upside down on strings and then doing the conversions. It was a non-traditional method, to say the least. So much so that modern day architects were not sure if his measurements were correct, so they did the calculations using math (not sandbags) and Gaudi's measurements were exactly correct. Take that establishment! (Sorry, I'm trying balance the fact that I'm the man's lawyer and that I don't agree with the man on a lot of principles.)
The next stop was Madrid. This city got sold short because it was the last city on the trip, it was so hot, and it was the end of August -- meaning everything was closed. I was so tired of traveling and being with strangers (who weren't really strangers anymore). Also, almost all of the tour of the city was by bus, which doesn't feel organic so it's hard to get a good feel for the place. Also, I had to finish up the gift shopping which is only because I'm a big procrastinator. The awesomest part was visiting the Prado Museum with a local guide. She taught me a lot about the history of art and some truly amazing artists. My favorite was Goya but that's probably because he went through the most diverse periods and created new concepts on how art could express the world. Depression seems to change art in a profound way and it was coming through his depression that Goya created The Dog, which is the only poster I bought during my whole trip through art museums. Below are two of my pictures.
This statue is in front of the palace (yeah, I forget that Spain is a monarchy, too). The reason that it's cool is that it is the first statute where the horse is on its only standing on its back legs (the pose was taken from a portrait). The interesting part about this is that no one knew how they could get the statue to stand up. They had to have some Italian mathematicians do the math in order to figure out the geometry (they told me the name, which I recognized, but I can't remember who it was because it's been almost two months -- I think DaVinci, but that seems so obvious and therefore wrong, maybe Michelangelo). The picture is washed out because I don't know how to use my old school film based camera well enough. Most of my film pictures look like this (if they turned out at all -- stupid winding mechanism...).
This was the view of Madrid from my hotel room. It was the only room in the group on the 12th floor, so I had a phenomenal view, including the sunset. I did walk all around Madrid, mostly trying to find a tobacco shop so that I could buy the last few stamps I needed to mail out postcards to my family. That literally took five hours. I found stamps at a tobacco shop where the owner did not speak a bit of English (weird being in Spain and all) and I barely can say hello in Spanish. So a brief pantomime session later I got my stamps. Then I stopped at a pay phone to use up the last minutes on my phone card (because a phone at a five star hotel cannot accept a phone card !?!). After I hung up, having been cut off by using up all my time, I look down my shirt and saw that I had been pooped on by a bird. BASTARD BIRD! I had made it through the whole trip being warned about the probability of bird shite and I got pooped on on my last day!
So, that's my trip in short summary. I have forgotten a lot of details, but I have over a thousand pictures and a scrapbooking project to remind me. I will do another post or two about the road trip part, but you've now gotten a good taste of my trip. It was fun, interesting, exhausting, and a great way to introduce me to a couple of beautiful countries.
As for my first week at work, I'm strongly opposed to being awake for so long starting so early. I prefer the 10 am wake up. Also, my work clothes used to fit so much better. Stupid metabolism and fried chicken.
I am also officially a CA resident (new license and all) so I get to vote here now...but I also have to pay more attention to election news.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Now for October's post
I started another post while I was in MN, but since I was in charge of a baby, my computer time was limited. Then I was at my parent's house where my computer is not accepted by the network. Then I was home for two days and too lazy to do any updating, and then I was in VT for an intoxicating weekend. That's my excuse this time.
For those that have asked about the CA bar passage rate, the July 2007 passage rate for overall test takers was 56.1%, for first time takers it was 68.9%. For those who graduated from a CA ABA Approved school it was 75.9 %. So, that's where my confusion is based. There are tons more statistics out there, but that's why I'm nervous.
So, here's the next bit about my travels:
The next places I went were Florence and Monaco (staying in the area called Monte Carlo). Florence was an amazing city if you wanted to see art, even just walking through the streets it was amazing to look at the buildings and the art painted on the side of old buildings. They had a loggia full of statutes in the square where the David originally stood. I saw the David and I finally understand the appeal and renown. It’s just inspiring how realistic the statue was as far as depicting a fit young man. The biggest problem is that everything in Florence is copyright protected so you can only buy images, but you cannot take pictures of things. Stupid lawyers...
Here are some pictures from Florence:
This was the view from my hotel room. To the left, where the rest of the rooms were was the historic area, with the Basilica and Baptismal and Bell Tower. The bridge that looks like a building is where most of the jewelers in Florence are. It used to be where the butcher's had their shops, but the Duke decided that the blood, etc., that poured from the slaughtering into the river was not healthy and declared that only gold could sold from the bridge. It was right outside his windows, so I'm not surprised.
This is me in front of the Gates of Paradise, which are really the doors to the Baptismal which tell the bible stories in golden pictures. They are said to be called that because Michelangelo said that they were so pretty that they must be the gates of paradise when he first saw them. This is also where we had our first encounter with the gypsies. Not at all like what Disney portrays them as. It's much more sad.
This is my feet in the Mediterranean Sea. Now, I've only got a few oceans and seas left that my feet should touch. Some of them, however, I don't think that I want to put my feet in. But that's a different post.
For those that have asked about the CA bar passage rate, the July 2007 passage rate for overall test takers was 56.1%, for first time takers it was 68.9%. For those who graduated from a CA ABA Approved school it was 75.9 %. So, that's where my confusion is based. There are tons more statistics out there, but that's why I'm nervous.
So, here's the next bit about my travels:
The next places I went were Florence and Monaco (staying in the area called Monte Carlo). Florence was an amazing city if you wanted to see art, even just walking through the streets it was amazing to look at the buildings and the art painted on the side of old buildings. They had a loggia full of statutes in the square where the David originally stood. I saw the David and I finally understand the appeal and renown. It’s just inspiring how realistic the statue was as far as depicting a fit young man. The biggest problem is that everything in Florence is copyright protected so you can only buy images, but you cannot take pictures of things. Stupid lawyers...
Here are some pictures from Florence:
This was the view from my hotel room. To the left, where the rest of the rooms were was the historic area, with the Basilica and Baptismal and Bell Tower. The bridge that looks like a building is where most of the jewelers in Florence are. It used to be where the butcher's had their shops, but the Duke decided that the blood, etc., that poured from the slaughtering into the river was not healthy and declared that only gold could sold from the bridge. It was right outside his windows, so I'm not surprised.
This is me in front of the Gates of Paradise, which are really the doors to the Baptismal which tell the bible stories in golden pictures. They are said to be called that because Michelangelo said that they were so pretty that they must be the gates of paradise when he first saw them. This is also where we had our first encounter with the gypsies. Not at all like what Disney portrays them as. It's much more sad.
This is a replica of the original David, sitting where the original David was for centuries until someone "cleaned" the statute so well that it removed the marble's natural protective coat, ensuring that it will calcify and crumble in time. Now the real David is in a museum and this replica sits in front of the Duke's original palace, near the Uffizi (translates "office") Building where a bunch of amazing art was hung for the Duke and is now a museum which I wandered around.
We then went to Monaco, staying in Monte Carlo. I bought stamps, because everything else cost too much.
Here are some pictures:
This is my feet in the Mediterranean Sea. Now, I've only got a few oceans and seas left that my feet should touch. Some of them, however, I don't think that I want to put my feet in. But that's a different post.
This is the world famous Casino in Monte Carlo, from the backside. It costs money to gamble for reals; the more the door fee, the higher the stakes at the table. I went into the video gambling section which both has no dress code and no cover charge. Therefore, all they got from me was five Euros. However, other people from the group dropped off more of their wealth there.
These pictures represents the "standard" modes of transportation in Monaco. The cars are an Astin Martin and a Ferrari. The boats are huge, and I didn't get the biggest boats into the picture. So, that's why I bought stamps. Oh, and a drink, too. Monaco has a Formula-One race which is the big thing there and they were getting ready for the F-1 to come to town. So, there was apparently a guy who would take you along the road track in a Ferrari for 35 Euro. I didn't do that either.
I would note that in my excellent trip retelling skills, I've missed some in-between stops, which also have interesting landmarks. I have decided that I will simply make the "on the road" portion of my story a separate entry.
I would also note that my picture uploading to blog skills leave something to be desired. This entry took at least an hour to format properly. That's absurd. Never mind the spelling mistakes and now the reposting because of too many typos.
I am currently off to yet another wedding, this one in San Francisco, and then I start off on my new career of being the Man on Monday. Ah the trepidation and fear.
"And now time for something completely different." ~ Monty Python Flying Circus
Friday, September 19, 2008
Where am I?
So, I'm currently visiting Minneapolis. I woke up three times in the middle of the night and had minor panic attacks because I had no idea of where I was. Here's why. In the last four weeks, I've been in 11 cities. I've spent no more that four nights in any one of those cities. Never mind the nights on the train, where even when I think about it, I wouldn't have the opportunity to beginning to figure out where the heck I am, other than, I'm not at any of the destinations I'm trying to reach.
For those of you in the Chicago region who begged me to visit them, I'm sorry but I clearly didn't make. There is a possibility that I will be in the area sometime soon, and I'll let you know if it's going to work out in a more personal way, but I wanted to give you a public shout out that I'm sorry I didn't see you and I suck because of it.
There is so much to update people about, so I'll start with this: Italy is full of old stuff. Really cool old stuff. I saw a lot of it, and I took a stupidly large number of pictures while there. Here are a few of them.
This is the front of the Pantheon, the oldest still standing building in Rome. It was only saved because they altered it into a Christian church, which is the decor it still has. All the old statutes which were for the Roman gods, were removed and likely turning into mortar for new buildings.
For those of you in the Chicago region who begged me to visit them, I'm sorry but I clearly didn't make. There is a possibility that I will be in the area sometime soon, and I'll let you know if it's going to work out in a more personal way, but I wanted to give you a public shout out that I'm sorry I didn't see you and I suck because of it.
There is so much to update people about, so I'll start with this: Italy is full of old stuff. Really cool old stuff. I saw a lot of it, and I took a stupidly large number of pictures while there. Here are a few of them.
This is the front of the Pantheon, the oldest still standing building in Rome. It was only saved because they altered it into a Christian church, which is the decor it still has. All the old statutes which were for the Roman gods, were removed and likely turning into mortar for new buildings.
This is me in front of the famous Trevi Fountain. Go me.
These are some building in Venice. The one on the right is leaning because the foundation is made of petrified wood, as is all of Venice.
This is the Venetian graveyard. The people who founded Venice as a city of islands realized they needed to do something with the bodies, and they decided that they would just dedicate one island to burials. Now it is full and you must be a super important Venetian to be buried there.
So, that's a little update. Now I must e-mail people about working so that I can pay for this whole running around the world thing I've been doing.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Back to my old habits
Clearly, given my new found luxury time you would think that I'd at least update this blog more often, but some habits are old and hard to break. Procrastination is my old nemesis (just ask my parents) and therefore I put of to next week what I should be doing today. So, as per my habits, I am taking off for the European vacation on Sunday and I haven't packed, I have about fourteen errands to run, and I am not in my house right now.
I'm at the boy's parents' house. He's up here for work all week, so I thought I'd join him and sit in a vegetative state watching Olympics and reading. I've accomplished that along with developing a strong need to hide in corners and knots in my back. There is often a lot of tension here, and it's not unusual for the family to just sort of let it be that way, but for an outsider and potential in-law it is awkward and weird. More importantly, the boy's mom likes me a lot and talks to me about all of the behavior and some of the background, but it's in a conspiratorial and justifying sort of way. I better understand some of the dynamics but I see a lot of behaviors that I don't expect out of grown-ups. It doesn't help that my family doesn't openly deal with issues and the boy's family does (in a weird privately public sort of way). I don't really mean openly either because there's just a lot of bickering over really dumb things that sits on top of deeply rooted long term problems and "problem management" techniques which have clearly failed. Let's just say that in forty years from now, I truly hope that the boy and I don't have the same relationship his parents have and that our kids are different. I'm not saying I want it to be like my parent's house, but I certainly don't think that I have the genetic make-up to survive for forty years under this must tension and disappointment.
On a lighter note, I'm still working out my cross US trip. I'll probably get to Tucson, Chicago, DC, Minneapolis, and Portland. But, I really need to take care of the scheduling for all of that and see if some of my dear friends will let me crash with them after I get in at a train station at midnight-thirty. Also, I need to price it out because the "unlimited" rail pass is, in fact, not unlimited but only allows for four trips. As you can see, I'll need to make six. So I have to determine which ones I should do on a pass and which I should do out of pocket. Then I have to determine my schedule. It's a boat load of fun and I'm not that good at reading train schedules yet....
So, I'm gonna be gone for reals for about two weeks and then I'll be on the rails for about a month, followed by weekends spent at wedding and then I start to work and then I find out about the bar and then the Holidays. Hopefully, in the mean time I'll start updating here with regular postings about nothing and how it affects me.
I had a couple of good old fashion rants in my head, but I thought I'd start with a question:
How do they make sun-dried tomatoes? I mean, if I leave tomatoes in the sun, they just rot...
I'm at the boy's parents' house. He's up here for work all week, so I thought I'd join him and sit in a vegetative state watching Olympics and reading. I've accomplished that along with developing a strong need to hide in corners and knots in my back. There is often a lot of tension here, and it's not unusual for the family to just sort of let it be that way, but for an outsider and potential in-law it is awkward and weird. More importantly, the boy's mom likes me a lot and talks to me about all of the behavior and some of the background, but it's in a conspiratorial and justifying sort of way. I better understand some of the dynamics but I see a lot of behaviors that I don't expect out of grown-ups. It doesn't help that my family doesn't openly deal with issues and the boy's family does (in a weird privately public sort of way). I don't really mean openly either because there's just a lot of bickering over really dumb things that sits on top of deeply rooted long term problems and "problem management" techniques which have clearly failed. Let's just say that in forty years from now, I truly hope that the boy and I don't have the same relationship his parents have and that our kids are different. I'm not saying I want it to be like my parent's house, but I certainly don't think that I have the genetic make-up to survive for forty years under this must tension and disappointment.
On a lighter note, I'm still working out my cross US trip. I'll probably get to Tucson, Chicago, DC, Minneapolis, and Portland. But, I really need to take care of the scheduling for all of that and see if some of my dear friends will let me crash with them after I get in at a train station at midnight-thirty. Also, I need to price it out because the "unlimited" rail pass is, in fact, not unlimited but only allows for four trips. As you can see, I'll need to make six. So I have to determine which ones I should do on a pass and which I should do out of pocket. Then I have to determine my schedule. It's a boat load of fun and I'm not that good at reading train schedules yet....
So, I'm gonna be gone for reals for about two weeks and then I'll be on the rails for about a month, followed by weekends spent at wedding and then I start to work and then I find out about the bar and then the Holidays. Hopefully, in the mean time I'll start updating here with regular postings about nothing and how it affects me.
I had a couple of good old fashion rants in my head, but I thought I'd start with a question:
How do they make sun-dried tomatoes? I mean, if I leave tomatoes in the sun, they just rot...
Friday, August 01, 2008
Done
Well, I've finished the bar. My brain is broken as far as reasoning skills. But I hopefully will never need to do this again.
Some highlights from the bar:
There was an earthquake toward the end of the first essay writing section. We all felt it, the lights shook. The reaction of the entire room was to look around to see if we weren't imagining it and then to keep typing.
The second day I went into a bathroom stall at lunch and saw a fully enclosed package of trail mix in the toilet, and all I thought was "that sure went through fast." I'm sure that someone had dropped it in the toilet, but really my brain is amused with itself.
The final day nothing really happened to write about except I finished. That's all that matters.
Now, I get to wait until November to find out if I passed. Woo hoo.
Now for getting back to my life, which I don't really know what that means because I've been in school for so long that I haven't had this much time to myself.
I'm gonna go see a movie today. It's called Batman. I'm very excited...
Much love for all the thoughts and love and support.
My niece is one and see has the looks of a troublemaker who is gonna get away with a lot :)
Some highlights from the bar:
There was an earthquake toward the end of the first essay writing section. We all felt it, the lights shook. The reaction of the entire room was to look around to see if we weren't imagining it and then to keep typing.
The second day I went into a bathroom stall at lunch and saw a fully enclosed package of trail mix in the toilet, and all I thought was "that sure went through fast." I'm sure that someone had dropped it in the toilet, but really my brain is amused with itself.
The final day nothing really happened to write about except I finished. That's all that matters.
Now, I get to wait until November to find out if I passed. Woo hoo.
Now for getting back to my life, which I don't really know what that means because I've been in school for so long that I haven't had this much time to myself.
I'm gonna go see a movie today. It's called Batman. I'm very excited...
Much love for all the thoughts and love and support.
My niece is one and see has the looks of a troublemaker who is gonna get away with a lot :)
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