Whatnot and Stuff

The never ending to do list

2009-04-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

I write to do lists because I am not organized enough to remember things (including names, dates, and places). I also write them because I enjoy crossing things off them. Personally, I'm surprised that I don't write "write to do list" on my to do list just so I can cross if off when I'm done. I do however write things on them so that I can immediately cross them off because they would have been on the list if I'd written the list before I did the task -- which I recognize is not necessarily rational but it helps me sleep at night.

The point of this is that my to do lists of late have been a lot of wedding planning stuff and cleaning. There is also a lot of "buy stuff for other people" on the list because everyone is born in the spring and summer plus everyone gets married then too. Stupid people... However, now I need to buy stuff for me too and I've run out of energy, funding, and the little bit of desire I've ever had to buy stuff for me besides nerdy things like books. I don't even want to go shoe shopping, which marks a sad moment for me as that is the only apparel item I've ever enjoyed purchasing. Unfortunately, I do need to go buy stuff, which adds to my to do list.

But the purpose of this rant is to explain that most of my major tasks for the wedding are completed. Almost all the vendors are at least hired, except the baker. That's the boys purview and he has FAILED to get this off his list. We are not cake eaters (he's at least a frosting eater, but even that leaves me less than enthused), so we have enlisted his sister and mother to come and help us pick the baker/cake. They are coming this weekend for that express purpose. HE STILL HASN'T SET UP APPOINTMENTS!!!! He's known for weeks and every day I NAG him which makes me feel like an ASS. I give him weekly to do lists and that's been on there since we've known when they're coming. Why is this so f-ing hard???? You get to cross it off your list when you've made the appointments. I even offered to just go ahead and make these calls myself just to get it done.

The worst part about all of this is that a couple of months ago we talked about how I'm not good at delegating or at least sharing tasks. I think that this only reinforces my feelings about why it is I don't and will only lead to more stress for me. I have been trying to share the burden (see the weekly to do list for him), but all that leads to is me nagging him to accomplish what I need for him to get done sooner because he procrastinates more than I do.

FRICK YOU BLOG SPOT!

There was about five more paragraphs that I'd typed but because I logged out of gmail got logged out of blogger and the paragraphs got deleted. So, those will be retyped later. I should do some work at work now.

Go Connecticut!

2009-04-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

Outside the world of basketball, Connecticut is awesome for other reasons, too.

http://www.connpost.com/localnews/ci_12210238

There used to be more to me then planning a wedding and going to work

2009-04-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend was spent doing my taxes, working, hanging out with the boy's family (that's a whole post of ranting I'd rather not be a part of), and talking about the wedding with said family. I know that there was a time when I had interesting things to say about the state of the world, politics, sports, neighborhood bars, etc., but now I've become a sad sack of boring, limited to only one or two topics, neither of which are truly interesting to me. I apologize for that and will work on becoming more dynamic again, but only after I sign a contract with a florist and design my invitations...

On a work related note, I went out to "happy hour" on Thursday with a team of lawyers who have been spending an obscene number of hours on one case together. There were four men and two women, and that's when it hit me hard just how much of a boys club I'm hanging out it. I actually left the table at one point because of the way they were "flirting" with the waitress. It's was very uncomfortable for me, especially given that the primary instigator was not only the oldest member of our group, he is also my "mentor" and has two young kids at home. It was only made worse by the fact that the waitress did not get it. She was so oblivious to the lies and teasing and it made me sad for her.

Also, it was brought to my attention that 1) I am not cool and 2) my tolerance needs work if I am to be a successful networker. I was more directly shown 1 then 2 in that I don't go to any of the places that the other had ALL been to. This is a) because I don't travel out of my comfort zone as often as I could; b) because I don't believe in going to clubs and paying obscene amounts of money for sh*tty drinks; and c) because I don't believe that I should put on clothes that cost as much as my work clothes to go out. I wear jeans and flip-flops and go to places where the people are fun to watch and the servers know how to spot both a line and a way to mock the line giver. Call me what you will, I just like the snappy come-back of a girl who is clearly being hit on by skeevy old men. It brings me my bliss, and that should be enough.

Never mind that I didn't get home until after 1:00 am on a work night, can't recover from 6 glasses of wine like I used to, and had to be functional the next day. That did not make for a pleasant Friday. I am really glad that the boy is understanding and willing to drive up to where we were, leave his car about 20 minutes drive from our house and drive my sorry butt and my car back home so that I could get to work with my stuff the next day. He is very good to me. Also, he is willing to listen to drunken ranting and answer the same question 100 times in a 30 minute drive.

By the way, this blogging thing has been added to the mental list of things I shouldn't do, but do anyway, while at work. Facebook is on that list too...

Assess is not the same word as asses, no matter how fast you read it.

I caved, and I was still right

2009-03-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the three of you that still read this know that I caved to the peer pressure and signed up for facebook. It came from over a week's worth of conversations that all eventually turned back to something about facebook. It may have been an unconscious thing on my part, but really it was getting to me. So, I took the plunged, but largely because one person noted that there were some hilarious pictures of someone else and a goat. This, I must say, clinched it.

However, since signing up, I've noticed that I was right about a lot of things. 1) I don't keep up with it as much as other people do. Nor do I have any idea what to post on my page. Besides my profile picture, which has lead to a lot of wtf-esq comments, I have yet to post anything worthy of the five minutes it takes to get it up there. Also, I have limited pictures of myself as I don't believe in cameras in general. When I do have a camera, I take photos of others. When someone else has a camera, I hide. Therefore, I have no interesting photo albums to upload. Also, I don't do anything so why post anything about that... 2) um, I don't know a lot of the people well who are asking for friend requests. Seriously, most of my high school seems to be on facebook and I don't remember most of them in any real way. And there were only 65 people in my graduating class. I don't care what most of them are up to, or I would make it a point to keep track/e-mail/go to reunions with them. Some of them aren't even from my class year and want to be on my friends list. I don't even remember them AT ALL. Why on earth do they want to add me as I don't recall ever conversing in a meaningful way with any of them. Is this our latest version of competition, since most of us are no longer physically active in the United States? Ha, I have 300 friends on facebook and you only have 250?

What I do like about it is how many parents of young peoples have their entire photo section dedicated to pictures of their kids. This is awesome as I don't every get to see this little people in the real world, so at least I can get to know them virtually.

Other things of importance in my life: this whole wedding thing is getting to be a pretty solid picture. It is strange how the boy is so helpful about some things, but getting him to ask his grooms people is like asking him to set him self on fire. He keeps putting it off. Most of them are "typical" males, so it's not like there will be some long sentimental conversation that goes along with this question. Most will just be happy that he's asking them as they all appear to like me so don't disapprove of his decision to marry me. I understand the issues about choosing between friends, but for those that he knows he wants, what's the hold up?

Also, we have decided to purchase "starter" wedding bands. This is in part to reduce costs but it's also because I have no idea what I want and will likely want something custom made which just takes a lot of decision making on my part. I am not very good at decision making when it comes to picking out a restaurant/bar, so why on earth would I want to design something that will cost a lot to make all because of an arbitrary deadline of my wedding date. So, we will be getting rings and they will likely be made of titanium. I find that really cool. I am hoping to have a black stripe in mine. However, the problem I've encountered is that all metal bands are considered "male" only, therefore are all very wide, and "females" rings are expensive jewel encrusted bands according to the jewelry trade. This is wrong as I am not a diamond band type of girl. I put my hands into softball gloves. I don't want to remove my ring and thereby increase the chance of loosing a stone or the whole thing because of my lifestyle. So, that's more complication than I need. Also, I have the tiniest finger size so I'm trying to avoid a giant width of ring. But seriously, titanium seems like a cool thing.

Work is kicking my ass. I'm now regularly here from 8:30 - 8:00 pm. It good in that I still have job, but I'm tired all the time and am stressed out, which effects my relationship in a not as healthy as I personally am looking for. I have noticed that I get super annoyed quickly and without a real justification. However, the boy notices and asks why, but I'm not so open about it because I know that I'm just stressed out and tired.

Still, it'd be nice if he did the darn dishes everyone in a while...or, more accurately, if he would just do something around the house without me having to repeatedly ask for him to do it and then start doing it myself because it has gotten to be too long and then he asks if he can help. I just cannot win the outlasting game as I desire not to live in complete filth in order to win what I see as a battle of wills and what he sees as not a problem. Oh, and I've talked about this with him before and I have come to the conclusion that he will never get this. EVER. Still, I want to marry him, but apparently I just needed to vent in cyberspace.

Would it be inappropriate to quote The Princess Bride on my wedding invitations?

So much pressure...

2009-03-02T16:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know it's not cool to have this attitude, but I don't want to join facebook. Is that a crime? The boy has pointed out that most of my friends have facebook pages (so does he) and so do a large portion of my family. He also reminds me it's a way of keeping track of people who I haven't seen. I have been officially invited (i.e. by people who have facebook pages through their facebook accounts) to join no less than four times. However, I don't want to be a part of it.

I know that it probably would be good to join because of the ability to keep up with others, but considering how often I don't update this blog, what would be the possibility to keep better track of me. It would be one more obligation that I would have to keep and would fail to do so. Why do I need that right now? I barely e-mail people back and I certainly never remember to e-mail others spontaneously without a specific purpose/mass e-mail intent.

Plus, I know employers, clients, and the like would check on me. No matter how tasteful and appropriate my site would be, there would likely be some concern flagged somewhere. Even if I did mark it as private, some how I just don't trust the system.

What's the upside for me to start now? The last time I join one of these sites, no one used it after that (e.g. AOL IM; Friendster). As soon as I start a site, people will have moved on to the next cool way to make me feel inadequate in the area of keeping up my contact with others. Many of them have jumped to add twitter, which just seems like it would be boring for me to add: at work; at home watching TV; asleep. There you have the options, figure it out for yourself.

Until such time as I have been convinced that it is worth my investment of time (or my mom decides to join because it's that ubiquitous), I shall remain facebook profile free.

Stupid peer pressure...

In other news, I have spent more time at the dentist/orthodontist in the last three months then I have spent at the gym. Today, the trip to the ortho cost me at $30 parking ticket because they cannot properly estimate how long there appointments will take. I should know this by now, but I did feed the meter for an extra 20 minutes. To bad that I needed an extra 40 minutes (doubling the estimated appointment time). I'm sort of hella pissed about it too. Especially since they called and asked me to come in early but then I sat in the chair by myself until my original appointment time anyway. ARG! In addition, I have never had a ticket in my life, including parking tickets (excluding Grinnell College parking tickets, of which I had 1). From my four visits to the orthodontist, I've gotten two tickets out of the deal. One for a bad brake light (in the boy's car no less) and one for parking. BASTARDS!

I think that topic is getting me all worked up, and seeing as how I'm supposed to be working right now, I think I will stop my ranting.

I should be exploring the library's catalogue for something more interesting to read then The Knot's Guide to Weddings. Later!

What the Frick!

2009-02-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

There is a snow day in parts of San Diego County! Not where I live because here it is too close to the ocean to snow, but within my horizonal view, there is snow in the mountains and the schools are closed because of the snow.

Oh, and I think the high for Ohio was warmer then the high for here today.

What's up with that.

So, how's the new year plans going

2009-02-09T22:16:00.000-08:00

Well, clearly the "more blogging" part isn't going so good. I have been a little more organized about stuff, but even my subconscious is concerned. I had a dream last night that nothing was finished when it was time for the wedding, and I didn't realize it until stuff wasn't right. So, that was more than unsettling way to wake up, repeatedly.

So, my question, if anyone still reads this, is if there is a magical way in which to figure out which photographer to choose (besides by price)? I have met with two, and will meet with one more tomorrow, but I like some things about one and other things about the other. If they were combined into one person I think that I would totally hire that person. But, unfortunately such things are not yet possible, but I want this taken care of prior to the end of the month because the photos mean a lot to me.

Also, why is the dyson vacuum guy so compelling? I wish to own a vacuum made my him...wow that's good mind bending...

Honey, I'm home

2009-01-12T23:13:00.000-08:00

Things I have managed to accomplish by not blogging

1. Watching more TV

2. Working from home every night and on the weekends

3. Last minute Christmas shopping for more people than ever

4. Procrastinating until it cost a ridiculous amount of money to mail out said presents

5. Think about planning my wedding

6. Making a decision about said wedding's location and date

7. Clean the apartment - twice

8. Avoid any answering of wedding questions

9. Spend a lot of time with the boy's family over the holiday (and learning about the 85 different types of cholesterol medication because after me and the boy the next youngest family member was 62, seriously)

10. Hear from everyone talk about how cute, adorable, sweet, angelic and all-round entertaining my niece is

11. Go to my dad's inaugural ball/fund raiser for the arts and kids where everyone asked if I was the mother of previously mentioned angel child (my reply "No, I'm the other one")

12. Have the holidays quietly hurt because my mom's dad passed away two days before Christmas and I procrastinated so long that I did not send him my annual letter in which I would have told him I was getting married

Things I have not accomplished by not blogging

1. E-mailing people individually to say hello

2. Remember to call my family on a regular basis

3. Getting my Holiday cards out before new years

4. Enjoy the outdoors

5. Go to the gym

6. Sleep more

7. Get organized

8. Balance my checkbook

9. Cook more

10. Maintain a sense of balance between my work and my life

Things I plan to do in the new year (not resolutions, but expectations)

1. Blog more

2. Get organized

3. Read more fiction

4. Plan and get through my wedding

5. Go to the gym regularly, not regularly sporadically

6. Balance work with life

7. Visit my family

8. Reduce the procrastination

9. Spend less, give more

10. Use each month to teach myself to keep up with something that I consistently get behind in

11. Remain inspired to try to find something new to learn where ever and when ever I can

So, there you have it. Two months in a nut shell...or at least in an sketchy outline.

How many lists is too many?

An interesting take on why Prop 8 failed

2008-11-17T14:06:00.000-08:00

I have read a lot about sex differences and what constitutes a gendered based bias, but I never thought about how it affects the gay-rights movement in a way outside of flat antigay bias. This article is therefore very interesting. Now if only it relate to the work I'm supposed to be doing...

Can you find me...

2008-11-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

So, I voted today. It was the first time that I voted at a voting booth. In Oregon, where I have voted since I was 18 (in almost every single election, I proudly add), the voting is all done by mail, so I have never been allowed to vote in a booth. Today, was only slightly not the same. My polling station was in some one's backyard. Seriously, that was weird. And only slightly more disappointing was that my "booth" was merely a cardboard stand with sort of tall partitioning wall which didn't even reach my eye height. Then I handed my ballot in a "privacy sleeve" (read as piece of white cardboard folded in half so as to cover the ballot) to a guy who then dropped it into a big cardboard box. So, that feels secure...

I have not watched news in three hours, mostly because I'm afraid that if I watch it will end up like the last two presidential elections. I just don't think that there's enough wine in the world to make that okay. Instead I'm watching VHS tapes of shows that I'm behind on. Yes I wrote VHS. We watch so many conflicting shows that we have to use the VCR to record a third channel, since the DVR can't record three channels at once. That's ridiculous, but there are other times when we don't record anything because there is a lot of bad TV that we don't watch. So, I'm getting caught up on my Biggest Loser fix in which I'm thinking I really I should be at the gym, not sitting on my couch.

Here's something amusing for you:

This is a clipped version of a larger wall of camouflage but I did not get permission from the other person in the picture (who isn't camouflaged in the picture) to put his image up. That picture is much funnier because he's "looking for me."

Why do some automatic toilets never automatically flush and why do others flush while you're still on them?

Not anything about Europe

2008-11-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm bad at this "blogging" thing. I understand that, but it's sort of ridiculous that I can't even post about things that are current because I'm spending all the few blogs that I do write on old trips.

So, here's some semi-recent news. I'm engaged (and have been for almost two months). So, I have been not planning my wedding because it's a big and expense task. Mostly because I'm apparently more traditional and snobby than I thought. Also because San Diego isn't cheap, no matter what you do.

I'm working now. I have no idea what I'm doing on a regular basis, but the people keep telling me that it's normal and okay thing. It should make me feel better, but it doesn't.

I also had to go on an orientation where I learned about communication and active listening. Then we had to go to fancy dinner with other new associates to the firm. Yeah, I'm glad I don't live in New York because a large number of those associates really irritated me because of how important they thought they were and how much better they thought they were. We work for the same firm, make the same pay, and started at the same time. You're not inherently better than me, so get over it.

I did get to see Laurie and her man, which was far superior. It's awesome to hear about what they're doing and how their lives are changing. Although, I seem to have stayed caught up because of the blogging. Live is always better, however.

That's pretty much it for now. I need to go to the grocery store now because I need food to eat.

And then...

2008-10-21T21:19:00.000-07:00

So, the last two stops on my European trip were Barcelona and Madrid. Barcelona was one of my favorite stops. The hotel was on La Rambla, and I had a lot of time to do my own thing. So, I chose to walk from La Rambla to the Gaudi Park, which I estimated to be a 4 to 6 kilometer walk, in one direction. It was well worth it because it was a great way to see the city in both it's touristy and real life and buildings. Below are pictures of the touristy parts:

This is me at Gaudi Park. It sits at the top (or near the top anyway) of a hill that over looks Barcelona. The benches here are really famous, and you can only see a little of them. Behind me is the house that looks like the gumdrop house from Candyland, but my big old head is in the way. Then there is the rest of Barcelona and then the Mediterranean Sea, which is a giant port.

This is my favorite Gaudi building. It is a representation of St. George slaying the dragon (it's a dragon on his pile of bones, e.g. the skull balconies). The picture does not do the building justice. It also made me root for the dragon, but that's more about me than the building or the story.

This is the most famous of the Gaudi buildings, the Sagrada Familia. They've only been working on it for 120 years. I think they said it's about half done. The coolest part to me is that Gaudi determined the measurements of the building by hanging sandbags upside down on strings and then doing the conversions. It was a non-traditional method, to say the least. So much so that modern day architects were not sure if his measurements were correct, so they did the calculations using math (not sandbags) and Gaudi's measurements were exactly correct. Take that establishment! (Sorry, I'm trying balance the fact that I'm the man's lawyer and that I don't agree with the man on a lot of principles.)

The next stop was Madrid. This city got sold short because it was the last city on the trip, it was so hot, and it was the end of August -- meaning everything was closed. I was so tired of traveling and being with strangers (who weren't really strangers anymore). Also, almost all of the tour of the city was by bus, which doesn't feel organic so it's hard to get a good feel for the place. Also, I had to finish up the gift shopping which is only because I'm a big procrastinator. The awesomest part was visiting the Prado Museum with a local guide. She taught me a lot about the history of art and some truly amazing artists. My favorite was Goya but that's probably because he went through the most diverse periods and created new concepts on how art could express the world. Depression seems to change art in a profound way and it was coming through his depression that Goya created The Dog, which is the only poster I bought during my whole trip through art museums. Below are two of my pictures.

This statue is in front of the palace (yeah, I forget that Spain is a monarchy, too). The reason that it's cool is that it is the first statute where the horse is on its only standing on its back legs (the pose was taken from a portrait). The interesting part about this is that no one knew how they could get the statue to stand up. They had to have some Italian mathematicians do the math in order to figure out the geometry (they told me the name, which I recognized, but I can't remember who it was because it's been almost two months -- I think DaVinci, but that seems so obvious and therefore wrong, maybe Michelangelo). The picture is washed out because I don't know how to use my old school film based camera well enough. Most of my film pictures look like this (if they turned out at all -- stupid winding mechanism...).

This was the view of Madrid from my hotel room. It was the only room in the group on the 12th floor, so I had a phenomenal view, including the sunset. I did walk all around Madrid, mostly trying to find a tobacco shop so that I could buy the last few stamps I needed to mail out postcards to my family. That literally took five hours. I found stamps at a tobacco shop where the owner did not speak a bit of English (weird being in Spain and all) and I barely can say hello in Spanish. So a brief pantomime session later I got my stamps. Then I stopped at a pay phone to use up the last minutes on my phone card (because a phone at a five star hotel cannot accept a phone card !?!). After I hung up, having been cut off by using up all my time, I look down my shirt and saw that I had been pooped on by a bird. BASTARD BIRD! I had made it through the whole trip being warned about the probability of bird shite and I got pooped on on my last day!

So, that's my trip in short summary. I have forgotten a lot of details, but I have over a thousand pictures and a scrapbooking project to remind me. I will do another post or two about the road trip part, but you've now gotten a good taste of my trip. It was fun, interesting, exhausting, and a great way to introduce me to a couple of beautiful countries.

As for my first week at work, I'm strongly opposed to being awake for so long starting so early. I prefer the 10 am wake up. Also, my work clothes used to fit so much better. Stupid metabolism and fried chicken.

I am also officially a CA resident (new license and all) so I get to vote here now...but I also have to pay more attention to election news.

Now for October's post

2008-10-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

I started another post while I was in MN, but since I was in charge of a baby, my computer time was limited. Then I was at my parent's house where my computer is not accepted by the network. Then I was home for two days and too lazy to do any updating, and then I was in VT for an intoxicating weekend. That's my excuse this time.

For those that have asked about the CA bar passage rate, the July 2007 passage rate for overall test takers was 56.1%, for first time takers it was 68.9%. For those who graduated from a CA ABA Approved school it was 75.9 %. So, that's where my confusion is based. There are tons more statistics out there, but that's why I'm nervous.

So, here's the next bit about my travels:

The next places I went were Florence and Monaco (staying in the area called Monte Carlo). Florence was an amazing city if you wanted to see art, even just walking through the streets it was amazing to look at the buildings and the art painted on the side of old buildings. They had a loggia full of statutes in the square where the David originally stood. I saw the David and I finally understand the appeal and renown. It’s just inspiring how realistic the statue was as far as depicting a fit young man. The biggest problem is that everything in Florence is copyright protected so you can only buy images, but you cannot take pictures of things. Stupid lawyers...

Here are some pictures from Florence:

This was the view from my hotel room. To the left, where the rest of the rooms were was the historic area, with the Basilica and Baptismal and Bell Tower. The bridge that looks like a building is where most of the jewelers in Florence are. It used to be where the butcher's had their shops, but the Duke decided that the blood, etc., that poured from the slaughtering into the river was not healthy and declared that only gold could sold from the bridge. It was right outside his windows, so I'm not surprised.

This is me in front of the Gates of Paradise, which are really the doors to the Baptismal which tell the bible stories in golden pictures. They are said to be called that because Michelangelo said that they were so pretty that they must be the gates of paradise when he first saw them. This is also where we had our first encounter with the gypsies. Not at all like what Disney portrays them as. It's much more sad.

This is a replica of the original David, sitting where the original David was for centuries until someone "cleaned" the statute so well that it removed the marble's natural protective coat, ensuring that it will calcify and crumble in time. Now the real David is in a museum and this replica sits in front of the Duke's original palace, near the Uffizi (translates "office") Building where a bunch of amazing art was hung for the Duke and is now a museum which I wandered around.

We then went to Monaco, staying in Monte Carlo. I bought stamps, because everything else cost too much.

Here are some pictures:

This is my feet in the Mediterranean Sea. Now, I've only got a few oceans and seas left that my feet should touch. Some of them, however, I don't think that I want to put my feet in. But that's a different post.

This is the world famous Casino in Monte Carlo, from the backside. It costs money to gamble for reals; the more the door fee, the higher the stakes at the table. I went into the video gambling section which both has no dress code and no cover charge. Therefore, all they got from me was five Euros. However, other people from the group dropped off more of their wealth there.

These pictures represents the "standard" modes of transportation in Monaco. The cars are an Astin Martin and a Ferrari. The boats are huge, and I didn't get the biggest boats into the picture. So, that's why I bought stamps. Oh, and a drink, too. Monaco has a Formula-One race which is the big thing there and they were getting ready for the F-1 to come to town. So, there was apparently a guy who would take you along the road track in a Ferrari for 35 Euro. I didn't do that either.

I would note that in my excellent trip retelling skills, I've missed some in-between stops, which also have interesting landmarks. I have decided that I will simply make the "on the road" portion of my story a separate entry.

I would also note that my picture uploading to blog skills leave something to be desired. This entry took at least an hour to format properly. That's absurd. Never mind the spelling mistakes and now the reposting because of too many typos.

I am currently off to yet another wedding, this one in San Francisco, and then I start off on my new career of being the Man on Monday. Ah the trepidation and fear.

"And now time for something completely different." ~ Monty Python Flying Circus

Where am I?

2008-09-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

So, I'm currently visiting Minneapolis. I woke up three times in the middle of the night and had minor panic attacks because I had no idea of where I was. Here's why. In the last four weeks, I've been in 11 cities. I've spent no more that four nights in any one of those cities. Never mind the nights on the train, where even when I think about it, I wouldn't have the opportunity to beginning to figure out where the heck I am, other than, I'm not at any of the destinations I'm trying to reach.

For those of you in the Chicago region who begged me to visit them, I'm sorry but I clearly didn't make. There is a possibility that I will be in the area sometime soon, and I'll let you know if it's going to work out in a more personal way, but I wanted to give you a public shout out that I'm sorry I didn't see you and I suck because of it.

There is so much to update people about, so I'll start with this: Italy is full of old stuff. Really cool old stuff. I saw a lot of it, and I took a stupidly large number of pictures while there. Here are a few of them.

This is the front of the Pantheon, the oldest still standing building in Rome. It was only saved because they altered it into a Christian church, which is the decor it still has. All the old statutes which were for the Roman gods, were removed and likely turning into mortar for new buildings.

This is me in front of the famous Trevi Fountain. Go me.

These are some building in Venice. The one on the right is leaning because the foundation is made of petrified wood, as is all of Venice.

This is the Venetian graveyard. The people who founded Venice as a city of islands realized they needed to do something with the bodies, and they decided that they would just dedicate one island to burials. Now it is full and you must be a super important Venetian to be buried there.

So, that's a little update. Now I must e-mail people about working so that I can pay for this whole running around the world thing I've been doing.

Back to my old habits

2008-08-15T17:15:00.000-07:00

Clearly, given my new found luxury time you would think that I'd at least update this blog more often, but some habits are old and hard to break. Procrastination is my old nemesis (just ask my parents) and therefore I put of to next week what I should be doing today. So, as per my habits, I am taking off for the European vacation on Sunday and I haven't packed, I have about fourteen errands to run, and I am not in my house right now.

I'm at the boy's parents' house. He's up here for work all week, so I thought I'd join him and sit in a vegetative state watching Olympics and reading. I've accomplished that along with developing a strong need to hide in corners and knots in my back. There is often a lot of tension here, and it's not unusual for the family to just sort of let it be that way, but for an outsider and potential in-law it is awkward and weird. More importantly, the boy's mom likes me a lot and talks to me about all of the behavior and some of the background, but it's in a conspiratorial and justifying sort of way. I better understand some of the dynamics but I see a lot of behaviors that I don't expect out of grown-ups. It doesn't help that my family doesn't openly deal with issues and the boy's family does (in a weird privately public sort of way). I don't really mean openly either because there's just a lot of bickering over really dumb things that sits on top of deeply rooted long term problems and "problem management" techniques which have clearly failed. Let's just say that in forty years from now, I truly hope that the boy and I don't have the same relationship his parents have and that our kids are different. I'm not saying I want it to be like my parent's house, but I certainly don't think that I have the genetic make-up to survive for forty years under this must tension and disappointment.

On a lighter note, I'm still working out my cross US trip. I'll probably get to Tucson, Chicago, DC, Minneapolis, and Portland. But, I really need to take care of the scheduling for all of that and see if some of my dear friends will let me crash with them after I get in at a train station at midnight-thirty. Also, I need to price it out because the "unlimited" rail pass is, in fact, not unlimited but only allows for four trips. As you can see, I'll need to make six. So I have to determine which ones I should do on a pass and which I should do out of pocket. Then I have to determine my schedule. It's a boat load of fun and I'm not that good at reading train schedules yet....

So, I'm gonna be gone for reals for about two weeks and then I'll be on the rails for about a month, followed by weekends spent at wedding and then I start to work and then I find out about the bar and then the Holidays. Hopefully, in the mean time I'll start updating here with regular postings about nothing and how it affects me.

I had a couple of good old fashion rants in my head, but I thought I'd start with a question:

How do they make sun-dried tomatoes? I mean, if I leave tomatoes in the sun, they just rot...

Done

2008-08-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I've finished the bar. My brain is broken as far as reasoning skills. But I hopefully will never need to do this again.

Some highlights from the bar:

There was an earthquake toward the end of the first essay writing section. We all felt it, the lights shook. The reaction of the entire room was to look around to see if we weren't imagining it and then to keep typing.

The second day I went into a bathroom stall at lunch and saw a fully enclosed package of trail mix in the toilet, and all I thought was "that sure went through fast." I'm sure that someone had dropped it in the toilet, but really my brain is amused with itself.

The final day nothing really happened to write about except I finished. That's all that matters.

Now, I get to wait until November to find out if I passed. Woo hoo.

Now for getting back to my life, which I don't really know what that means because I've been in school for so long that I haven't had this much time to myself.

I'm gonna go see a movie today. It's called Batman. I'm very excited...

Much love for all the thoughts and love and support.

My niece is one and see has the looks of a troublemaker who is gonna get away with a lot :)

Frick the Bar and Everything Associated with it....

2008-07-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail,
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, FRICK THE BAR!!!!!
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail,
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I CANNOT LEARN THIS STUFF
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail,
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I HATE IT IN THE STUDY PLACE
I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail . . .

You're now privy to the contents of my brain. You'll note, being the smart people you are, that nothing in there is actually going to help me, like the bits and pieces of the law that I'm supposed to know or be learning right now.

I am subjecting myself to this test on Tuesday through Thursday. I will either be dead or asleep after that. Therefore, if you don't hear from me in early August, you will know that I'm dead.

Much love and thanks for any positive mental energy you have spared for me this summer. One thought of goodness on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday would be noticed, I'm certain.

KISSES!

Well, now I'm just scared

2008-07-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

I don't feel at all prepared for the bar and because of that, I'm too nervous to study effectively. Why is my body and my mind not working to solve this problem, and instead it's making everything worse. STUPID BRAIN, BE MORE SMART.

I just wanted to vent, and now back to not updating.

Procrastination and Nervous Breakdowns

2008-06-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

Well. I am a month from the bar . . . awwwwwww freak out.

So, I create a slightly less stressed me, I have selected part of my "post-bar" trip. I am doing what a lot of other smart people did when they were young and unafraid and going to Europe. Since I am now old and fearful, I am using a tour group to "guide" me from place to place. I.e. I'm staying in decent hotels, which a strong likelihood of a private bathroom, I will have a guide nearby to ask questions about the cities I'm in, some of my meals are taken care of, and my luggage will be handled by someone in order to get me from place to place. I know, I know, I sold out and should have tried the whole Eurorail & hostel route. However, I'm alone on this trip and don't make friends easily. Also, I fit the horrible US citizen stereotype and only speak Americanized English. Lord help me, I'm sorry I just did not learn languages, ever. To let you all in on where I'm going, the trip includes Venice, Rome, Monte Carlo, Barcelona and Madrid. Each place is at least two days, and most are two nights. The tour group provides some orientation and "hard to get" tours for the group and then lets you spend your time being lost in Europe. Plus, there is forced interaction with other members of the tour at the group dinners. Hopefully, it will help me to get to a lot of places and see a lot of stuff.

I am sad that I won't get to other places, such as the rest of Europe, but to my knowledge it's not going anywhere and I doubt all the ruins and castles will disappear before my next opportunity to travel.

Next, I'm trying to figure out a way to go all over this fine nation and visit many of the lovely people I know. There are far to many of you living in places that no one else resides any longer. If you could, please, I would appreciate it if everyone I know would just move to the same location. Also, I'm trying to figure out how I can afford to do all this without a job. However, I think that I'm going to do something that I've, oddly enough, always wanted to do, and get a US Rail Pass for Amtrak and see this fine country by rail. I know it's not likely to be beautiful everywhere, but it will be an experience. It's also super cheap when compared to flying/driving to all the places I wish to go.

Finally, I've decided that I'm only really allowed to procrastinate in order to take care of real things, like financing, travel plans, talking to my family, etc. and no longer am allowed to read for fun. Also, I will be limiting all other "entertainment" until I'm either, less likely to cry when I perform a practice test and fail to achieve 50% correct, feel truly prepared to take the bar, or the bar is over. More than likely the last, the former are just likely to get worse as I continue down the spiral of frustration and horror that has become my studying of late.

PS Don't go to grad school, it costs way freaking too much in the end...

An Open Letter to Food Stuffs Makers

2008-06-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Sirs and Madames:

Please stop making the bags in which you place your various food items, such as cereal, goldfish crackers, and the like, out of material that is weaker than the glue with which the bag is sealed shut. It is already difficult enough to open said bags properly given the Herculean effort necessary just to start the opening process, but then to have a giant tear in the wrong direction makes the process of eating your food, or more accurately getting your food into a dish, all the more frustrating. Therefore, the entire process, from start to finish of eating your bagged food becomes annoying.

While some might suggest that I simply use scissors instead, I say that you are the ones who recommend peeling the bags open at the glue strip, therefore the issue is yours to fix. Besides, it didn't used to be this way when I was little. I could open a bag correctly when I was little. Now that I'm older, it seems that you've improved your glue, but left the bag weaker and more subject to tearing.

Thank you for your efforts to improve this problem.

Sincerely,

Girl with too many bags of food which require extra sealing...

So much pain

2008-06-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

So, in my effort at procrastinating, oh and to get healthier, I have started attending the gym with the boy. I dropped my membership that I wasn't using and joined at his gym which was cheaper. Now, I feel "motivated" to go, in that way that he's going, and he will encourage me to go. The boy is also a former personal trainer at a gym, so he's put together a routine for me. I have pain in the strangest places. And there are certain things that I have to do which just don't feel good anymore, like sitting up or reaching for things. But it's a good sort of pain.

There's a statement that doesn't make sense "good pain." Unless that's your thing. If it is I recommend starting over at the gym. If it's not, then you're with me on the fact that the statement "good pain" makes no sense. Productive pain sort of makes sense, like childbirth is, apparently, productive pain. It is pain that encourages you to get that alien parasite out of you, which is important. Or like an infection, it's telling you to get rid of the bad stuff, even if that includes cutting your arm off. Productive pain in relation to the gym is the light soreness that you feel more when your using your body to do normal things, it reminds you that your body isn't as strong as it used to be and that it is in my power to fix.

Now, if only I could find a way to apply that to my bar studies. It's just a matter of making myself sick to a realistic schedule which will really help me study. The hardest part is just reading and rereading stuff so that I can commit a lot of information to memory. It's not as easy to stay focused for extended periods of time to get myself to really read through the information. Instead I find my mind wandering or my eyes slowly closing as I fall asleep. I need something that will cause me to be un-distracted and want to read through this stuff. Perhaps I need a better sense of impending doom.

Perhaps instead of writing you people I should go study now.

Where does the time go?

2008-06-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

So, I was doing good with the updating for about two weeks there, and then bam, back to my old habits. So very shocking for the rest of you, I'm sure.

I am currently enmeshed in my bar review classes. I spend 4-8 hours in class almost everyday -- including today, a Saturday -- and then I'm expected to study for 6-8 hours outside class. I'm averaging 2-3 hours of extra studying. That's just not going to cut the mustard kids. However, I haven't really felt the pressure I'm starting feel now. Now, I'm actually giving myself hard line hourly assignments and cracking the proverbial whip. I'm up to about 4 hours a day. I think that I need to find a way to motivate myself that doesn't end in the night terrors. I also need to stop finding excuses and just lock myself in my study room and demand more of myself. I mean, it's less than two months now, and I don't want to do this again...

However, I did distract myself with an excellent weekend at a certain persons bachelorette party last weekend. It was a lot of time spent NOT studying, but it was an awesome time and I'm really glad I did it. Especially since I can't make it to her wedding. Something about she did not want to schedule it around my bar exam!?!

So, that's where I'm at. I'll try to put updating this on my schedule regularly to avoid the two month gaps I normally end up with.

It's really too bad that the weather is so nice right now...

I have good moral character

2008-05-28T16:07:00.000-07:00

officially! The bar requires an in depth background check of all potential attorneys seeking to be barred in California. I passed. Go me!

Now, the only thing between me and the taking over of the world is a three day (18 hour) test for which I'm not anywhere near prepared, and the statistics of passing are not as favorable as some odds I've seen on long-shot horses. Okay, it's not that messed up, but only 75% of first time test takers pass, and the passing grade would be a failing grade in the real world...but in the real world, I would look up the answer in a book or in a case, not try to tell you the law from my brain. Because I'm gonna be a responsible professional (I passed that earlier).

Okay, I've got to finish folding laundry so that I can fold some more laundry and then pretend to study.

P.S. I am pleased with this year's American Idol winner. I'm not sure how that makes me feel about my life...

P.P.S. First post without a spelling error when spell checked.

I totally stole this!

2008-05-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Laurie for the link, I just had to know who I really am:

Your Score: The Geek

You scored 50 anxiety, 78 awkwardness, and 58 neuroticism!

You stick out like a sore thumb, with your social awkwardness and mildly neurotic behaviors--but you don't let it get you down! You are The Geek, and are here to prove that people who know the first 1000 digits of pi and try to woo dates by talking about calculators can be happy too! You have friends...and they are probably just as odd as you.

Your low anxiety score implies that you are able to relax, can enjoy the here and now, and have a healthy amount of self-confidence.

Your high awkwardness score implies that you are socially inept, probably stick out from the crowd, and perhaps feel uncomfortable in large groups of people, such as at parties. Your high neuroticism score implies that you exhibit neurotic behaviors--probably fanatic obsessions, counting compulsions, or other geekish tendencies. You may know every word to LOTR, or draw anime of all your friends.

See the other results!

For the original test go to this site.

Tooting my horn

2008-05-21T15:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, so sorry for the delay, but I wanted to let everyone know I officially graduated on Saturday. I now have extra letters after my name. Go me! And now for the semi-bragging, I graduated cum laude (top 15%). Yeah for me! I worked really hard and if I had tried a little hard this last semester, I probably could have been higher, but so what?

Now I am studying for the bar. It is not fun and I don't want to talk about. Nor do I seem to want to do it. Today is the first day I made it to the library to study after class, and all I've managed to do is surf the internets. Mind you, I haven't had a connect to the internet since Friday when our stupid cable company did something stupid and I haven't been able to get on the world wide web since then. So, now I'm at the library with the wifi and the distraction and here I am, updating my blog.

For graduation weekend, my mom & dad, sister & niece, and the boy's parents all came to see me. It was exhausting. Mostly because mom, dad, sister & niece all stayed with me and the boy, so the boy and I slept on an air mattress in the living room. Oh, and graduation was at 9 am, which meant we had to be there by 7:45 am. What is wrong with people? I had to rent a minivan. I'm not really minivan material quite yet. It is too big and I can't see out the windows. It was good to see my family, but it was also good to see them go. I just haven't felt like I've had time to myself, not that I do now, with the bar studying.

However, I would simply state that my niece is very cute and getting somewhat speedy on the crawling and grabbing and general fascination which everything she's not supposed to touch. She also did not cry at all through my two plus hour graduation. She slept. I wanted to, too. We also took her for her first "swim" in our apartment pool. She didn't cry at all, except when we put the sunscreen on her before we went down stair. It was largely because she wanted to play with the sunscreen stick, but she wasn't allowed because it was necessary to hold the stick in order to apply the sunscreen. See the dilemma. Apparently, her newest "trick" is to cry when she doesn't get what she wants. It's hard for my sister because she tries to not give in, but then there are six other adults who aren't her parents around giving in.

For those of you who care, my dad won the election he was in. It was a very big deal to him, and thus to me and my family. I'm terribly proud of my dad and who he is. Politics, however, you stink, despite your provision of my earliest jobs.

Anyway, much love to the two of you still reading.

Time off

2008-05-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I finished my finals on Saturday. Here's how I have spent my time off: making a list of things to do and not really accomplishing them. It's awesome, except that I start my first (of three) bar review classes on Saturday. (BTW, who schedules a bar review class to start on a Saturday????)

Here is a sample of my to do list:

Clean office
Clean living room
Clean bathrooms
Clean bedroom
Clean kitchen
Balance checkbook since October
Plan post-bar trip
Organize files
Pick up graduation robe

In sum, my post finals to do list is LAME (fyi, for those who care the "clean x" portion of the list is all of the rooms in my apartment, and it's gross). So here is what I've accomplished: got drunk (twice), read a fun book, looked at the internet for everything but the vacation, gone to school to help on an article I'm editing for the journal, watched tv, and um... oh I did clean my office and my bedroom. It took WAY too long, but I am cleaning with the intent that it be still good in a week and a half for when my fam roles into town for graduation. My niece is coming! However, she has moved to the stage in life that involves crawling everywhere and sticking everything in her mouth. This means I have to move things like cords and choking hazards to places that she can't get them. Mind you I understand that she comes up to my mid calf and her reach probably goes to my knee, but we are not a baby friendly environment and we have an inordinate amount of wires wandering around the house. This comes from the insistence of the boy of having a home where he can do his work. So inconsiderate.

I also managed to pick up my grad robe. I get to wear a purple hood and that's cool. Apparently the theology PhD.s get blood red hoods, which the guy handing them out pointed out was the most appropriate thing because more wars have been started in the name of religion than anything else. Fairly clever for a guy who almost cut himself twice opening and closing the safety on his box opening razor.

So now, I must stop procrastinating and go to bed, in a very clean room (it's where my parents are going to be sleeping).

PS I'm also now convinced that the online game systems cheat to make me lose too. And not the geek-sheik online world of games like "world of warcraft" but games like yahoo's mahjong.

Despite what my gchat message says...

2008-05-02T14:39:00.000-07:00

I am procrastinating. My last final is on Saturday (tomorrow) morning at 8:30am. I don't want to study for it any more. Not that I have for the last day & a half. So, to feel like I'm closer to studying, I sit at my computer and have studies related items up and the internet. And some sort of "came with my computer card game." This leads me to the real reason for my post.

I am 95% sure that the free computer version of hearts cheats. How else would the "person" who is giving me cards always get dealt the Queen of Hearts? How is the only way to ruin my perfect hand is for the exact card of the leading "person" just played to be in their hand? How else do you explain my running out of low spades every time when the only "person" left to play is the one with the queen? How is it statistically possible that the cards go that way until I close it and reopen it with a new name? It's like it tracks my play and if I have the possibility of winning more than once it starts to make the other "players" magically good players?

Okay, okay, okay. It's paranoia better spent studying, so I'm gonna go try to do that now.

PS Thanks to the fans who checked in to say they still read me :) I love you guys!

One down, one to go . . .

2008-04-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

So, I've taken one final. The harder final. The final that I knew I wasn't prepared for. I didn't bomb it. I just didn't ace it either, but I'm okay with that. It was hard, but I finished. For example of the difficulty here is a paraphrase of the last question, which details removed:

If case X (decided 19xx, p. xxx in text) was decided five years later, what additional issue would the court have had to address and how would that have changed the analysis.

UMMMMM...

Thank goodness it was open book, so I could just start flipping through to read the dates of decision of later cases that might be relevant. I figured out something, and so I could answer the question, but well...we'll see how well.

So, now I have one more test to take. It's a 100 question True/False test. Seriously, I'm a little scared of that because I know that those sorts of questions aren't actually easy when that's all you're being tested on. Especially when it comes to ethics. Ethics very rarely test your knowledge when the issues are black and white. Instead, you have to look at the nuanced gray areas to really determine if you understand the crux of the issue. So, to then get to the issues by asking true/false questions only means that you can't get away with explaining the issue and then making you decision, you have to choose...I don't want to choose...blah.

Other than that, I'm starting bar prep classes in a week and a half. On a Saturday. What the crap? Why couldn't they wait til Monday?

I'm also starting to exercise more. This is good because for the first time in my life I'm really not happy with my body. I'm getting fat in certain areas. I'm clearly not fit. My clothes and I struggle on a regular basis. Therefore, I really need to work on making myself okay with my body. On way to do that is to exercise. The other is to diet. Not really diet, but to eat consciously. I have found that I'm not really not paying a lot of attention to what I'm eating and what's in it. I've started eating a LOT of processed food. That's not good for you because there is a whole lot of extra crap in there that you can't pronounce and don't put in when you cook. So, now I'm trying to cook more using whole foods and known ingredients. I'm not perfect, but it's a start.

So, that's what's up with me right now. What's up with you? Does anyone read this anymore?

My Last Law School Class

2008-04-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

So, today is the last day of classes for me in my entire law school career. I'm torn because I do love being in school, and I think that I've finally figured out some of the stuff that I want to study and become an "expert in," which is not necessarily related to the type of law that I would practice. However, I'm not so big on the trend of "I have no money because the only money I have the bank gave me and they seem to think I'll give it back soon." I've accepted that I've sold out, and I'm looking forward to the fee that comes with it, for now at least.

I started to write this post while I was still in class, but I also took notes, so class is done now, and so am I. The professor ended class discussing when we will face the conflict between our ethical obligations and our moral senses and how we will face that. Maybe I'm less torn because I don't know if I can sacrifice my morality in order to be a "good" lawyer. Perhaps school would be better for me...

The point of all of this is that my graduation is in a month (exactly a month, actually) and then I have to study for and take the bar. After that I'll have done everything I have to do to become a lawyer (provided I pass the bar which I won't know until November). This is a very scary reality because I've like being insulated from the real world in a very real way. I watch the national and local news on Monday for the first time in years (not counting "Meet the Press" or "The Chris Matthews Sunday Show") and it was a little disheartening that I have to deal with that sooner rather than later.

Also, I have been seriously considering looking to buy a home because market conditions might lead to affordability. Turns out that "areas such as San Diego" haven't really had the pricing hit and will rebound sooner plus they are getting choosy about who they extend credit to. So, I may be living in my nearly section 8 housing where my downstairs neighbors have reported us to the management for being too loud late at night and we are living under threat of potential eviction until we can afford to get an ungodly sum of money for a down payment on a way over priced home that has a commute of an hour. I love southern california...

Plus, I need to buy a car. I'm currently driving my parent's car because they have had an extra car because of daughters in college mooching off them for years now, but I feel like once I join the "real world" I should sit down and buy my first car. That requires figuring what kind of car I want, how long I plan on having it, if I want to go used or new, if I want a hybrid, how much I can afford, blah, blah, blah...

Oh, and I still need to finish my paper and take my finals. Plan my summer carefully so I can go to places when I need to, but not miss my bar classes, and still have some money from the extra loan I took out in order to afford all of this so that I can start paying off the loans that are coming due. I don't like this adult real world.

Sorry, about that rant. I'll be better later. I don't know when later is going to be, but it will happen.

Woo hoo!

2008-04-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

It is official, I have the potential to be an ethical lawyer! I passed the ethics test, and I was only 4 points below the mean score! That's a rate of 13 points over the score I needed in order to be considered "passed" for the bar.

That is all for now.

So much to say, but so much procrastination...

2008-03-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been away from here for a while. I'd say I am sorry, but that would merely be repeating myself and patronizing you. So here's a brief update of what's going on.

After I got sick the boy got sick because he didn't think it was fair that I had all the attention for so long. But, because he is who he is, he got sick bigger and better than me. His sick required multiple doctors and actual procedures. The biggest problem is that he is self employed and has not bothered to get himself insured for the health "care." So, not only is he out work from that stretch of time where he couldn't move without screaming in pain, he needs the money he could have made to pay for the necessary care. Also, I don't know how long I can put up with sick people, but apparently it's about 5 minutes to 5 seconds depending on how many days you've been broken. Yeah, I'm ready for kids. Do you see how nurturing that is?

Then there was the school stuff. It was a lot and it's not getting any less and the senioritis is getting worse. blahhhhhhh. I did write a 27 page draft of a paper in about 2 days, and I got 4 hours of sleep.

I took the first steps to taking the bar. There is a lot of stuff that they really don't tell you that you have to do and how expensive it's going to be. Things I've accomplished include filling out a lot of paperwork. For example:
I have filled out my moral character application in which I must swear that I'm not so shifty that I won't be a good lawyer (insert standard lawyer joke here). This includes needing to get five non-relative references, one of whom must be a licensed attorney. Thank goodness that I had a summer job, because that means I know a real lawyer.
Then I took the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam, or MPRE, which is a three hour test or your ethics knowledge. You have to get less than 50% to pass. It's essentially hoping that you fill in bubbles well enough that you don't look unethical. I do, however, know people who I don't think are stupid, who failed to pass...
I applied to take the CA State Bar Exam. It cost a lot of money and if I don't get to take it here, I have to take it in another city and it will be far away. BOOOOO.

That's about half an update. I have my spring break to talk about. I will drop this hint about that story: I did something that most people would never expect of me in Las Vegas that has nothing to do with gambling, strippers, or hookers, in fact it has nothing do with the location, it just happened within the county which could pique interest. Any guesses?

I been sooo sick

2008-02-13T10:43:00.000-08:00

So, I have had this terrible chest cold that's recently added fever and chills to the gut wrenching coughing and the mucus train. When I first caught the cold I made the joke that it was because of my allergy nasal spray because I got a cold the last time I took it. Well, it turns out one the "mild" side affects of the said product is in fact viral infection according to the commercial I just say. May I just note that a week and a half of this crap is not mild, and is, in fact, one of the grossest illnesses I've had. Stupid side affects... Thanks the chemists for NyQuil and it's generic counterparts...

Other than that I've been very busy with school stuff. Mostly, I've been working on an editing project for the law journal trying to insure that the 1000+ sources the author cited are correctly cited. It's boring and it sucks. I regret applying for the position.

I just wanted to update you as to my current excuse for not updating. I think that I'm gonna go pass out now...

I got my oil changed...

2008-01-28T14:15:00.000-08:00

So, I try to talk to my parents once a week, more for their peace of mind than anything else. But, sometimes when we talk, I have nothing say, and we end up talking about weather. I am very interested in the weather, but I just cannot focus on a conversation for more than a minute when that's all that's up for discussion. Similarly, I do not focus when people tell me stories but cannot remember the important details, like the name of the person you ran into who I used to work with 8 years ago who is blond and short, well shorter than you anyway, or when you insist upon only discussing where the mucus is in your head. I'm just not that tolerant, especially when I'm tired. This is what happened last night while I was talking and my dad asked if he had called in the middle of an interesting show. He hadn't, and in fact there was almost nothing on last night (Damn the Strike!!!!). So, apparently I was just really tired. Mostly, all I could think to say is that the only thing going on with me was that I had gotten the oil changed in the car and then went to Costco. That was, in fact, the highlight of my week. And this week does not seem like it will be more interesting. At least there will be politics to complain about.

Since I clearly have nothing going on in my life, I will share the following about other people who I know who probably don't read this blog...

My friend from high school had her baby. Woo hooo! I've yet to receive pictures.

Friends of the boy's son fell down at pre-school in such a way that he has a spiral fracture high on his femur (near the hip joint). He is two years old (but the size of a four year old) and is in a "full body cast." Apparently, a full body cast isn't as full as it sounds. He has both arms free, a whole for stuffing diapers in, an open tummy area, and the lower half of one (the non-broken) leg is free. Oddly, his mom says he hasn't been too fussy about it, and for the last two weeks has entertained himself well enough. She suspects its because he doesn't know enough to be truly upset about it. I think they're dosing him because he's one of the most active little boys I have seen (not that I've seen a lot of little boys, but he does not stop until he is exhausted enough to go to bed, and even then it's chaos). BTW, I don't really think that, but it sounded funnier.

The boy has taken to calling my niece the "alien baby" because "she is too little." I informed him that apparently she is a "peanut baby" because my sister said so. He continues to disagree...
Because my niece is just another Gerber looking baby, I will post the following picture of me and her from Christmas, which is now my background on my computer...

I'm sorry, but when did my family get so Nordic?

The difference between "organic ranch dressing" and normal ranch dressing...bits of onion.

And then....

2008-01-15T08:52:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I left off telling you about my trip home. To summarize, my niece is cute but vomits, my parents have a better social life than me, my best friend from high school was a big as a house and will explode with a baby soon, and questions about marriage are awkward and weird when asked by anyone.

Actually, the issue of getting married only came up a couple of times, once with the boy there and once without. I don't know why I'm uncomfortable with this topic, but really the boy and I talk about getting married pretty openly. He's all for running to Vegas for a planning free wedding. I don't think that's really what I want. But, we don't have a date and idea for the wedding, and I haven't been asked yet -- although the boy keeps saying stuff about it just out of my hearing to other people...he's not as subtle as he thinks. For me, the wedding seems a mere formality and an excuse to make all of my friends come and party with me. But it seems very important to a lot of other people. Don't know why.

So, then we came back here to San Diego. The boy's best friend from college was in town and we hung out with him on New Years Eve. We went to Dave and Busters, which is like Chuckie Cheese's for grown ups (you can play ski ball with a gin and tonic). We only intended to go for happy hour and dinner then we would go home for a quiet and relaxed evening of watching movies. Well, some how midnight rolled around and we were still there and I was very, very intoxicated. I switched to drinking waters. At some point I talked to some of my very good friends who were together, but then I hung up because apparently I'd forgotten to inform the boy and his friend that I was going outside to talk on the phone and they sort of freaked out because they couldn't find me. I would swear that I told them while they were playing one of the games, but that is neither here nor there. I think that I said I would call my friends back, but I didn't and I know I didn't talk to everyone. I am sorry about that and hope you all had plenty of fun in the Vermont snow. Feel free to rant at me via e-mail...

So, then school started last week. I haven't gotten all of my student loans, and therefore have no money. So, I have been quietly staying at home and watching the TV and pretending to get through my reading. Really, I do the reading, but I'm not really paying a lot of attention to it. It's more like skimming with highlighter than anything else. This weekend, however, there were free parties to attend, and I actually went to a party at a house of my fellow law students. There was much fun because I watched other people play this game based on guitar hero, but with a drum set and microphone. You compete as a band to become a rock band hero. It is fun to watch people play this while they drink. Things are just more serious yet much sloppier.

And now I'm at the library not studying for my classes today. I'm sure that this space will go back to my traditional rant about the whole wide world soon, but I just thought I'd finish up my "where I've been for the last three months" post.

If you could go see anything in Europe, where would you go?

So, um, I do update this blog . . .

2008-01-07T10:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I just doubled checked the last time I updated, and I owe the two of you who still check this site an apology. I thought that I'd at least put something up about my birthday, but I didn't. Also, I never told you that I finished my finals, but that I don't have the will to study anymore, but I didn't do that either. Then I could have mentioned bringing the boy home for the holidays and seeing my niece, but I haven't done that either... In all, I really have dropped the ball the last two months. So, sorry. Here is a brief recap of November 22 to around Christmas.

I turned 30 on my birthday (as opposed to changing my age on a date not related to my birthday). I also had my last class on the same day. It was an evening class. So, on my 30th birthday, I learned about insider trading, but not enough to remember that I learned about insider trading without going to my notes to figure it out. After that I went out for a few beers with people from law school. I was pleasantly surprised at who showed up for a drink and I conveniently did not have to pay for any of it. Woohoo for friends. Plus a lot of friends who aren't around sent me birthday wishes. This gave me warm fuzzies on the inside and may me be okay with the fact that I've lived yet another decade. And that's all I have to say about that.

After my birthday, there were finals (about six days after my birthday, in fact). I had a final, then a paper, then another final. I finished all of them. I was not pleased with my performance on any of them. Stupid lack of time management skills...But, then I was done. Oh, and I have severe senioritis.

Then it was time to get ready for Christmas and going home for two weeks. This involved buying presents for even more people then any year. Mostly I spoilt my niece because it's very easy to do. However there were my parents, my sister and her husband, my niece, the boys parents, the boy's sister and her husband, the boy's aunt (who always gives me something), and the boy. Plus there are the friends who are having babies, the boy's friends who throw gatherings and invite us all the time, and the gift exchange. Then I had to send the holiday cards to my family, friends, the boy's family, and the boy's friends. If you didn't get one and you think you know me well enough, it's probably because I don't have your snail mail address. Or I sent it and it came back to me because I don't have an up-to-date address. Plus, the boy got me a Christmas tree, and I had to decorate it (btw -- this is not a chore it's a fun filled project of joy for me).

Then I went to the boy's friends annual Christmas party. It's hard for me because I don't really fit in, in part because I don't try to fit in and in part because I'm just not a standard girl. I don't really know most of the people that are there, and some of them I don't actually like very much. There are people who don't like each other for whatever reason, there are people who fight with each other -- oh and they're married to each other, there are people who drink too much every time they go out, and there are people who are just closed off to new people. Plus, I don't feel comfortable with new people, even though I've been to this party for the past three years...Then there is the gift exchange, which always ends up giving me the crappy gift. (For example, this year I picked up the car cleaning and detailing kit, which would be great but I live in an apartment without a way of cleaning my card. I actually regifted this present.) Then the boy insists on staying until the bitter end so that we can help clean. This year, I was cleaning while three of the wives were sitting around talking (one of whom is trying to stay pregnant, so I felt that was acceptable). Most of the husbands helped, and the single guys, too, but a couple of them just sat around and kept drinking. While that annoyed me, what galled me is that only one of them said thank you, and he helped to clean... End of rant...

Then I went home for the holidays. My dad took me to a lot of events and then there was the wine tasting at my parents house, then the boy came up, then we went to more events, then there was Christmas morning, then my sister and her family showed up that afternoon and we had the gift opening, then Christmas dinner with my family and another family who is like the other half of our family, then I got a cold, then we had our family photo -- including the boy -- done by the professional photographer, then the boy went home, then I saw my best friend from high school who is eight months pregnant, and then I slept on the plane. Highlights included:
a) a man from a group my dad belongs to asking if I was his wife
b) a women from the same group told me she thought I was 18
c) I got thrown up by my niece about eight time, usually on at least two pieces of clothing
d) it snowed on Christmas day, which is not that exciting for most people, but has not happened in Portland in the 19 years my parents have lived there
e) realizing that the boy had never seen snow on Christmas and then having a snowball fight with him, which he won
f) seeing all of my family together, including the second family who count as family, at the Christmas table, so that there were 11 of us
g) getting my ass kicked by my entire family multiple times playing UNO, seriously, I suck at that game...
h) finding out that I can put my niece back to sleep myself
So, the boy was hesitant to be in the family photo, only because we're not married and he didn't want to my parents to feel obligated to include him. My mom, however was very insistent, and pointed out that family is not about a piece of paper but the love you bring to each other. The boy was convinced upon that speech, which I relayed back and forth as I talked to my mom on the phone.
Also, my niece is growing, but she still doesn't keep all of her food down (thus the throwing up on me so often). She's starting to look like a healthy, chubby baby, which is adorable. The baby vomit, not so cute.

Okay, I'll finish my story later, but I need to get to school so that I can buy my books for class tomorrow, for which I have reading assignments already to do...

Does anyone else have the issue of a constant radio in your head? I have had "The Right Stuff" by the NKOTB running on my head radio for the last 12 hours. I need to change the channel...

Thanks for the giving

2007-11-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

So, I'm feeling much better now. A lot of the stress I was feeling has passed because the projects have been completed (up to the point they were required to be by now).

I tried my first "case" last week. I was working for the prosecution and the three juries found the defendant guilty. Mostly, I was just happy I didn't sound like an idiot and I got a lot of compliments from the mock juries. Mind you, they were all jurors under the age of 20. But, it was still a good feeling.

Also, I did my first power point presentation yesterday too. It was a presentation on my Gender and the Law paper for class. I got a little good feedback from that, too. I don't really remember much about my presentation but it finished. I didn't get a lot of feedback, so it's hard to tell how it went over. So, that is that.

Now it's the Thanksgiving break and I've realized that I have about a week until I turn 30 and then two weeks until finals. HOPEFULLY (but really not likely) I will use these three days effectively.

Hopefully you all know how much you have to be thankful for. I am thankful for all of you and the love you give me.

Watching oneself implode is hard

2007-11-09T12:25:00.000-08:00

I have had a long two weeks which shouldn't have been so long. Therefore, I self imploded at some point and have completely stopped caring. And, if I have a headache for one more day, I will probably use a dull instrument to dig it out from behind my eyes...

Really, I am starting to feel like a lot of the reasons I have confidence in myself are not actually valid, as far as law school goes -- not the rest of my life. But, maybe it's simply because I have been so scattered for the last month and a half that I haven't really put my full capabilities into anything so nothing can be good. However, this is cause for concern because eventually in the real world I will have to be able to effectively juggle a lot of different projects at once. If I can't do it when I'm in school, will I be able to do it in the real world? Maybe, I'm just sitting in a small puddle of self-pity and I'll be better by next week, hopefully.

Oh, and I realized last night that I am old when compared to a large number of people at school with me. I just wished two people happy 23rd birthdays on Tuesday...screw them and their stupid youth and having their whole lives in front of them. They have no experience or knowledge of the real world. So, screw them and their ability to drink without getting a day long hang over!!!!!

Plus, only one other person at a table of 10 people had heard of "Shirt Tales" which made me sad because it was before everyone else's time of cartoon watching (in age, not in the day). They all knew the stupid Care Bears and Friends, though...

Bah, this has to be my whiniest post ever, so sorry. Thanks for listening though.

Right now I think that I should give myself the day off because I'm disinterested in everything. Maybe five straight hours of TV is what I need to get over the hump...

I'm alright

2007-10-22T22:03:00.000-07:00

I am sure some of you have heard about all the fires in the area around me. I just wanted to give a quick note to say I'm alright. I'll update more later.

Love to everyone!

Booty & Plunder

2007-10-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

I decided to call this post booty & plunder because my only other option (in my head) was AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I have so much to do, so little time in which to do it, and an unshakable feeling that I'm forgetting something. This week is my holy-heck week because of everything I really need to get done and the limited amount of self directed time in which to do. The culmination of the last few weeks of frustration will come to the proverbial head this week, ending on Sunday, or maybe even Monday. Then I will have to refocus on everything else that I have been ignoring in order to get the rest of this stuff done with, like school.

I think that I've finally decided to officially sell-out. Now if only I could find the darn paperwork...

PS I am a horrible speller.

PPS You probably already knew that.

PPPS Yesterday before class I stated loud enough for most of my classmates to hear "Put down the crackpipe of separation." You figure it out...

Jumping through hoops, just because

2007-10-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

So, I've taken on even more stress intentionally, and I'm pissed off about how other people are handling it. Not the boy, the boy says "Do what you want to because I love and support you.", which is refreshing. Others are saying "We don't think that you've proven yourself capable because we're bitter about things as related to our lives, and we think that you cannot conceive of a way to balance your own life." To them I say "NUTS TO YOU."

I've been all over the place emotionally and rage wise, and I've consistently woken up four hours after I go to bed having similarly frightening dreams about these things that are bothering me. They never end well, and sometimes I don't fall back asleep for an hour. Therefore, I am frustrated and sleep deprived. Someone told me yesterday it was like I have been dunked into the bitter soup and seem to be very mean about very petty things (particularly near strangers at law school). It's true, but I've sort of stopped caring, which bothers me. I used to care a lot, and now I don't. I am therefore declaring myself "bitter cakes" and will work on the recipe.

Random side note, I think I understand where the phrase "Nuts to you" may come from. Apparently really long meals with many courses started with soup and ended with nuts (thus "from soup to nuts"). So perhaps saying "nuts to you" is like saying I'm done with you/this and the meal is over, please leave my parlor.

And, I'm certain that no one is reading this anymore, but if you are, notice how often I've posted for the last few weeks. Aren't you proud?

PS My niece is growing and she is still the cutest in all the land. She's as big as her stuffed pig now!

Today the TV taught me

2007-10-05T16:26:00.000-07:00

So, a commercial told me that there are three types of fiber:

1) Soluble
2) Insoluble
3) Fermenting

What they failed to explain to me is:

a) why fermenting is neither soluble or insoluble
b) why I should care about fermenting fiber

All I know is that I'm guessing "fermenting" will now replace "gassy" in my lexicon, cause I'm guessing that's what they were trying to say. And that amuses me beyond reasonableness, as defined by an objective or subjective standard.

P.S. Discrimination against women based on their role as child-care provider harms women, men, and employers. Ask me how if you care to hear a bunch of B.S. (which is also the abbreviation for Balance Sheet, and that tells you all you need to know about corporate financial reporting). T.V. taught me neither of these things.

How do you politely ask someone to...

2007-10-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

... not type on their laptop so loud that it echos throughout the desks and over the Beatles in my headphones?

... stop chewing crunchy items that are so loud I can hear you eating 50 feet away?

... to not be a f***-tard?

I am in one of those places where everything is coming down at once. So, my plan is to not to sleep until 10am. Ohh, poor me, I have to get up a normal hour that the vast majority of people get up at everyday in the real world. But, in all seriousness, I am swamped and frustrated by some lack of support by "partners" in the efforts. Perhaps my control-freak nature has a bad flip side in that way that I do so much that I create an expectation in the other person that they don't need to do anything. Also, some people are worse then me and only seek allies in their desire to be a belabored hard-worker, but in reality, they tied their own noose and I don't care about their complaints, but I need the stuff they're supposed to have done.

And I'm taking a class which is called "Gender in the Law" which could be awesome if a) some classmates would start talking more; b) some classmates would stop talking; or c) the class could be limited to the Professor (on whom I have a major girl crush) and one other student who is awesome (I may also have a girl crush on her, but she and her husband seems okay with that). Right now we're switching from sexual harassment to domestic violence. The reading assignments aren't all that fun. But, I do see how lucky I am to have not been confronted with a lot of these issues (or at least not yet) and even luckier that there are smart people out there writing smart articles which make it obvious for many otherwise stupid people as to why such things are a) more complicated than simple violence/anger; b) why victimization is about asserting power; c) not being addressed in the current law; and d) actually are issues of public policy and not simple private issues that need to be resolved privately.

Okay, enough of my ranting, I must go do stuff for things.

So now I am waiting...

2007-09-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I submitted about 50 applications for clearkships on the 4th. The federal court rules require that the judges wait until the 19th to arrange interviews with anyone who is still currently in school. So, I have heard from NONE...maybe because they didn't want to talk to me like a pirate?

Umm, other than that I am not putting the effort into my classes this semester that I should be. It's a tie between a) laziness, b) part-time scheduling, and c) procrastination as to why I'm not focused, but seeing as I know that why haven't I fixed it?

Oh, and when did co-coordinators of an event lead to one person doing all the work? Not because I want to but out of a sense of obligation to get crap taken care of I'm the one that has to do it. This makes me frustrated both with myself and with the other people who are supposed to be my "team." Also, it inevitably leads to me failing to get some things taken care of, which really really sucks.

Really, I just want to doing nothing all the time and sleeping through most of the day. But that's probably just the allergies talking (they give me a nasty headache all day).

Now I need to snack...

What do you do...

2007-09-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I officially know that I'm not "cool" because I've worked at the library on Friday and Saturday night two out of the last three weekends and I'm excited to be awake in time to watch Meet the Press. So, based on that, I'm gonna get a little "political" here because I want to.

I'm very irritated with a lot of the talk about Iraq right now because the knee jerk reaction of "out now" is not a good policy but continuing down the current path will fix nothing in that area or here at home. First of all, I've never thought being there is a good idea, but it's too late know to change that choice because we've been there for five years (good lord, that's a long time) so arguing about it is pointless. But the debate we should be having, outside of the standard sound bite wars of campaigning, is about how we make the country less un-whole than it currently is.

There are real consequences for pulling out now: if we leave now we show the world what we don't stand for. Regardless of the possibility of terrorists taking hold or the foreign fighters coming into Iraq, if we simply pull all of our troops out instantly we would live a ginormous mess and civil war which we are largely to blame for starting. The message that sends to most other nations are detrimental to our reputation in the international world when there are other missions we declare must be fought -- like if we finally pulled our president's head out of his pooper and determined to stop the genocide in Dafur -- what other nations will follow our lead into those more legitimate actions? Moreover, removing Saddam was never a bad thing, but pulling out now will leave the potential for an equally bloody reign of sectarian rule in the opposite of Saddam's violence. There are people there who need to be protected, and until there is evidence that the powers that be in Iraq understand and agree, we must provide local officials and the armies with the training to help.

However, continuing down the path that we're currently undertaking is not going to ever be effective and only lead the the death of more men and women, both U.S. citizens and Iraqi. Those consequences are unacceptable. However, the path that I think needs to be travelled seems to be impossible. How do you find a political leadership that will protect all Iraqi's rights in an area that is full of people who have had a blood feud for more than a thousand years? That is a question that we can't even answer when the anger is a mere fifty years in development. I have no idea what the answer is to this concern, but it is the question that we should be addressing. The other issue we should be addressing is what the mission our troops should be completing. They cannot be the only protection within the cities, country, and borders, there just aren't enough of them. And, while most of the experts who have reported from Iraq have stated that the Iraqi military is prepared and capable of doing more, the sectarian concerns have bled into the discussion of their effectiveness.

I have no idea what should be done, but what I want is a serious discussion in the public sphere of these issues instead of sound bites and the debate that should have taken place FIVE YEARS AGO.

Now, to totally change the topic, last night I was confronted with the following situation:
I was at work at the library, and a guy who is there daily doing research who insists upon taking to me to much told me he didn't like going to D.C. There are a lot of reasons which I would understand as to why, so I asked him "Why don't you like to go to D.C.?" And his response was "First of all, there are too many black people for me."
HOW THE HELL SHOULD I RESPOND TO THAT? What I did was look away and pretty much stop talking because I had no idea what else to do. While I could rationalize my reaction a number of insufficient ways, I realized that it is because I am completely uncomfortable with confronting such an attitude. I am embarrassed about that.

Other than that, same old, same old.

Go BEARS!

So thin, my time that is

2007-08-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

So, I have definitely spread myself too thin. I am not surprised that I have done this (it's been a constant theme in law school), but I am shocked by how quickly I've realized it this semester. Based on my yearly plan to improve my time management skills, I am constantly updating my calendar and to do list as I realize what all I need to get finished, only to realize that I spend as much time writing down what I need to accomplish as accomplishing it. That is not good time management. If anyone has suggestions, I'm open to them.

Right now, I'm procrastinating the writing of my cover letters for my judicial applications. They all must be accomplished by September 4. I have finished 0 of 70. That is not a good ratio. Also, the career services people seem to be not helpful because they're moving offices again. They got booted from their space in the middle of the summer and didn't get to move back in until last week making them hard to get a hold of and not as responsive as they want to be. I don't like it at all.

Never mind the fact that my parents are coming to visit this weekend, so I won't have as much time to work on my applications as I originally hoped. Stupid not getting things done...

School has started. I've been in class for a week. Somehow I managed to get myself a schedule where I only have Thursday off, but I have to come to school for office hours anyway. How on earth did I manage that while I'm only going part time? Still, it should be a good semester. One paper (30+ pages on gender and the law -- can we say "Erin will be more disgruntled with the man this semester"?); one "trial" (it's a mock trial and the course is a pass/fail class); and two finals (one open book, one closed book). That sound reasonable. Now if only I could sit down and figure out what I want to write my paper on...

I'm also dog sitting this week for a dog who cannot hear. It's strange because I'm in someone else house and no one else is there. Normally, I would talk to the dog, but I feel weird doing that since I know she can't hear me. Also, in order to get her attention, I have to put my hand in front of her nose and then start petting her. It makes me sad because I like this dog and it means she's getting very old.

As for my niece, she is the tiniest little thing and she is still struggling to gain wait. I will post a picture when I take the time to download them from my camera (can you say "Lazy"?). My sister is one of the strongest people I know and is struggling to be okay with all of this. She seems to think that because the baby isn't breast feeding well, she is a failure as a mom, especially if she decides quits trying to breast feed. I think that she is a great mom and I am sad that she doubts herself. However, I have not been in her shoes so I don't know how to tell her that she is doing great without sounding patronizing.

On a lighter note, my mom says my niece looks like me, but mostly because she's a gassy baby who squishes up her face to fart, which apparently I did a lot as a baby, too. Aren't you glad you know that about me now?

So, the real question is, does anyone read this half-arsed attempt at blogging?

Sometimes, when I'm drifting into a daydream I start thinking about the cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland and wonder why that movie didn't unsettle me as much as Dumbo (pink elephants on parade scene) or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (through the LSD tunnel scene -- original "Gene Wilder on cocaine" version) did when I was a kid.

Later.

Not dead, but laptop was

2007-07-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so first of all, I want to say, I'm am sorry that I haven't updated in two months, but my computer and it's manufacturer made it impossible to use it or fix the problems the first time. So, in honor of that here is a list of things that I really don't like right now:

1. Websites that say a certain part works for your stuff, but it doesn't and could ruin it instead
2. The fact that I still purchase things from those websites
3. Drivers who leave their blinker on and drive that way
4. Drivers who think that a blinker on for half a blink is sufficient notice to "merge" in front of me
5. Vapid "reality" tv people
6. The fact that I find people who qualify for #5 addictive to watch
7. Drivers who drive 60 mph when the speed limit is 65 mph for NO REASON (sometimes even when they do it for a reason)
8. My time management skills
9. Parking spaces marked "compact" which aren't, they're smaller
10. People in SUVs who park in "compact"

So, here's the super skinny:
I got glasses because I can't see things at distances (but it's not too bad, but it helps).

I have sold out and I love what I am doing this summer.

I got in a car accident at 5 mph and the lady called my insurance to "fix" her car and then, after she got an estimate, her insurance company said it was too small a claim to deal with (HAHAHA).

My sister had a baby girl who is in the hospital because she is too small and needs to learn to eat before she can leave the hospital. I have only seen pictures of her, but she is cute as pie (but I'm not biased at all). I am going to visit her and her family in early August. I am constantly thinking about her.

I am working toward applying for a judicial clerkship for post graduation.

I have stretched myself too thin for the summer and for next school year. Neither of those things are all that surprising to me.

I have had a headache for three days.

I have not finished Harry Potter book seven yet, but the fifth movie was awesome.

Love to you all. I'll try to update more when I can.

Mystery & Jeopardy are the best TV shows on TV.

Done with finals...

2007-05-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

So, four finals in 8 days. None of them seemed like I particularly did great. I realized I left out a major issue on one, but five days later. Not the best feeling in the world. I don't think that I flunked anything, but I really don't know if I did great on anything either. I really wanted to do well on one or two, just so I felt good about this semester, but I didn't and that annoys me.

Now, I am driving home so that I can get the car's license renewed. In honor of that I had Dusty washed. She was dirty within hours. All I did was park her in her assigned space under the roof. So, of course she got dirty. I have to drive her home because I have to get an air quality test done, and that means the car needs to be there. Since I don't get to take any vacation during the 10 weeks I'm working this summer, I need to do it in the week long break I get. Fortunately, the boy is coming with me and will probably do most the driving. I love driving, but I don't get to look around when I do it. Hopefully, I will have a chance to take some photos along the way and enjoy the drive in at least one direction.

But, I do have to come back before my sister and her husband flies in. I am excited that she's coming because it's the first time she's been able to come to SD since I moved here, and I get to see her when she's more visibly preggers. It is very exciting to me.

I am glad that school is done because I'm getting a little burnt out, but part of me feels like I could stay in school for a long time. We will see, because I got a ton of loans to repay now. Still, I don't know what I would want to focus on academically, so I need to figure all that out first. It's weird thinking about my future and being so unsure about what I want.

My toenails hurt because my cleats are too tights with my inserts.

What I'm doing instead of studying or writing anyone back

2007-04-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm gonna start with this question: do any of you out there in blogger land know how I want to be proposed to? Yesterday, as we were driving to soccer, the boy asked me if I had any friends that would know how I wanted to be proposed to. I answered no, because I don't think that I have a conception of the whole process. All I know is that I think (for goodness knows what archaic reason) that I want him to ask my dad first. I think he was really just testing the waters to see if all of my jokes about him marrying me lately were really a sign that the concept of marriage does not really send me into a minor panic attack any more. (It does, but a lot less and I can hide it better then I used to.)

So, today, while I'm sitting in the library with nothing but a week and a half until finals, I am surfing the internet to look at wedding venues. Now, don't get all a-twitter, I am not actually engaged, nor has a proposal been made, nor do I expect that I'll be near tying that knot soon, but for some reason it seemed like a relatively okay thing to do. I think it has something to do with the time of year and the increasing number of conversations that turn to the weddings that people need to attend/plan over the summer, but really, why would I google it? Oh, wait I know, because the wiki-how link for today was how to find a wedding dress which I clicked on because the whole process is one for which I have no real idea as to its inner-workings. So, the internet is why I will fail two of my four classes. I'm sure that I'll find a reason for the other two, but it will probably have more to do with the 15 shows that are on the DVR at home. (I don't have the fancy name-brand Tivo, but when it works the DVR is just fine.)

I am also listening to my music collection by artist and I realized that there are a lot of songs that make me cry (or at least tear up) no matter when or where I hear them. It's more of a problem when I'm sitting here looking at random things on the internet in the middle of a public library where other people tend to sneak up behind me and I'm near tears. But I have to say that Harry Chapin tells some of the most tragic simple stories that break my heart every time I hear them, so the tears in my eyes are reasonable. He had such a direct tap on the vein of human-ness that it's strikingly sad when he touches on the offhanded crap that life dishes out and we dish to ourselves that cut us to the quick. On the other hand, he also had an ability to explain love in a real and wonderful way that you hope that when you're old, you feel the way his songs express. If you haven't heard anything from him (which you have because he wrote "Cats in the Cradle"), and you like storytellers with simple music, I really suggest you look him up. Or maybe I can send you some tracks from his "Greatest Stories" album, which would help me procrastinate more.

I have also been really cranky with people lately. Since about spring break as a matter of fact. It just gets worse the more I have to deal with people on a regular basis. I just think that some people should be told to shut up more often because they should STOP TALKING for a little while so the rest of us can relax. They aren't helping anyone and aren't the only ones with ideas which are relevant. Also, learning to park your big fat SUV that cost more than my tuition (which is obscene, by the way) should be a requirement to get into USD, but it clearly isn't. That's why when I tapped your car when I pulled in I didn't leave a note (also the fact that I did no damage and the mark wiped off).

On a final note, after nearly two years of driving my fabulous contour around, I have named her. She shall be known as Dusty. This in not just because I never wash her (even when I do wash her she's dusty within hours). It also comes from her slightly alternative approach to looks and defrosting the front windshield. She's also reliable and fun to be in, so Dusty just seemed right...I'd share pictures, but well, that takes planning to have a camera with me, which I never do.

Okay, I really need to do SOMETHING before the end of my time in the library...I'm sure the internet will provide you with further entertainment elsewhere. I'll probably give you an update post finals, but you never know with me.

Nubbins is just plain fun to say.

Avoiding the real work

2007-03-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

So, one of the bigger projects for the spring semester is over and done with, and the banquet was last night. It was a "moot court competition" which is a bunch of not yet lawyers write an appellate brief and then make oral arguments in a appellate court setting. It is strangely fun to do and I think that its work that I would enjoy doing when I am a real lawyer.

Now, I have the biggest paper due on Monday at 5pm, and I am not working on it because I am afraid and bored.

But, I'm alive.

That is all.

Groundhog's Day

2007-02-03T16:18:00.000-08:00

So, in honor of this long overlooked holiday (and a day late) I thought that I would try to stick my head out of my hole to determine what the future is. Turns out I'm not psychic. Instead, I can only give you the recent past...

My parents met the boy's parents. I think it went well, but I don't see a bond like my parents have with my sister's husbands parents. Which is very much what I suspected, and I really think that I'm okay with that.

Seeing as the parents met, it would make sense that one set traveled near the the other, which is, in fact what happened. My parents came to Santa Monica where my dad was for a conference. It's about 20 minutes north of LA. So, while my dad was at the conference, the boy and I took my mom and spent the day at the Getty Museum . Wow. I got through four exhibits, of the about 30 that they have. Two were on photography in the US. I developed a deeper taste for this art and think there are some peoples stuff that I would like to see more of including: Mitch Epstein, Sheron Rupp, and Donald Blumberg (to name but a few). Additionally, they had an exhibit about art from Dresden, which lead me to discover a new artist that I would like to see more of: Gerhard Richter.

I also saw someone famous at the museum (I am fairly sure), but I didn't say anything to him because I was looking for Rembrandt and well, I'm sure that the actor was there for something other than adoration (or at least pointing and signature asking). He was a lot skinner in person than he looks on TV, and scruffier.

School is sucking my time down the drain and my grades last semester were not what I wanted them to be, but only in one class really. But it was the 4 credit class, so it weighs more heavily. Of course. I sort of knew it was coming, though, I was just hoping for better. This semester is a lot of work and I constantly feel about a step behind. The problem with that is that instead of catching up, I know I'm just going to slowly slip further behind. Stupid stuff to do...

And my fingers smell like garlic.

Procrastination

2007-01-22T18:11:00.000-08:00

So, really I should be writing part of the 40 page paper that I need to have a full draft of done by Monday, but I don't wanna. I thought what better use of my time then to update my blog. I don't really have anything to say, but I thought that I'd check in with whoever is left reading this.

To the update-mobile!

Classes have started for real. I have yet to fall behind on the day-to-day readings, which really shouldn't be that much of an accomplishment as I have only had five days of classes, but I am me and I do get behind on occassion. I just fake it real good when I need to look on top of the world.

My grades were due to be turned in by professors by today. As of 5:30 pm I had no grades. Most people have one or two, and some have all, of their grades by now and I have none. I am concerned and totally obsessed. A good student this does not make...I am also paranoid that something happened and my grades did not come through and I'll have gone through an entire semester of school and not get any credit for that. How's that for paranoia.

My parents are coming to southern California this weekend, which is kind of inconvient because of the paper, but I am glad that I get to see them sooner rather than later. There is also the possibility that my parents will meet the boys parents, but nothing is solidified for that, so we shall see. It is a big step in my mind becuase my parents have never met a boy's parents while I was dating said boy. Largely because my dad believes there is a time for such things and one had not been reached by me until now. That's scary to me. However, I have never lived with a boy before either and that seems to be okay except for the burden sharing of chores and payment. I do one, he does the other. It seems unbalanced, but I can only expect sharing on one half because I am still in school.

I had a really great two hour conversation with the professor I TA for about what she wants to do with her life and what she did before she became a professor. It was really cool because I had never talked to her like that before, even though she took me to a San Diego Chargers football game. It's somehow comforting to know that even people who are much older than me are still trying to figure out what to do next. Oh, and it is helpful to remember that professors are real people who sometimes do stupid things too.

And GO BEARS!

January Part 1

2007-01-16T16:44:00.000-08:00

So, I spent my New Years Eve in sweatpants playing a videogame with the boy. Not my usual stellar performance but I enjoyed it a lot. I did talk to a few people, mostly family, as the new years washed across the states each in their appropriate time zone. Some were sober, some were not. It was good to hear each of their voices for a lot of different reasons. However, I did get a little sad that I didn't get to spend the night with my friends or family (not that I didn't love spending the time with the boy, but you know what I mean). I have said (probably more often than necessary) that I think that New Years Eve is the holiday you spend with whomever you choose. Most people spend Thanksgiving and the winter holiday of their persuasion with family if it is possible, but New Years is not so much a family tradition but an excuse for everyone to hang out with people that they love who don't know what you looked like when you were zero years old, if that's what they want. Over the last two years, I have not really gotten a choice in where I was. This year I could have gone out (if I was made of money), but hanging out with drunken strangers is not my idea of a fun New Years Eve. I get very sad for the many friends that I have and rarely see over this period.

Not that I write or call any of you, but I do miss you none the less.

About a week later I went home to visit my parents. I had an awesome time because my parents love and adore me and ply me with more wine than is recommended by so-called doctors. I seriously drank more with my parents than I had over the entire semester. I don't know what that says about my drinking during the semester or what that says about my time with my family. But, it wasn't like we were drinking for the purpose of drinking -- it was before/with/after dinner drinks of wine which makes it okay. I did get to see some friends who have know me since my awkward teen years (lord help me and them) and saw the possibility that we are growing up into adults. How scary is that?
I also got into an argument about whiskey with the youngest son of the friends of the family who I could have sworn is 12, but is apparently working on graduating from college/getting his masters simulataneously and is of legal drinking age which some how nearly warped into a debate (in a very long and winding 6 person discussion) about welfare. I babysat that kid -- how is he old enough to be an adult?
Overall it was a great time home and for the first time I could actually envision myself moving there someday sooner rather than later. I felt a very real sense of depression as I flew away, which I had not gotten in a really long time. I don't know if that means that I am not really happy here in San Diego or if in my burgeoning maturity I wish to be nearer my parents or if my sense of not having a network of friends here in San Diego took over or if there is something else I don't get going on.

I do know that I was really sad that I did not have a friends to go out with when I got back that isn't the boy. Sometimes I want to talk about the boy to someone, but I don't really have the feeling that there is anyone here who would get it.

Now, school has started today and I have a ton of poop on my plate, so if you don't hear from me until May, I'm probably not dead, just on the verge of a psychotic break.

PS Golden Globes is the bestests!

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

2006-12-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

So, this was the first year I spent Christmas away from my family. I was very sad not to spend Christmas with my family because it is my favorite time of year because of the craziness that ensues when the holidays role around. The part that was hardest is that my sister had my parents come to her house and so they all got to be together without me there. And, it was of course the year that my sister decided to get herself in the family way and announce it on Christmas Eve to my parents, her inlaws and her sister in law. So, everyone but me. Since it was Christmas Eve, I was with the boy and his family celebrating with them and did not get the news till the next day after everyone else found out, including most of the extended family (biological or otherwise). So, I'm going to be an aunt in less than a year. Woo hoo go me! Oh wait, I don't have to do anything!

Spending Christmas with the boys family was okay. There is a lot of in-family bickering which I guess is standard for families, but it's different for me because we do not spend a lot time with extended family. I suppose my sister and I have our moments, but it seems really different. I suppose that is in part because we are still relatively young and we don't have actually important things to bicker about. Normally we just know what things to say to irritate each other, but maybe after many yhears she and I will be bickering more and more. I should work to make that not happen. Perhap finding my zen place would help. Now if only I would take the time to get a zen place.

Something that I have done for myself is get a job for the summer. I am going to be working at a big law firm here in San Diego, which is awesome for me and happened because some very awesome professors helped me out. It also means that I have sold out, and, to be honest, I am very excited about it. It's still far away, but it is also nerve wracking because all the questions of "can I do this" and "am I going to be over my head" and "what am I thinking" are running around my head. As soon as school starts up again then I am certain that those will dissipate to be drown out by the amount of work that I think I'm going to have next semester. Stupid brain signing up for so many classes....

Now I really must start working on a paper because I'm just that much of a procrastinator. But you knew that.

Kleenex, tissue for the gods...

Hopefully still counting

2006-12-12T15:52:00.000-08:00

I have one more final left, then maybe a post will appear. Until such time, may I suggest clicking on the following link to raise money for abolishing AIDS. All you need to do is go to the site and light the candle by clicking. Then a pharmacuetical company will provide another dollar.

https://www.lighttounite.org/

Love to you all!

It's my birthday

2006-11-28T16:57:00.000-08:00

So, in honor of the big day, and the last year spent in my 20's I am spending the day, and most of the night in the libarary working on papers.

My life is awesome.

At least I'm not old and cranky. Well, I'm not old anyway.

Cannons should explode in classical music more often. (FYI My computer's thesaurus's recommendation for synonyms for cannon were gun, big gun, field gun, and mortar.)

I wanna be a burnout

2006-10-17T17:33:00.000-07:00

Oh, wait, I meant I am burnt out. I don't know why, it's not like I've done that much this semester, I just have an overwhelming sense of apathy. That's not good considering the mountain of work that looms in my sights...

Things seem to be moving peculiarly slowly. Everything is sort of going about at its own pace and plodding along, and I seem to be statisfied with sitting around watching the whole thing happening as opposed to getting involved in my own life. It's a very surreal experience of failing to be invested in what is going on. Much of it is so dependant on the fact that I am just very anxious about the whole job search process. I think that once I know what I am going to be doing (0r if I need to keep working on it, at least) I will be ready to jump into the whole "school" thing more. It's as if being in limbo in one part of my life I feel the need to be in limbo in all of it. That's not so helpful.

I really didn't have much to say, but I wanted you all to know that I am alive and still spending time on the internet while I should be studying.

When will I be less bitter and more smooth....

Unsuppressing

2006-09-13T11:40:00.000-07:00

So, on Monday, there was this overexploited anniversary that I got tired of hearing about by the Thursday prior. It's been five years since some people decided to take a truly nasty swipe at what they percieve is wrong with the world -- the US and it's capitalism. I did not realize how mixed my emotions were about that time and the anniversary of that moment until everytime they played yet another heart wrenching moment of "what life would be like if only my (insert personal relation/spouse/unknown parent) had not died that day" I began to cry. I am about to use this space to attempt some catharsis about that day, so feel free to ignore it or change the channel, or whatever you need to do.

To begin with, I watched, live, as both planes hit the WTC towers when I came into my everyday life of work. I was waiting for a coworker to arrive so we could get coffee. I honestly cannot remember if we ever got it. However, it was not going to be an everyday day, and for a long time afterwards it wasn't going to be normal.

After watching the towers get hit, and thinking how badly the air traffic controllers had f-ed up, I did not turn off theTV and instead watched as a reporter was giving an update from the Pentagon when there were muted explosions, not just on TV but in the real world as well. Soon, it was obvious that the Pentagon had been hit as well. Various reports claimed five to ten flights that were still flying but their locations were unknown. Speculation ran rampent as to what other targets were left to be attacked and how much chaos was going on in the city of DC.

Working on Capitol Hill I was both very close to an expected target, yet not really that near danger. I did not work in the Capitol Building, nor did I, at that time, go over there often. But, I still felt like I was a target, because I worked for the government. The response of my office left a lot to be desired, but that's a different rant that I have since dealt, and no one really knew if we should even leave the building. After sitting on pins and needles glued to the television reports of chaos, riots, and attacks in the subway, one alert staffer noticed that a line on the front desk phone that never rang before was ringing. It was settled by the Capitol Police, we were to get the f- out the building. What in my mind was hours of watching the news and trying in multiple calls to calm my mother down, who had awoken to the news that I might be under a terrorist attack, we were told that we were still at risk and we should leave. It was less then an hour, in reality.

As we evacuated, in a calm and orderly fashion, as we were one of the few offices that had not left yet, it was eeriely quiet on the street. However, there were still signs of an unaltered life out there. As were were walking to a coworker's apartment, a FedEx truck was making deliveries. The driver allowed the rolling rear door to slam shut with a bang, and that's when I realized just how damn scared I was. I thought it was an explosion and my heart stopped beating for a long moment.

Those of us who went to the coworkers house sat together trying to piece together what was being reported, what we could and could not do -- could not take the metro, could not make phone calls because all the circuits were busy, could only sit and watch and listen as the military jets scrambled over our heads. It was a time devoid of anything but a cold, clammy intensity sitting and the bottom of my stomach wishing someone could tell me what was really going on.

Eventually, I went home, where my friends slowly gathered bringing with them copious amounts of beer and alcohol. Some of us drank in front of the television slowly trying to figure out who knew what and what really was going on. Others had to get out and be active to shut out all of the emotions that were brewing in a weird and unknown way. I have no idea what all we talked about or how long we were there, but eventually, we made for the bar, a haven of normalcy in a time of the unknown.

Some went to the back to try to find a seat -- I don't remember if I was with them, but even if I wasn't I lived it through them -- and saw the Presidential helicopters fly by in their three formation -- a memory that would haunt them for a moment later as they returned to the back patio on a subsequent visit. Through the whole day, the question remained -- what if --.

As more unfolded, over the days and weeks following, I started feeling very lucky about where I was and that a few people were willing to take on terrorists to prevent anymore people from dieing. I truly doubt that I would have been in a building that would have been hit if all had gone by the terrorists plan, but it might have happened. That it didn't was a blessing from some people somewhere who never met me or anyone I worked with.

On a broader scale, I saw something that could have been great -- a bringing together of a nation -- that eventually turned to something uglier then I have seen before -- a devisive political environment where no policy can truly be good because there is no compromise or debate or thought -- and I am truly disheartened. We started a war in Afghanistan that is barely even mentioned in the news. The "bad guys," those that have become figureheads for a movement that masterminds, trains, and encourages attacks like those we have gone through are still out there, no longer pursued with all due diligence because we are focused on another part of the world that had nothing to do with what happened.

Instead, we are fighting so many different battles -- not just those that are being fought by the soliders -- around the world. We are trying to do so much with the rationalization that has something to do with those four planes and those thousands of peoples lives lost, and no of it will actually stop the river, instead, they're causing the damn to leak more and more. And more and more bloodshed, hatred, and ideology get born without a moment's thought to why.

Why do those people seek us out to hate and destroy? Why do we continue to allow them to win the hearts of potential allies by pandering to war instead of development? How is it that our foreign policy remains so much in the hands of those that would burn bridges to keep the enemy outside that it fails to realized that their are others on the other side of the bridge that may some day might wish to cross it? Not to mention we are simply finding only outside problems and solutions, when there are those inside who create just as much damage.

And then we have the exploitation of the grief, anger, pain, and horror as another anniversary roles through. We look back and try to determine what has and hasn't changed. Find that it is the appropriate time to trot out those that have lost persons most dear and listen without hearing their stories. Where are the people still working to fix what is still wrong for those people? Why is the sound byte and dramatic flag shot on a single day more imporatant than the needs of those still reeling from a world turned upside down? What do we do everyday to make those that lost whole -- at least as much as can be done? Why is it that the children who do not know thier fathers are more important a story then those children of the military men in Afghanistan who will not know their fathers?

The President called 9/11 the greatest threat our nation has faced, but a Professor just put that into perspective by pointing out that just over a hundred years ago, we fought a civil war that redefined people's rights and self that cost more American lives, money, and time then 9/11. And we're still dealing with the fall out from that.

I know that for myself, I have never really examined all the emotions that I experience in watching thousands of people die or thinking that it could just have easily been me as anyone of them. I know that I cannot yet confront the memories when the TV tells me to. I know that I still need something to help me get to that place. I don't know what that something is, but I am certain that CBS, ABC, or NBC cannot provide it, nor can an abandonment of reason to bloodlust, nor can acquiescence to a leader who chooses to expand the problem instead of finding a solution to the one at hand. Poltics, arguing, and pandering do not help or move us anywhere.

I don't know what does, but I hope that someday we can find out what can, together.

many happy returns

2006-08-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I should start with an apology to all of you who have checked for a sign of life in the last month and a half, but well....my excuses are trite and pointless and you probably wouldn't believe my apology to be sincere anyway. Or, you've stopped checking and will never read this again.

So, to recap my summer:
Family wedding
See above post -- actually it's the post below not above

Friend's wedding
awesome time had by me, I think, I don't remember the end except I invited the whole wedding reception to my parent's house to continue the party -- with their approval of course-- where I subsequently gave away my favorite flipflops to a girl I've met twice who does not remember me from the first time we met because she didn't like me because she thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend (who is now her husband and father of her baby)...enough said.

Summer externship with Judge
I am no longer going their, but I still have work to do. I learned lots, but most important to me was that I am not an idiot and can probably be a good lawyer

Searching for an apartment
So much to say, so little to show for it. Eventually we found a place. It's in the same complex I live in right now and we're not moving till September. There is much frustration rooted in this activity that I would rather not subject you all to, but it's focused on two things: 1) someone else's level of participation in the process and 2) my inability to express my frustration re #1 and internal battling over it. Now we move to living together.
Oh, and we are, obviously, nowhere nearer the beach.

School
I took a summer seminar. I went to class, read some stuff, spent most of class thinking "daaah, I can read..." (me drooling), and wrote a paper that I could have done better with. Got my grade yesterday, could be worse, could be better. Settled on that.

So, then what's new, you may ask. I am back at school. I am working two jobs (at the library training all the little first year workers and as a TA to the lawyering skills department -- I gots you skillz right here byatch). I am starting the unsettling process of summer associate recruiting, i.e., I am looking for my summer job at a law firm as of yesterday (wait, summer isn't for 9 months, you say, to which I respond: getting a summer job for lawyers is like having a baby you start out having some fun, then have to do a bunch of things right so you don't screw it up before you get it, and then you hope you end up with something that doesn't screw you or itself up to badly. Or something like that.) I am a "provisional member" of a law journal -- go me -- oh wait, that's a lot more work.

What isn't new: I still don't get enough sleep.

For more details please check back in a month. Hopefully I'll have posted multiple times since then.

Welcome to the circulation desk, you're about to listen to me for three hours of which you will remember barely anything at all. Learn it, love it, live it...

Oh my god, where have I been?

2006-07-09T14:46:00.000-07:00

Well, nowhere really, oh wait, somewhere, but not sure why I couldn't update before now.

So, it is now almost the second week in July and I haven't updated in oh, about three weeks. You three people left checking this spot are dedicated and I thank you and apologize for my retarditude. (hee, hee, making up words is fun.)

Okay, so the boy has moved down to here, but we have not gotten a place yet. We did submit an application at one place on Friday, so here's hoping everything works out. It's a cute two bedroom place with GIANT closets. I love closets!!!! You can put stuff in them and forget all about it :)

Living in a one bedroom place temporarily makes me realize why a two bedroom is necessary: we don't want to do the same stuff all the time and I don't do homework in the bedroom or I will sleep. That's not to say I won't sleep in the living room while doing homework, but I will wake up sooner. Stupid comfy couch.

However, if we do get this place, I think we'll need more furniture. Which is expensive, even at IKEA. Which is where I went this weekend. I like IKEA, but I feel like I shouldn't be shopping there any more. IKEA has always seemed like the college-transition-into-adulthood furniture store. I think that I have reached adulthood, of some sort, even though I'm in school still. I want to start thinking about buying more substantial "grown-up" furniture made with real word not "engineered" wood (read: pressboard). It is like when I switched from a futon to a "real" bed (and then again from a full to queen sized bed). It's an indication of settling down and being an established person. Perhaps I'm looking for establishment when I don't feel established as though my furniture purchases will anchor me somehow. Who thought furniture desires could be so revealing...

I also am tired of blonde woods. I wish for deep color dark wood. That I can't explain.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the beautiful town of Erie, PA. Let's just say that I don't think I'm moving there ever. I went for my cousin's wedding and helping my mom take care of my grandparents/keep her sanity. My sister and her husband were there too. My sister does a much better job of helping with the physical side of my grandparents needs. Obviously, doing it for a living helps a lot, but having confidence in how you should help plays a long way into it. My strength is that I have learned to listen to my grandfather in a way that he thinks that I am truly hanging on every word he says. I do listen to him, even when I've heard the story a million times because it is the stuff that means the most to him.

My mom told me that my grandfather has since proclaimed me as his favorite because I actually listen to him. I think that is both terribly unfair to my cousins who see him much more regularly and very sad for my grandpa. Now, I am the first to admit that I don't find my grandpa the most exciting individual ever, but he has seen and done some things that have immense importance to him. The entire history of the Methodist church and his family bloodlines may not be my cup of tea, but it is his passion. I know that the ridiculous things that I find worthwhile to be passionate about aren't everyone else's favorite topic, but I hope that when I'm 80 + years old some one will let me tell them everything I know about them, where or not they truly care. That is what I told my mom. I know it is extrodinarily hard for her and her sister to put up with taking care of their parents and dealing with the same stories that they've both heard a billion times, but he just wants someone to listen to him. I am fairly certain that is all he ever wanted.

Spending time with my grandparents make me really afraid of getting really old. When faced with the frustration, pain, anger, and depression that comes with the new restrictions on my grandparents, it scared me about what getting old is about. I don't think I need to fear it yet, but it was definitely frightening.

The other milestone of the trip was only having one argument with my sister. That is a milestone for us because we tend to grate each other's nerves in the most effective and raw sort of way. Yeah growing up.

Then there was Fourth of July. But I must do some school work, so hopefully I'll update soon and talk about that. Don't hold your breath :)

Commercials about Judge "Insert first name(s)" TV shows make me proud to not recognize anyone on them.

Forever and one great weekend later

2006-06-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

So, I had some awesome friends in for the weekend which a) was fun, b) forced me to go to the beach (it was a real struggle to get me there), and c) was fun. Jocelyn, Sarah, and Winslow seemed to enjoy themselves, too. Which just means that my friends should all come visit me. Just try not to come all at once because with four there is room, five might be a squeeze, but I know that I have more than five friends so you wouldn't all fit.

I had forgotten what going out and being confident in yourself around the people you are with is like. Since having moved here to go to school, on the rare occasion that I go out, I never know if people find me fun/cool/entertaining/"insert other positive adjectives here" or if they tolerate me because I offer to drive sometimes. With true friends, like Jocelyn, Sarah and Winslow, I knew that they liked me for me and they know me well enough to tell me to do stuff, rummage through my refrigerator, call me weird, tolerate the fact that I say "there's my school" every time we pass it (about twenty times), and make me laugh. I felt truly at ease and really let myself enjoy it, even the hangover.

The best part, now that I've thought about it, was that we didn't spend the whole time reminiscing about the way things were or "remember that one time when...", not that we didn't do that, but that we spent a lot of time looking forward at our individual lives and at how our friendship has and will continue to change. I realized that I do miss them terribly, but I am also aware that even if I moved back to the east coast, it would not be the same as it ever was. We're all making new decision and thinking about the next five years in very different ways. We're all contemplating more long term decisions like careers, kids, marriage (if you're not already married), finding a place to live for longer than a year or two. Not that any one of us had answers but we certainly had questions.

We did "gossip" in that way that I found out how some of my friends I haven't seen and I never write are doing. I also got to share some updates about the first year DC crew, so I felt somewhat "in the know." That was good to hear about the further adventures of life as I used to know it. To those of you out there that I heard about: congratulations on the good stuff and good luck with the new stuff and try not to drive too fast. To those of you I got to give the update on: congratulations on the good stuff and good luck with the new stuff from Jocelyn, Sarah, and Winslow (if you've met him (which you may have but he's asked for anonymity on the internet)).
We also played poker. Jocelyn is extraordinarily lucky on deals, no matter what game you're playing. Don't play her for money. Winslow and Sarah play too much poker and know too many games so I never remember the rules to anything. This makes me a patsy. Play me for money.

We went out drinking, like for reals drinking. I got the hic-ups for about an hour, we played with a sharpie at the bar (Sarah to the waitress: "Where can we get good tattoos around here?", Waitress to Sarah after looking at the four of us in our sharpie splendor (mostly the others as I am too afraid of "permanent"): "You might want to stick to the sharpie."), we got bum rushed out with the heard at closing time, and the next day was a long process of recouping for some (my trash can misses you). Then we went to the beach. I think I could only do that once a quarter as I hate the hic-ups.

On Sunday, we went on the quest of the "Amusement Park" for Jocelyn and fish tacos for Winslow. Since I didn't take either of them to TJ to drink as expected (because that's what you do when you come to San Diego, right?), it was only right. The amusement park is really a boardwalk type area that has a roller coaster that was made of wood and built in the 1940s. It is just mellow enough that I liked it, but still no too boring for those with a greater sense of adventure. Then we went on the tilt-a-whirl and tried to take pictures of each other while the ride was in motion. Winslow said that made him feel like Saturday morning (not so good). Then we staggered away, me complaining of "neck pain" because I am getting old, and Sarah and Jocelyn managed to find a greasy taco place which served up some grub, including the long awaited fish tacos.

Then they left, and I felt sad. Then I started looking to see if there were reasonably priced apartments in the beach areas because I live near a McDonald's, the Vietnamese grocery, and my school. There are, so the next one to visit may have an easier time getting to the beach. Finding parking, however, is another matter.

In contrast, I went out with some folks from school last night (for a couple of beers and dinner) and I realized that while they were cool people that I genuinely like, I still feel guarded around them. This is a personal flaw that only I can fix. I cannot keep hoping that I will magically have friends like Jocelyn, Sarah, and Winslow because those friendships didn't just happen. It took time to get there and a willingness to expose my flaws to them and it was more then worth it.

And I still don't know where the salt from our table went...really, I have no idea.

Really, I'm fine

2006-05-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

So, for the last week I have supposed to have been working on writing my memo for my law review application. It is a 10 page document, written like a legal memo, based on research they have provided in a 132 page packet. Let's just say that procrastination wins all the time when I am the opponent. I got it done, but I didn't sleep much Thursday night.

Thus, I slept a lot Friday night, just before going to bed. Were I went to read myself back to sleep, which I couldn't. 4 am is a great time of day, really it is. Just not for being awake. Even my late night neighbors know that. So, finally I fell back asleep and I got up at 2pm. Then I cleaned. Got through the living room, minus my desk. My 10' x 10' living room really shouldn't take 3 hours to clean, but that's how long I took. Now, I just need to clean the rest of my apartment. Hopefully it won't take as long because I would like to at least like to find out something about this city I live in, in case anyone wants to come visit me ever.

However, having a clean apartment for visitors is nice too...

Let's see, updates.

1) I am officially no longer in my first year of law school. Woohoo.

2) The boy's sister got married last weekend and I was there. The day after finals. I cannot say I really got a break that weekend. I did however hear a lot of people ask me when he and I would be getting married. By lots of people I mean four people, repeatedly through out the reception. They were his cousins who I met at Thanksgiving and they were very persistent. Unfortunately the boy was not sitting at the same table. Not because he was supposed to be at a different table, but because sometimes it is easier to just acquiesce to circumstances. So, I sat with the parents, cousins, and family patriarch. No pressure there.
That night, I helped prepare a brunch for the next morning with the boy's mom and the boy. I also helped more the next morning before I left to come back and work on the writing assignment, right as people were showing up for the brunch.

3) I read a whole non-law book! Woohoo! Not a challenging book, but good read called Inkheart. Along the lines of a kids book with some very interesting themes about evil, imagination, and family.

4) The boy is in Australia right now and will move down here when he gets back. So, I really need to do some apartment hunting, and I should maybe get rid of come stuff so that there is room in a closet that I apparently will have to share. Oh, and I should tell my parents.

5) I am working as a judicial intern this summer. I am nervous, excited, daunted, and unsure. I start next week. We shall see.

...beware the groove...

And out...

2006-05-19T18:42:00.000-07:00

Today, I finished my last final of my first year. I was plesantly surprised with how it turned out. No need to cry afterwards. Merely, a need to drink. Which I did. In the parking lot with a few classmates. For two hours.

I was OUTSIDE!!!!!

Thus, I got a sunburn for being in cloudy to sunny outdoors. My first sun related issue since moving here to "sunny southern california." I think that says something about my reclusive nerdiness. Or maybe it doesn't. I don't know, and I don't care.

Three hour naps in the middle of the day to "sleep it off" are awesome.

Woohoo!

2 down 2 to go

2006-05-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

I am an ubernerd!!!!! (I don't have umlauts, which makes me sad that I cannot express the proper vowel mutation, which expresses my ubernerdiness.)

I realized at some point last night while not sleep because the overwhelming panic that I could not accept a B in the class that I took the final for this morning. (Which sounds like this smorning in my head so I could not figure out if I spelled it properly, hee hee.) For those not in "the know" there is a hard curve in the first year of law school, and, like most law schools except Harvard, the bell of the curve sits on the B. Only 18% of the class can get above a B+. I want to be in that 18% because since everyone asks me to explain stuff they don't understand in my property class, I think that I am "too good" for a mere average rating. However, the panic sets in when I thought about the paucity of studying for that final. Additionally, the entirety of the above worries me on many levels, mostly the whole "Ego" being developed. I really need to get over myself.

Speaking of which, I have to study for a test that will, inherently kick my ass, only to be followed on Friday by a test that will kick my ass and my brain, repeatedly, with spiky things on its feet. Think of the fanged protector of the cave that gives the location of the grail. That will make you laugh if you have any sense of humor worth having. Particularly if you remember "Tim" describing it.

Now I must get to work.

PS Taco Bell and 13 hour days in the library are not an appropriate combination. Ulcers and 13 hours in the library and ulcers and Taco Bell are. Odd...

I am not dead, yet

2006-05-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

I have just completed my first of four finals. I have not been posting here because a) I'm lazy and b) I know that I should be spending my time doing more studying and less procrastinating.

The funny thing about the second reason is that well, it doesn't always seem to work out that just because I'm not doing one procrastination that I'm not doing all the rest. In fact, I was, but well, now in the next 7 days I must prepared for and take 3 three hour exams that will decide my whole grade for a class I've been going to for four months. Therefore, blog procrastination is added to the list of things acceptable to do.

There is nothing funny about the first reason, except that well, if you know me, which you probably do if you're reading this, you know that I'm not lazy about everything, just selective things like keeping up to date with my friends. Sorry about that.

Here are things I would like to rant about:

1) I work at the school library as my work study. Since I work the circulation desk, my time spent in the books is limited to "shelf reading" and reshelving certain types of books. Shelf reading involves going into certain portions of the stack (the areas were we reshelve no less) and make sure that the books are in order, by call number then by volume number. The areas we reshelve in and "read" in are the series of reporters that are put out by court reporting publishers by volume. Therefore, we're making sure that books are in their proper order from 1 to whatever number it ends at before the publisher starts recounting and naming the series 2nd or 3rd, etc. Not terribly challenging work for someone going after an "advanced" degree.

You would think that, but you'd be WRONG.

I can't tell you how many books I've had to move because people cannot figure out that if the book they have in their hand says 435 in big numbers on the outside it belongs after 434 and before 436, where the big hole they left was created when they pulled the book out is, not after 146, where they put it. Is it really that hard? Now I know that people don't always pay attention and therefore just put books back where ever, and well, bully for them, but I am also firmly convinced that these are the same people that complain that the books they need are never in the right place or reshelved quickly enough.

Or they complain that the print card machine needs fives and ones and we never have change (it's not our machine or our responsibility, except when it breaks).

I really just don't like people.

2) If it is clearly "study for finals in the library time," popping your gum for two hours should be reason for me to beat you. Not turning off your cell phone ringer, well, then "grave bodily harm" is justified. Not turning off your cell phone ringer, answering the phone call in the carrels, and proceeding to have a conversation that starts with "I'm in the library" and lasts more than 30 seconds without you leaving the study area where "no cell phones can be used here" is clearly marked, well, you're risking your life. Seriously.

3) DHL can bite my ass.

4) I am conscious hypocrite. (I don't have my cell phone on in the library or snap gum, but I do look down on people for interrupting everyone or being rude, and I do that.) I think that's worse than just being a hypocrite. I must fix this, but I don't know how.

5) The more people I talk to in law school the more I realize there are people here that I like and I should be more social. And they should all stop trying to transfer to other schools.

6) I broke my coffee grinder the day before finals and don't have any ground coffee in my house, you try to tell me that God has no sense of humor.

Now, onto property studies, unless there is something else I need to do...

What I learned today

2006-04-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

This week (4/24-4/30) is Turn-off your TV week. I just learned about it from people who noticed that no one participates who watches TV anyway. I think I figured out why, there are no TV commercials telling us to turn-off the TV for a week. Only commercials telling us how vital this week's TV will be for my viewing pleasure (except the shows that are in rerun even though they never seem to have new episodes -- I'm looking at you Criminal Minds). Obviously, it didn't work on me because I know what the commercials this week are...

Speaking of turn-offs, we're learning about rape this week in criminal law. Well, let's just say that there is a reason why it is so drastically under reported. The process of proving rape is well, awful to the victim at best. The law is "getting better" though. Only two states still hold that a husband can never rape his wife. How modern. I don't know which states, but after I finish my finals I might remember to find out and mention it. Just because I am very irritated. (OH, and in the other 48 states, only 12 have completely abolished spousal immunity.) Trends shunning the old laws requiring resistance (physical and/or verbal) are softening. And "virtually every" state has enacted rape-shield laws that prevent inquiries into a victims past sexual history or reputation for "lack of chastity." Not that defense lawyers haven't try to say that they aren't constitutional laws, but they lose. I am angry and don't want to sit through a class discussion on it unless everyone realizes how damaging this process is to the victim and how wrong the old laws are. One final less "men are the bad guys" oriented comment, recent rape laws are gender-neutral showing that both men and women can be victims and aggressors. This is the right thing to do, especially now that incapacitation of the victim is also grounds for rape.

Ooof, I'm all in a fluster because I get so upset...

Okay, I also learned that feminists try to pass legislation in Minnesota and succeeded in passing legislation in Indiana declaring pornography illegal because it all subjugates women. Any thing that depicts sex, not just the stuff that actually shows women being subjugated, is banned. Well, the US Supreme Court said that's a violation of free speech. I agreed. I can't express why my visceral reaction to the argument about pornography just made me reject it, but it did. I just don't think that porn has that much influence that watching a movie where a woman is subservient to a man will cause all men to treat all women poorly because they're being shown a fantastic world where that happens. Like regular movies, TV shows, role expectation, and other things don't do that enough. Perhaps I am just upset at the focus and attention on porn and not the underlying societal expectations (which I admit are getting better, but in the 1970s when this legislative push was occurring was not as far along as it is).

Perhaps learning this stuff isn't good for me, but well, sometimes it's good to get the blood pumping out of irrational irritation at the "man." Especially if I'm going to be a lawyer and regularly encounter such things in the workplace. Yeah, the law profession is still a little behind the ball even though two woman have sat on the Supreme Court. Some judges may not "appreciate" a woman lawyer wearing a pantsuit in their courtroom. Bollox on them.

Some times when I have a groove going, I throw myself out of it. So long as I don't pull anything when I do it, the world's alright.

Three things to make me think, but not in that challenging way

2006-04-20T00:33:00.000-07:00

1) M&M is not the wholesome family candy that I thought it was. I just saw the TV ad about the new M&M's candy bars and well, I was off-put by the way they implied that they arrive. Candy should not get it on. Period.

2) Umm, there was a number two, but I can't remember. Something about a commercial...

3) No matter how bad ass you think you are and no matter how cool rocker your look is, it is woefully overturned by the fact that you're playing the accordian.

That is all.

Sometimes you're disappointed for a reason

2006-04-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

and it's the best reason possible.

So, two major things of note.

First, the job fairy came to visit me and and said she has something for me which I would like. It doesn't pay, but I do get credit for it and it's actually the type of job I think I would like post school. So, we're about to find out about the "real world" of the law for the summer and I get to pay extra tution just to see what it's like. It's a backhanded sort of "we're always happy to take more of your money" sort of thing where I pay to school to give me credit for an externship and they did nothing to get me or educate me the entire time. I do have to take another class at some point to "justify" the credit, but that class is its own set of credits and a separate grade. I think. I will need to find this sort of thing out, but that's for after learning the Constitutional law that means nothing.

Secondly, I have agreed to move in with the boy this summer. Major step, minor panic attack. But, hey, I should know early if this whole thing is "the real thing" given my advancing age. (In the last three weeks I have been accused of being thirty more than once.) It's just one big scary thing and well, I just sort of deliberated for a long time then rashly made my decision one night. That's pretty much how I've made most the major decisions in life, and while I always wonder "what if" I have never truly been all that disappointed in the long run. I know this is part luck, but I like to think that once there's a well thought out decision in my subconscious, I just run with it and that's why it seems rash, even to me. I also recognized that while I'm going through the changes my psuedo rash decisions cause, I always get a little down and regret making changes to my life. Hopefully this won't happen in this case because well, he's gonna be living with me.

I must go see an opera sometime because the music sounds fasinating...

Hello grand world

2006-04-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

Some day I will learn to do my taxes before April 5th, check my voicemail more than once a week, and return emails faster. Until that day, I will regret my failure to improve when important things happen and I miss out.

This week's conversation with the judges went much better than the last, but as I don't actually recall anything that I've said to either set, I won't post a "transcript" of this weeks interaction. Fortunately, I am done with that. Now there are only a few weeks to finals and then I have officially finished my first year of law school. There is a long stream of explitives that should be inserted here, but I won't because it's unproductive and my break's about to end. Suffice to say, I still don't know what I want to do with my law degree and I am not prepared to take finals in five weeks. Enough said.

PS I think my biological clock just started quietly ticking.

One Week, One Post, One half-assed attempt at life

2006-04-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

So, to sum up counselor, you know what you're talking about, have the case law memorized, know the record inside and out, and still cannot convince me you know what you're talking about because you always say "I believe" and "ah" and sound unconfident when you're forced to talk for more than thirty seconds at a time.

Yes your honor, that's true. However, it should be noted that the conversation and panic going on inside my head that never comes out into the courtroom is probably more telling of why I shouldn't win.

Why is that counselor?

Well, your honor, because it says "oh shiznit, that's one of the fatal flaws in my arguement on a merits level...I think this judge is trying to make me look stupid...may be I actually am stupid...wait, what am I saying, I am answering the question and I am not aware of the words coming out of my mouth...sigh, I don't know what I'm doing in law school..."

I see, and tell me again why we should modify our policy to agree with you?

My brain is saying that it's because you gave me the idea for the argument in other decisions, my mouth however is trying to be more eloquent with that fact and a bunch of crap keeps pouring out. So, basically, you should agree because I can just keep talking about this.

Interesting counselor. Is there anything else I should know?

Yes you honor, everyone elses arguments, I gave them those too, so I should be credited with any good points my colleague may have made even though you don't know that and I'm not supposed to help with substance. I just can't help it. That's really why I should win.

Thank you counselor.

No, thank you, your honor.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I'm in law school.

all work and no play makes erin bitchy

2006-03-28T15:46:00.000-08:00

So, on Sunday, I pulled the first non-drinking related all-nighter in approximately 7 years. It was not fun. I however, was funny that morning and had the mind of a pea brained bird that afternoon. I could barely accomplish the task of doing my laundry. That is not a good thing. However, I was cheerful for the majority of the day, even if I couldn't remember why I had walked into the kitchen for the third time (it was to eat, each time).

Today, however, is actually worse. Since I spent the afternoon yesterday not getting anything done while trying to remember to get stuff done and falling asleep for short periods of time, I could not fall asleep until after 1am. I got "up" at 7 got to school by 8:15 to do the stuff I hadn't accomplished yesterday and proceded to fall asleep at a desk at the library for five minutes. There was a tiny bit of drool, which is always amusing. However I am not easily amused today. Instead, I am not fond of people and their annoying traits are highlighted in gross exageration. I do not like people today. Unfortunately, people are necessary. Stupid necessary things.

I had something else to say....

OH, I remember, did everyone else out there know that the Golden Girls Theme song actually was a song? I keep hearing it on the radio (I listen to a radio station that plays a lot of variety of music from the 60s to today and you can go from Captin and Tennile to Jack Johnson to ACDC in fifteen minutes which is very much up my alley) and there are a bunch of verses and the chorus is longer than the TV show indicated. I always thought the song was written for the show, but aparrently it was release like a real song (sort of like the Friends theme). I really wish that I had known that earlier in life for some reason. I also enjoy the fact that it startles me everytime I hear it and then episodes go through my mind...ah, to have cable someday...

Declaring that you're funny inherently means that you're not that funny. I should know, I do it all the time.

What I did over my spring break...

2006-03-20T13:10:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well, one more week of my life I will never get back. What do I have to show for it?

I did work for pay at the library for 20 hours. This means I will get paid for those 20 hours. Too bad I've already spent that money.

I submitted 9 applications to intern for judges. So far, only one rejection letter (which by the way was recieved four days after the application was dropped off, now that's efficient). Still don't have a job. I am expecting the rest of the rejections soon.

I spent too many waking hours re-reading everything I've read for the last two months. This is a very slow way to go about getting stuff learned. However, in criminal law I am about 3 weeks in, in constitutional law I am about 2 weeks in, in civil procedure I am about 4 weeks in and for property law I am 1 week in. This may seem like quite an achievement until you put in the fact that I still have to go to class and do the whole reading thing for my current assignments, not just get caught up on the last two weeks. I am at a loss as to how to qualify this work product for the week.

My apartment is shiny clean. Except the kitchen, which has a large counter space full of paper. This is the only part of cleaning that I have to do. Except that I will need to clean everything again next week and I need to laundry again. Woe is me.

So, in conclusion Spring Break was a wash. But, I did go to Costco which always brings me joy, if not samplings of some bomb ass cheese.

Now, I have no time left to spare and must being the ridge schedule that is my afternoon's persuit of getting further caught up and not behind. Plus I just got lotsa work along with a bitch slap when I got my brief back. Must go soak in the misery.

Why isn't there a magic job fairy who grants us all our wish of finding a job that we want to do?

One more thing

2006-03-11T20:20:00.000-08:00

For those of you who loved the Dark Crystal, Labryinth, and Never Ending Story movies of your youth, I highly recommend Mirrormask. It is really cool and you should watch it.

Clearly I am concentrating very hard.

What I plan to do with my Spring Break

2006-03-11T19:26:00.000-08:00

Well, since I am back at school I now have the luxury of what is called "spring break." It's been so long since I had one, I don't think that I properly know what to do with it. This is my plan:

Get caught up on the non-reading part of law school, i.e. take reading notes on everything I've read so far and/or brief cases read for class thus far, type up notes (I'm so old that I don't type in class, it's all hand written), start class outlines, edit my brief (which is a very law school thing to do).

Continue the hunt for summer employment. I never realized how happy I would be to get a job I wouldn't be paid for till now. Also, going to summer school simply to finance that unpaid work seems, well, particularly nerdy.

Try to get stuff together to put in for judicial internships. This is where coming to San Diego helps me. Since this is the largest city in the southern California area (LA is technically central) and the county seat, there are many, many courts and judges here. I want one of them to hire me.

Work at the library. I am working 20 hours, mostly in the morning, because that's the most number of hours I'm allowed to work according to the ABA. Why they care how much I work is beyond me, but supposedly it's to prevent law firms from working students to death during the school year. However, summer associates can be put through the ringer. It helps with billing 27 hours in one day.

Clean my apartment. Still needing to dust. Perhaps my laundry should be properly put in drawers as well.

Here's a sampling of what other people from my section are doing for spring break:
Going to Vegas
Going to Mexico
Going home
Going on a cruise
Going to visit friends in other cities

I think there is a distinct difference in approaches that is due to my lack of recent experiences with spring break. Also, many of my breaks were planned for me by the softball team. They made us go places where it was (usually) warmer than Iowa to play softball in polyester pants. So, I really don't have any experience in the whole "plan a spring break" area.

Thinking about it did bring back the happy memory of being stuck at Grinnell House for a week because I lived too far from home to go back for a week. Fortunately, I had a cohort to be stuck with and we had complete run of the place because there was NO ONE there -- this included the kitchen where there was a big fridge made of stainless steel. We went to Perkins and bought pies -- one for her and one for me (I think I got one anyway). We ate them for every meal. It was great. We also laughed a lot. I miss that level of friendship.

Right now I am procrastinating and not doing my non-reading work. I am at the library. I am always at the library.

I also keep forgetting that it is only Saturday of spring break. I keep thinking it is Monday. So sad.

Oh, and for those of you who can count, which obviously I can't, the fifth favorite snack is goldfish crackers (see below). They make me sing. Not that anyone cares enough that it was pressing to get that information out there; I just can't let some things go.

I think powerbars should be more filing.

Melinda Made me

2006-03-05T10:35:00.000-08:00

Melinda has forced my hand by calling me out. Thusly, I respond (also I just don't want to do my homework).

What Were You Doing Ten Years Ago?
I couldn't even remember when 10 years ago was, but because Melinda and Laurie both reminded me we were sophmore's in college, it's vaguely familiar. I was living in a house full of women who were not perfectly compatable. I think I was speaking to only a few of them at the time (who both knowledge of this blog and I love them both to this day). It's possibile that I had just instituted the mandatory dish night rule and was trying to block the smell of celery from ever reaching me. I was also determining that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and writing pretentious short story/free style poetry that is better left unshared. Oh, and I was playing softball in the pretty, blue floored PEC, looking forward to traveling to Florida with a group of girls I didn't think that I'd like (execpt for the three or four girls that were cool in the same geeky way I was).

What Were You Doing One Year Ago?
Oddly enough, still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. However, instead of being in school at the time, I was looking to go back. So, I had just finished scrambling to apply to a bunch of schools and getting my financial aid information together. So, I was sitting on my thumbs waiting to hear how my life would play out. And here I am now, still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.

Five Snacks You Enjoy-
Cheezits -- all time greatest!!! good with peanut butter and humus or plain
Ice cream -- yummmmmmm
Red Vines licorice -- which occassionally is not a snack but a meal
apples with peanut butter -- mostly it's for the peanut butter which I have been known to eat by the spoonful. Or maybe no one knew and I'm finally admitting

Five Songs To Which You Know The Lyrics-
I don't really recognize that I know all the words to a song (or many songs back to back) until I realize that I've sung along to the whole song, but I do know that I know these because I've been able to sing them in public into a microphone (with some liquid courage, of course):
Hit me with your best shot -- Pat Benatar
Fancy -- Reba McIntyre
I will survive -- Gloria Gaynor (which I almost attributed to Gloria Steinum, hmm)
Outside the karaoke nightmare, I know:
A bunch of country songs (I will not admit to knowing them outside of the safe and private space that is a blog)
Also many songs by The Who, Bare Naked Ladies, Black Eyed Peas, Dar Williams, and a whole bunch on the radio now because when I listen they aren't hard to get stuck in your head and they are exactly "complicated" to remember
Don't ask me what kind of music I like because I like music, except some stuff.

Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire-
Pay off my parent's mortgage
Buy a house so that I could decorate it how I wanted. I wish to paint walls.
Pay for law school.
Force many of my friends to go on vacation somewhere cool with me by paying for it. I'm thinking Brazil sounds neat.
Start some sort of trust that grows my millions into billions and gives it all to good people who are trying to make bad stuff stop happening in their neighborhood. Oh, and they would buy one big peace of land needing conservation and find a way to turn it into a place for kids to come and learn about that ecosystem. Possibly, one in every state, if the trust handlers were good enough.
Five Folks I'm Tagging for This Beeotch
I don't know enough people who blog, so um, Dan, you're it. Everyone else should start a blog (or tell me about theirs) and start with this.

...but I'm feeling much better now

2006-03-01T16:04:00.000-08:00

I have often repeated that line and am referencing Judge Harry Stone's father (as in Night Court) who was crazy but got better. He remained a highly unusual man, and you didn't actually know that he was Harry's father until the character had been around for about 2 seasons or so. People never get the reference which leads me to believe either I was a very advanced grade schooler who watched a grown up show that no one else watched, or I have wasted much of my brain power storing random trivia from my grade school days that others don't care about or remember. But, I digress.

So, as noted in my last update over a week ago, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. I can add to that now that the sleep that I do get is of two types: 1) the sleep of the dead in which you put your head down and instantly you realized that the alarm clock has been snoozing for 30 minutes and you need to get up, or 2) the sleep of the nightmare where you have nightmares about everything that is stressing you out and some of it is absurd but you wake up unsure if you just had a dream about arguing a point of law from a case you've read twice in the middle of a psychedelic flashback or if it really did happen. In the case of the second sleep, I never can determine if I am more disturbed by the fact that I have the brain that dreams so vividly about case law or that I can't distinguish between the dream and the reality. I think it's the first part.

I have also noted that I have formed opinions about Olympic athlete’s as individuals I have no right to make because I don't know them outside of their interviews. Still, they annoy me and I stand by my dislike. (It is also interesting to note that I am much more likely that my dislike will be strong and my appreciation and amazement will be fleeting. So fickle am I.)

I am also allergic to everything in the whole world. I know this because I have been dealing with a rash on my face for the last week. I think I got it from being alive. Actually, I am pretty sure that I got it from my towel. That sounds really gross, but I am fairly certain that the towel had not been in use for an excessive period of time because I have four towels plus some extra "I won't use them for me but I'll keep them around just in case towels" so I change them with regularity. It appears that I become hypersensitive to the towel at some point and now I must deal with a rash for the next week and a half. This didn't used to happen in college at which time I lacked the plethora of towels and did my laundry at a shame-able rate. This I find dumb. As I get older I am supposed to get better not worse. That's how the saying goes and it wouldn't be a saying if it wasn't true.

But, more to the allergy point, I have also discovered that the single place that I have not had an allergic reaction to something is the deserts of the southwest. Instead, I got what I call the heat flu because it was worse than heat sickness but not so life threatening or rapid onset as heat stroke. I am also certain that if I stayed in the deserts I would find I am allergic to something there too. Especially since my towel seems to the cause in this case. (I also haven't dusted in a while and it's always pollinating season in San Diego, so I doubt it's just the towel.)

That is sadly all that I have to talk about because no one out there probably cares about the distinctiveness requirement for proof of fame in a trademark case. Unfortunately, my professor does so I must too.

I long for normalcy. Supposedly...

A day in the life of me

2006-02-17T18:54:00.000-08:00

So, I will recap yesterday to give my four friends who read this site a hint of the reason why it takes 6 days to come up with a new post. It is a recap from midnight to midnight because there is stuff to say about the wee hours of morn that exist.

12:00am -- begin writting substantive outline due at 9am this morning which I have supposedly been working on all week, but really have been trying to get the information that will create the substantive part of the outline all week.
12:15am -- get frustrated by my inability to start and play "one game" of minesweeper"
12:45am -- start writting substantive outline, again
1:30 am -- continue writing substantive and start the debate of how substantive is substantive and if the 5 points really matter that much in the long run, begin the hearts game to play while "gathering my thoughts"
1:45 am -- force the shut down of hearts as thought seem to not be gathering themselves.
4:00 am -- finish substantive outline, which includes the line "find case support for this point" in more than one place. Somehow, I am fairly certain that this is not part of the whole "substantive" definition, yet I don't care as it is 3:30 am and I have reading and another 4 page "memo" to write for my 9am class.
4:30 am -- finish reading for 9am class and choose bed over ever dealing with my computer again. Make plans to wake at 6:30, eat McDonalds breakfast and be at school by 7 when the library opens.
7:00 am -- realize I have turned my alarm off in my sleep and will be disregarding the need to shower in order to do the work thing.
7:30 am -- arrive in style at library and start typing frantically all the while realizing 1) I am allowed to skip a few of these writing assignments over the course of the semester, 2) I am making up the crap I am writing and know that it is acctually the exact opposite of the point of the mental exercise in which I am supposed to be engaged, and 3) most of my classmates are coming in and out of the computer lab doing the same dang thing
8:45 am -- decide that the half paragraph I have just typed is the equivalent of a page, or as close to it as I am going to get and print the dang thing. 3 pages does not equal 4, but I don't care.
8:50 am -- walk across parking lot to time stamp "substantive" outline and turn in
8:52 am -- sign up for a mandatory conference w/ Prof for whom I just spent four of the wee hours trying to put together an outline for (a conference which I didn't get the email about because I've only been on the computer looking for things to do for the last 8 hours, but heard from the classmate who turned in her assignment when I did)
8:55 am -- walk into Crim Law where zombies and over-caffinate hyper spazs seem to have taken over my classmates, spend next five minutes talking about how little sleep we all got and how none of us feel prepared to do anything that day
9:00 am -- proceed to learn from a man who is considered to be one of the smartest professors at the Law School who has also teaches philosophy as a guest professor on occassion. He tries to teach me criminal law. I try to avoid looking stupid on a regular basis by taking copious notes which don't tell me anything because it is a truly socratic class that leads to the conclusion that there really is no answer.
10:08am -- class ends head to 10:30 classroom to do the reading that I didn't get to last night.
10:30am -- Civil Procedure class begins. I am still trying to finish the reading while taking notes. The professor that I have for this class is considered a leading scholar in California Civil Procedure, and has written the only available casebook on the subject. Fortunately, this is just general civil procedure and he his a great teacher. I take notes that make sense and get through the reading far enough to almost participate in class. I do not get called on because I volunteered so much last semester that this semester we are "letting someone else have a chance" -- yes I am that girl.
11:45 am -- Professor finishes class 5 minutes early woohoo! So, I head to the car to switch books then to the deli to buy lunch
11:55 am -- pull out the reading for Constitutional law which is swimming with words that I cannot read like "this" and "is" while I eat my sanwich which says it has mustard on but I can't taste it which is frustrating because I like mustard
12:05 pm -- classmate joins me stating that I will not be doing the reading anymore because she wishes to distract me. I agree to the plan and we plot the demise of a particular classmate who drives all other students and most professors up the frickin wall. Much joy is shared.
12:30 pm -- part ways with classmate as she goes to switch her books and I go to put my coffee cup in the car which I meant to do before when I switched my books out
12:35 pm -- arrive in classroom for Constitutional Law to do more reading. Get through about two pages when classmates start arriving and we begin to talk. Discussion turns to the fact that no one can participate in the class because they don't know what's going on and don't think doing the reading is important. I become further convinced that someday I will be the only one there for class in my area of the classroom.
1:05 pm -- Australian professor (who is teching American Constitutional law without having gone to a US law school) starts class late because he is always late, even though he comes into the room on time he leaves and then comes back late
1:20 pm -- realize that even though I am about 50 pages behind in the reading, I will be fine because well, so's the class. Besides there are about 10 of us who participate in class, including me, and he never picks on you when you're wrong
2:50 pm -- class is done for the day. Determine that I am exhausted and will not continue on studying at the library today, I will go home. Discuss with classmates about going out on Saturday by inviting myself to classmate's birthday party. Make it better by offering to take her to Costco to pick up party supplies.
3:05 pm -- decide that I need to buy a new highlighter and other stuff so head to Costco to do it (a five minute drive from school). Decide that Costco is awesome, but it's a good thing if I don't got more than once a month as I buy too much stuff because I'm at costco. Bought many things that I will need in the future, but don't need today. Cannot buy forty day supply of Claritin-D because it's illegal to sell that many boxes as once by state law, settle for the allowed 20 day supply and realize that it's great for business because you have to come back more often. Also, if I was going to make meth out of it, do you think I would also buy two button downshirts and organic lettuce and not some other product used in making meth at the same time? (In OR, they take a record behind the pharmacy counter of your name and license because the state requires that it get tracked. They sell 30 day supplies there.)
4:25 pm -- arrive home (Costco is about a five minute drive from my house), take three trips from car to 2nd floor apartment because I just went to Costco. Take trash out (twice) as I return to car
4:40 pm -- determine that since Costco did not have highlighters and I like to go to places that aren't school I will go to Office Depot. Spend a crap ton of time trying to figure out what type of highlighter to buy because none of them are labeled with markings like "will not bleed through the page making it appear that the other side is highlighted" except one which I bought the last time which was more like a glue stick (without the glue attributes) than a highlighter. More accurately it was like a tube of lipstick, simply applies color on top of the page by placing some sort of solid colorant stuff on it. After that, I realized I needed more notebooks in which notes would be taken. Wander around Office Depot (pronounced as though it rhymes with the kitchen item) looking for legal pads that aren't legal size (couldn't find them in either size) and end up finding a travel USB drive that is on wicked good sale with much storage space. Get the clerk to open the case and procure me the last one with the rebate. Ask the clerk where legal pads are ("oh, you mean the ones that tear from the top" ???) and get directions to the one aisle I didn't go to because I didn't realize there was anything there. Pick-up a bunch of the office depot brand which are on clearance (24 pads w/ 50 pages...that should get me through March). Pay and leave.
5:45pm -- return home hoping that new highlighters won't bleed through paper.
6:00pm -- apartment is too quiet and turn on tv with my property book out to catch up on reading and do reading for tomorrow (highlighter does not bleed, minor moral victory for the day accomplished)
8:00 pm -- with book still out and tv still on, try to read but have gotten about two pages into the reading
8:30 pm -- bake a potato in the microwave. Decided that precooked chicken strips that say not to use after 2/2/06 should still be used because they only look weird because the carmel coloring is bleeding out (or at least that what I've told myself).
10:00pm -- having turned the page once and watch a throughly facinating CSI episode (it gets better sometimes when it sort of relates to law school stuff, which the rerun did in an odd, baby selling sort of way) decide to call the boyfriend to chat for a while
10:03 pm -- boyfriend is currently boarding a plane to go to Vegas and spend the entire time drunk. I get short lecture on not drinking and driving on Saturday. Made mental note that he needs to piss off. Share my moral victory which does not seem to impress him so decide he should get on the plane and I will seriously do my reading now.
10:10 pm -- try to read, turn tv back on get through about 4 pages
11:30 pm -- I realize Letterman is on which makes it late, decide to wait til top 10 is read. Am pleased with the number of "Cheney was drunk and shot somebody jokes"
12:15 am -- decide that I must sleep now will do the property reading later and go to bed

That is why no one ever hears from me. It's all minesweepers fault.

Chicken must thaw faster...

Sleep is for the dead

2006-02-11T10:14:00.000-08:00

So, I have finally adjusted to the 4 hour of sleep average. It makes me a very weird person. Sometimes I have a 30 second fuse and sometimes I just make ridiculous statements. Not that anyone can tell the difference between a well-slept and tired me, they think I'm weird all the time. Someday, however, my body will simply shutdown and stop letting me only get a few hours of sleep. Hopefully it won't be in the middle of finals.

I have discovered that I expend a lot more energy on school then most of my classmates. I just don't understand how some of them can spend so little time and why I spend so much. Some of it comes from the compulsion to play computer games while I should be typing stuff up, but some of it is out of a geuine need to be able to get into deeper meanings of stuff. Still, I am not sure that they pay off is worth it.

I just got my grades a few weeks ago. While they are nothing to sneeze at, I am still not 100% sure they are equalivalent to the level of effort put in. Unfortunately, law school reminds you on a regular basis that for the first few years, you are your grades to employers. So, trying to find a job this summer is less fun that I would like to admit. I don't think that my grades will bar me from getting a job, it's just that 1Ls are less likely to be hired to start with and then grades make a huge difference after that. So I start stressing about that, which leads me to stress about everything else. Which then leads to me staying up too late studying and questioning if it's at all worth the future heart problems.

I am playing softball again this season. I still can't throw because my shoulder is not ready for it, but I am playing first base which is great. My hitting is crap. Stupid third baseman keeps playing his position so I hit it to him. It is good stres relief. This weekend I am going to try being social and go to a beach party! I am going to the beach! I have lived on the coast since August and I have yet to go to the beach. How dumb is that? Well, today it shall be remedied. Hopefully, the sewage spill I heard about yesterday is not where the party is planned. Lets here it for me not getting sand in my beer!

Oh, and I was named employee of the month at the library. How ridiculous is that?

I don't know why

2006-01-30T11:06:00.000-08:00

but my gmail thought this was the most appropriate link to give me while I was checking my email.

http://ask.yahoo.com/20060130.html

I hope you have all learned a valuable lesson.

Things I've learned...

2006-01-27T08:26:00.000-08:00

Not related to school (per se).

In the last few months, I have learned a lot by moving away from what I'd known for so long to be home. The most important of which is...wait, I don't want to rank them.

First, I have learned, or more accurately come to more fully realize the extend to which, I am a know it all. I can justify it by saying that I only tell everyone what I know because I want everyone else to have equal access to the information. Sometimes I am wrong too. Still it doesn't really matter when what everyone else hears is me trying to be smarter/better then them or even worse when they think I am a kiss ass because of it.

Second, I am constantly afraid of being judged and not liked. This semester we had to pick partners for our major project in Lawyering Skills class. I was afraid that no one would want to work with me because nobody likes me. This is silly and irrational, but so am I some times. I have always held the hidden fear that people simply tolerate me because I hang around and sometimes have helpful things to say but if they had their druthers they wouldn't really hang out with me. However, I also realize that this isn't true because I have great friends from all parts of my life that insist on trying to keep in touch with me despite the fact that I never write them email or call them back.

Third, I work really hard and earn the praise and grades that I get so I shouldn't be ashamed of them. I just informed two of my classmates that I am at school studying for about 12 hours a day on average (literally I told them about five minutes ago) and I got looks of "are you crazy." But, this is my work ethos. I don't have nearly enough fun here, but I know when I leave I will have taken something away from this experience that is that much more ingrained. Fun is for later or earlier in actuality. So, when I get recognition for making those efforts I shouldn't be ashamed of the public nature of it. Even if it feeds into the first to problems that I have noticed about myself.

Finally, I can find a way to adjust and meet new people if I am forced. I still need to do a lot of work to get to the point where I am truly open to people and not guarded so high when I first meet them. But, I can, when in the situation where it is required of me, talk to people, make them laugh, find out valuable pieces of information so as to blackmail them, umm wait, scratch that last part...Anyway, the point is, I am not a socially inept as I think I am. I just have some things to tone down and other things to get over. But, who doesn't have things to get over.

School will kill me

2006-01-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

So, last semester it took a few weeks to begin to feel the overwhelmingness of school. This week it took a total of one class. And, it was the second semester of a class I had last semester. That, I would add, it not a good sign. I realized that I did nothing over break that will help me. I realized that I was not in school mode yet and therefore did a craptastic job of my reading assignment. I realized that the courses I am taking should all be my favorites becasue they all feed into the areas of the law that interest me the most. And I realized that I need to find a job for the summer. All of this is, well, overwhelming.

I either need to find a paying job for the summer or go to school and take out extra loans or move back in with my parents. Ummm, yeah, that's not bleak. Plus I have a lot of paper-(which I just tried to spell payper...what does that say) work to get done to get the rest of my life in order.

I don't know if I can live with my parents for three months, but they are great people who will probably leave me alone. So, it's not the worst possible solution. It just feels weird to be contemplating moving back in for the summer since I haven't done that in about 7 years. Part of me considers that a form of failure. Which the rest of me realizes is a stupid way of looking at it because it is part of the whole "school" thing.

So, I need to figure out a lot of things, most of which involve figuring out what I want to be when I grow up which I haven't been able to do this far in life. This makes me sad. Especially since I sometimes think I want to be a dancer (or something equally rediculous but we're using it for illustrative purposes). This is ridiculous because I do not have the drive, stamina, or, of slightly more importance, skill to do anything in the dance world. It would be a hilarious TV show on MTV, but not a good real world solution to my dilema. sigh...

Oh, and the constitutional law book is rediculously heavy. I need back support.

Consistent blah

2006-01-06T01:15:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is about the city of Vegas, but it is consistently the most overrated place that I look forward to going to. I always think that it's going to be great, and it is often not bad but not great. I guess it's that I don't gamble so that's not that exciting, I don't really like buffets which is the only place you can eat half of the day, and I can't drink enough to justify spending $10 for a drink (it's easier when you're too drunk to care how much you're spending). And I'm almost always broke, so it's not the greatest time.

However, in the summer it is warm and the pool is free (once you've paid for the room). Also, when you go to bars and there are bands for free it's cool. Hanging out with friends in a different setting can be fun, too. If the shows weren't so expensive they'd be entertaining, I assume.

Getting drugged in a bar when someone slips something into your drink is not fun.

Spotting the hooker can be entertaining, but sometimes too easy (ha ha, it's like a pun but not).

Thus it is a consistent blah to go to Vegas. Perhaps I need more to drink next time.

That summarizes my New Years weekend with out the play by play for the vomitting (ahh, there's an image).

TV's Craig Ferguson is hilarious. He should be on earlier because soon I will have to be in bed when he is on because classes start back up in a few days (just over a week). I don't know how I'll do, but I don't even know how I did last semester so I will not worry until May when I take finals again. Or, if needs be, in February when I get my grades back.

It will also be a test of if I can get everything done and keep up with this blog. Not that I've told anyone about it to disappoint them...

I must sleep so that I might awake and accomplish something. Stupid stuff needing to be done.

Post Xmas Post

2005-12-29T11:41:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I'm clever. Usually it turns out I'm only clever in my head and it just doesn't resinate the same way on paper or out loud. Then I ask if that was my outside voice and turn red. Finally, I accept that I am not clever and repeat the process more quickly then I care to admit.

I also know that I am always disappointed by the holidays. It is not because I didn't get anything I wanted (I am an admitted spoiled brat) but because I feel like I could have done better. For instance, I bought cards to send to people before I needed to pack and leave and stuff and instead I farted around and watched daytime TV. Neither did wonders for my brain nor did they help me get the cards done on time. Nor did ordering online a week in adavance allow me to get stuff shipped in time to my parents house. Although it was only amazon that seemed to have that problem. I am angry with them so I will stop now. Basically, the disappointment is with myself and not being better at the whole holiday thing. It is one of my favorite times of the year because I get to go out and buy stuff for other people, but I never have enough time or great ideas or enough money to make sure that everyone gets great stuff. I know that's not the point, but I just get sad when it still doens't work out. Perhaps that's the fun of it, thrill of the chase and all that.

Next is New Years, which is very weird for me this year. New Years has always been the holiday about friends and partying. For the last six (or maybe more) years, I have always chosesn to spend that night with my friends. This year, however, I can only call my friends when they are at the hieghten frenzy of celebration. It is sad and it is the the most final of all the feelings that I've had since I left to go to school. I always joked that it was the end of an era and now it really does feel like it. This years plans are still in flux (although that's not my fault) and I am not sure that I'll even be at a party. It makes me sad because that party with my friends has always meant a lot (even if I don't really cut loose until after midnight and have to help clean for five hours the next day). I will truly miss that this year and I don't think that will go away for a while because I see nothing to change it for this year.

This is why the end of the holidays disappoints me. Hopefully, I can find something to be cheerful about next time. Or perhaps a rant because those are much funnier.

Also, movies are great, movie theatres are kept too cold.

Christmas time

2005-12-19T12:40:00.000-08:00

I have to say that Christmas time is my favorite time of year. However, the TV makes it hard to love the holidays. Except for the insistance on play the Peanuts Holiday movies, which is awesome, the TV keeps trying to sell diamonds, razors, and cars. I don't particularly like diamonds and the TV tries to make me feel like a weirdo for not wanting them. I don't feel like a weirdo (other than the fact that I am weird in many ways which is fine because as the family motto says, normal is boring) and I don't like my TV trying to make me feel that way. It's like being bretrayed by my friend. Stupid TV.

However, I can't be too mad at it. It brings me football and trashy daytime shows that make me feel better about my life and my friends. And it's taught me that being rich prevents you from dating or hooking up with new people. When you're rich, apparently, you can only date the exes of people that you know, especially if you're in the middle age category, then you date someone's dad and then sleep with the son who is in a rough patch with his naive wife who knows there is a hole in heart but can't see past that to know that her husband doesn't love her anymore, but does love his ex-step-mother who is dating his business rival. That and you have to dress up to go to dinner everynight and that's just too much pressure. The crazy house staff would be fun to have around, though.

That's what TV has taught me. Shopping has taught me that there is a bunch of crap for sale and if you look while desperate enough, you can find a gift for anyone. Oh, and obnoxious christmas music is worse for sales clerks because no matter how much it just blends into the background there is always one song on the hour long mix that inserts itself in to the conscious brain and makes them aware of what it going on. They can't just leave or put earphones in either.

A final note, and a comment on my sanity, is this: pipe cleaners offer hours of fun and frustration for the psuedo-crafty. It's like Martha Stewart in the trailer with nothing really looking right. So, next year, the pipe cleaner ornaments may or may not make it back (it's a durability thing) but they may be the theme of the gifts I give next year. Perhaps a diamond made from pipecleaners and a car made of pipecleaners. The razor pipecleaner would be just too darn hard to make or convience anyone with. Besides beards are all the rage right now...

What now

2005-12-15T00:22:00.000-08:00

So, without the finals to study for, I find myself not doing anything that I've told myself I need to do. Mostly, clean my apartment and buy the christmas presents taht I need to get. But, hey, my family will be happy with must the gift of my presence right. Oh wait, that's not right. Well it is, but it's not nearly as fun.

The biggest problem is that I am trying to do most of my shopping online. This means that I am using the internet. This means that I can surf around and do things other than shop or write people e-mail. Everything is so dang distracting. That and my brain is doing all sorts of things like forgetting what I'm doing while I'm doing it and wondering what I should do next.

That and I forget to go to sleep and my couch isn't that comfy.

Really, I did have a point, but I forgot it. Probably because I'm on the internet pretending to do about four different things.

Maybe next time.

Oooh, shiny object

2005-12-10T13:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have now completed two out of the three finals. I don't know how that makes me feel, which says that I cannot think anymore. This is problematic because when you say two out of three, that implies a third. If I can't think, how can I take a third final. Even if it's multiple choice that doesn't mean I don't need to think. Which I need to do, but I can't. If I can't think then I can't make the educated guess because I cannot eliminate options. This speaks to the falisy that multiple choice tests are easier. Often, the people writing the test have both a process they expect you to follow to get the answer that they came up with. So, you have to decided what the issue is, what you can easily discern about the answers that cannot be right and then you have to determine of the two answers that you think might be right which made a common application error of the rule/logic that's being tested. That isn't easy. Especially when you have to do it for complicated fact scenarios and rules you're not sure you understand to begin with.

Given all that, I now am so distractable that I have taken to watching golf, off-road racing and analizing commercials. Which leads me to this comment:
There are a few bail bondsmen shops in San Diego (it is the county seat and a bigger city so it's understandable) but three of them advertise on TV. One shop has ads featuring "regular people" who had friends/relatives surprisingly jailed and in need of bonds. In one of the ads, the woman says, They walked me through the rights my son has...blah, blah, the right to bail. Which is not true. Read the damn bill of rights.
The next shop features an 70 year old bondsman claiming that if I'm in trouble and need bail it's better to know him then not. I am confused by the message, and then I am confused by the fact that it appears he is wearing a Burger King crown as a way to help remember him and his name (which has a King in it somewhere, but that's all I know).
Finally, the last shop has ads that feature the family that owns it (I presume because you don't hire people to be that bad at speaking). It is fairly clear to me that english isn't necessarily the first language. The air of the company and commercial make it seem like they're from Hawaii, but the last I checked, Hawaii's primary language is English. Regardless, the main problem I have with the commercial is that the main bondsman is a woman who maybe is attractive (I am not a good judge of these things) who both looks and speaks as though she is completely stoned. That's who I want in charge of my freedom, a stoned woman who seems confused by the words coming out of her own mouth, let alone someone who had multiple takes to determine what she was saying.

Then I realized it is just easier to avoid being arrested and needing bail then to deal with ads.

Fortunately, an ad featuring a singing, golfing banana came on and then the golf came back. Plus I stopped reading the materials for my test and found the internet to complain about these commercials.

But then I realized that I really do need to study so that I don't need to drop out and get stuck in a criminal career where I become reliant on bondsmen in anyway.

What scares me more is that next semester there are four finals.

One down

2005-12-07T22:51:00.000-08:00

I just took my first law school final exam. It was hard, and it was long. Now I have this information in my head that part of my brain wants to throw away, but the other part tells me I will need in the future (if I want to take the bar and pass it anyway).

Soon I will have time to write real email, and clean my apartment, and do holiday shopping, and live like a normal, not school attending adult like I play on TV. Oh wait, that's not TV, that's my imagination, the TV in my brain. This all, obviously, assuming that I survive the next five days and the time I spend in the library during them. Surviving Friday will be the key. Then the next step is surviving Monday. Step by step. Day by day. Ahhh, that reminds me of a horrible TV show that still gets air time and really it shouldn't. It's just not right.

Gah! now it's stuck in my head!

Okay, so my insight for the day is that it is much better to joke around right before a test then cramp for it. It's much more relaxing and that is better then stressing. That, and metal travel coffee mugs are stupid. Because the metal gets warm, it expands holding the lid more sealed so it drips less. Also it keeps the coffee hot longer. However, if it's too hot then you can't unscrew the lid to provide more air to the coffee so you don't get to drink it because it's too hot. This is a problem that could be solved with vents.

More problems should be as easily resolved. Or else I shouldn't be in law school and should be inventing coffee mugs instead. But where's the advanced degree program for that?

Must go learn...

My first blog

2005-11-29T00:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it is no longer my official birthday, but since I haven't gone to bed yet it still counts.

I am getting older now, but not old. Even with the maturity that supposidly comes with age, I still want to feel like a five year old. However, this is the first year that I've spent most of the day without anyone around. I did buy myself some ice cream to celebrate (and I noticed that Ben and Jerry's has reduced the number of cookie dough chunks in thier pints (or at least on the top)).

The great part was the number of friends who remembered my birthday despite the fact that I am so bad about remembering theirs. The sad part was, there was no one to go out to celebrate with me anywhere near here. This is because I don't have the friendships here that I did in college or in DC. It just reminds me of what I miss the most, and then I hear a dumb song "Closing Time" and suddenly I am nostalgic for days past and starting a blog.

So, happy birthday to me and I'm glad I got the ice cream.